


Life is Shit, Probably

by SadSloth_96



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcohol Withdrawal, Angst, Anxiety, Depression, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicide Attempt, lots of lovin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-07-13 08:03:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 53,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16013738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SadSloth_96/pseuds/SadSloth_96
Summary: Life is not some lighthearted, happy thing; it's a hard chore. The worst chore that could ever be assigned to you. Is it even worth it? The newest farmer in Pelican Town doesn't think so. But, maybe someone can convince her that life worth much more than she could ever imagine. Rated M for depression/suicidal thoughts/actions/smut maybe.  (My writing sucks, but it is getting better friends, I promise.  Please don't be put off by the first chapters!)





	1. The Newest Face

**Author's Note:**

> I know most people take the time to write to their readers, so I figured I’d say hello! I’m SadSloth_96, and I’m a math grad student. So, obviously, my time is unfortunately limited, but I’ve found that writing helps me de-stress. I plan on updating at least twice a month, except when it comes towards finals and midterms. I welcome feedback, but please keep in mind that this is my first fanfic! Thanks!

The brunette bent over her desk, sighing as she jotted down a few more notes. Her brown eyes were seemingly dull. Only those who looked closely could see that her breath seemed to hitch for a moment before she blinked rapidly, stifling whatever emotions she seemed to be having before turning back to her work. She worked mindlessly, not stopping until the work day was done, reaching then to open a worn drawer. Trembling hands reached inside to pull out a letter, paper slightly yellowed with age. As the office emptied out around her, she opened the letter.  
****************************  
She smiled politely at the odd pair, the older male trying too hard for her taste while the red haired female apparently just wanted to sell her on upgrades. Not that she’d have the funds for those anytime soon, if ever. She did have other responsibilities after all.

After a large amount of smiling and nodding, she breathed a sigh of relief as their figures retreated into the distance. Short brown hair flew into her face as she jogged quickly back towards the bus station stopping short of the exit to her quaint farm as a maroon jeep pulled in, stopping quickly by the house. By the looks of the farm, she was lucky there was a path way large enough for it to get through.  
“Thanks, for the help sis,” she called out, rushing forwards to pull open the doors of the jeep, a rare smile on her lips as two large black dogs jumped out of the car, knocking her to the ground.  
“You’re welcome, Liz,” the woman called as she rolled down the window. A strained smile appeared on Liz’s face as she opened the passenger side door and took a large, grey carrier from the seat. “Are you sure you don’t want me to help you move in,” her sister continued, a concerned look on her face.  
“Nah, I’m good,” came the reply. “I’ve done this a few times before.”  
“But this time you’re on your own. Are you sure?”  
“Yeah, I am. I know you and your husband wanted to finish putting together the nursery before the baby comes.” A pointed look was directed at the driver’s large middle. “Thanks for bringing the kids, though. I’ll be sure to call if I need anything, promise.” With that, she shut the door and took a step back, effectively dismissing her sister. “I’ll invite you over once I have this place cleaned up a bit, okay?” The younger woman frowned but sighed, seemingly accepting that that was the most she could hope for and put the car in reverse, shaking her head. Lizzy smiled and waved as her sister drove off, it fading as soon as that car disappeared around the bend. The brunette bent slowly, almost as if it hurt her to do so, placing the carrier on the ground and opening it.  
“Sorry Maxwell,” she apologized softly as a black cat meowed and stretched before trotting over to the larger of the two dogs. “I had to get you here somehow. I know you hate car rides.” She looked over at the two dogs who stared back up at her, brown eyes begging. “Oh fine. You two go play. Go on!” With that, the pair took off, dashing around the property as the woman shook her head. When they were younger, Liz would have never dreamed of letting them go off without a leash. She figured, though, that out here there wasn’t much to hurt them. Besides, they both were rescues and had horrible anxiety; they checked on her so often a leash wasn’t necessary. She followed them carefully, surveying the property for the first time. It looked just awful. Trees were everywhere, some horribly sickly. Where there weren’t trees, grass and weeds grew, all reaching her knee even though it was just the beginning of spring. The worst part, though, were the hidden “surprises” in the grass. She had almost twisted her ankle more than once because of the branches and stones. She whistled loudly and headed back towards the porch, cursing loudly as she tripped and hit the ground. Immediately, she was surrounded by black fur, worried brown eyes looking into her own. “Toby, I’m fine,” she reassured the larger dog, holding his white paw as he offered it to her and placing a soft kiss on it before standing up. The other bounded up soon after, black speckled tongue to the side. “Lucy let’s go inside. I need to get you guys some water; it’s going to be a long day outside for sure.”  
****************************  
Food might be the biggest problem, Lizzy decided as she stood, heaving as she used her shovel as support. She didn’t really think about bringing much, and she didn’t have money for it either. Rather, she didn’t have money for food for herself and for the pets, and if she had to choose then, well, there wasn’t really much of a choice. She would rather starve than let those three go hungry. They already had dealt with enough before she adopted them anyway. On the bright side, she did manage to get all the parsnip seeds that the mayor had left her into the ground. She supposed she ought to thank him. Maybe she should run into town; she needed more seeds anyway. And some pet food. She dusted her hands off onto her blue jeans and staggered towards the exit of the farm, her dogs heeding a soft command to “go play” as she’d “be right back.” Lewis had also suggested that she introduce herself to the townsfolk. She supposed it couldn’t hurt to do that either.  
The walk was harder than she thought it would be, probably because of the amount of squatting and bending she had had to do earlier. She managed to stumble into the shop a good hour before it closed, though, so at least she wasn’t being too rude. She grabbed the cheapest bag of grain free pet food she could find and set it on the counted, starting as a sandy haired man ran up, a wide grin on his face.  
“You must be the new farmer! Welcome to the valley. I’m Pierre. My wife and I run this shop with our daughter Abigail. Be sure to stop by if you need anything.”  
“A-Ah yeah. I’m Lizzy. Thanks.”  
“Will that be all for you?” He practically beamed. “Would you like bags?”  
“I want to buy some seeds, actually. Could I have a three cauliflower seed packets, a potato seed packet, and a green bean seed packet?” She asked, staring intently at the sales counter. “Bags would be great, please.”  
She quietly counted out the money, laying out the exact amount on the counter before grabbing the bags and turning to leave. “Have a nice day.”  
Brown eyes closed, she exited the store in a rush, nearly bumping into a purple haired girl that she could only assume was Pierre’s daughter. Who else would be going into the shop so close to close? “Sorry,” she quickly apologized. “I didn’t see you.”  
“It’s fine,” the girl said, almost dismissively, though it was obvious she was curious. “It’s a shame you moved into that old place. I liked exploring it.”  
Liz’s cheeks flushed red as she simply turned and fled back towards the farmhouse. People were rude everywhere, she supposed; though being this far out, it didn’t surprise her too much. It was human to hate change, after all.  
_Don’t take it to heart,_ she reminded herself quietly. _Alan would just say she’s an ass and move on. You should too._  
After greeting some excited-to-see-her puppies, she fed her animals and got back to work, planting and watering the seeds before forcing herself to clear some more of those dangerous weeds. She needed to clear a big enough square to plant more crops once the time came, and even more if she wanted to build some things. She shoved some items into the selling bin that she didn’t need and put the rest in a rusty old chest she had found behind the house before heading to the small pond on her property. It didn’t look too bad, and she was in desperate need of a wash. Before she could change her mind, Liz jumped in, clothes and all, splashing around in the water until her skin turned back to it’s natural ivory hue. There was no point in washing her hair if she’d just get dirty tomorrow; one trip in town was enough for her for one week, anyway. She could explore the rest of this place while avoiding it anyway.  
Brown locks plastered themselves to her neck as Liz walked inside, suddenly exhausted by the day’s events. It was only 9, but that was late enough. Maybe tomorrow would be a better day.


	2. The Ass

She couldn’t believe that it was halfway to summer already.  That, and she couldn’t believe that she _still_ hadn’t met everyone in town.  Not quite.  She wasn’t exactly a night person, and she also wasn’t exactly a bar person.  Apparently, those two things were defining traits the last person had on her list.  Liz shuddered as she remembered meeting Pam, her least favorite person thus far.  She reminder her all too much of her own family, though, maybe that wasn’t fair; Pam didn’t seem to be the type to attempt murder, after all.  It would be an insult to liken her too much.  She opened the door quickly, carrying three food bowls in her hands as black pets surrounded her, her dogs barking as she, for the first time, noticed the woman standing in front of her doorway.

“Marnie.  Good morning,” she said quietly.  She didn’t socialize much, but she still liked the woman.  Not everyone would be able to handle what Marnie had had thrown at her and still be strong.  The fact that the woman was also willing to vaccinate her pets and help her clip Toby’s nails was also a plus; normally, it took three people to hold the Doberman mix down, but Marnie could clip them without any help at all.  That made her a hero, in Liz’s opinion.

“Hello, Lizzy!  You see this dog here?”  The shorter woman turned to gaze at the golden, short haired dog at her side, it’s tail wagging happily as the other dogs surrounded it, sniffing.  “I found it siting outside the entrance of your farm!  I think it’s a stray… poor thing.”

Liz reached down and grabbed a hold of Lucy’s collar just as her sleek body began to go rigid.  “Lucy, this is a new friend,” she scolded lightly.  “Be nice, you understand?”  Though it was likely she _didn’t_ understand, Lucy could at least recognize the rebuking tone and whined, putting her tail between her legs and licking at any of Lizzy’s bare skin she could find.  “Be good.”  The brunette released her collar and turned back to Marnie with an apologetic look.

“Hey!  It seems to like this place,” Marnie continued, almost as if she didn’t notice Lucy’s bad behavior.  “Hey, um… Don’t you think this farm could use a good dog?”

Liz’s eyebrows quirked as she almost glared at the woman.  “These two are good dogs.  And that one would make three.  It took six months to get Lucy comfortable enough with Toby to keep her from being… possessive.“

“I mean no offense,” Marnie hurried apologetically.  “It’s just that… you are so good with your dogs.  They listen to you so well, and they seem to love being with you.  No one else in town would be able to adopt this guy either.”

Liz motioned for Marnie to hold onto the dog as she set down the three bowls of food.  She rolled her eyes slightly at the pup’s pathetic whine of jealousy before fetching another bowl of food and placing it in front of the now very happy dog.  “May I?”

“Of course!”

Liz gently began to run her hands up and down the dog, wincing as she felt its ribs.  A few red marks confirmed that Marnie had at least given it its vaccinations, so the other dogs wouldn’t get sick from it.  “A boy, huh,” she spoke softly.  Its ears were battered and torn, and its muzzle had scars all across it.  “I doubt this was a stray; it looks like he was beaten to me,” she observed.  “I’ll take him.  But only if you help me watch him from time to time.  I don’t want him and Lucy getting into a fight.”

“Of course,” she replied easily.  What will you name him?”

“…Lucas.”

“Well, Lucas, you be a good pooch now… okay?”  He barked and wagged his tail, as if he was agreeing as Liz began picking up the bowls and placing them on the counter.  “Bring him over whenever you have a problem,” she said with a cheerful wave.  “Thanks, Liz!”

The brunette watched the short woman leave her property and sat on the porch, head in her hands.  “I can barely handle you three.  What am I supposed to do with another one?”  She asked Toby, who was standing beside her, intent on invading the newcomer’s privacy.  “Well, it’s too late now.  Alan would’ve said yes too, wouldn’t he?”  She stretched, letting the kinks in her spine pop before grabbing her work gloves and watering can.  It was going to be a long day.

**********

10 o’clock was late in the evening for her; Liz’s depression always had made her sleepy all the time, no matter if it was 10pm or 10 am.  Unfortunately, her anti-depressants made it worse.  If her alarms or pets didn’t wake her, she could sleep for two days straight and not even notice.   That never happened, though, but she still felt lethargic almost every moment of every day.  She had gotten everything done for the day, at least.  Including some fishing and foraging.  She froze almost everything and ate the bare minimum she needed; her noisy stomach was always quick to remind her of that.  But, without a kitchen, it was hard to cook anything.  Anything that wasn’t burnt or roasted anyway.  She was saving what she could in the floor freezer she had bought off Robin after her first harvest.  Liz figured she’d need it for winter when there were no crops to plant and nothing to do besides mine, which was probably boring in of itself.  She hadn’t gone yet, but she would have to eventually.  The brunette was much too cheap to buy things she could find or make herself, like ore or bars.  The blacksmith had told her how to make her own, after all.  Still, Liz had a much more exhausting task to do today; she needed to meet that final person.  She shut Lucas inside the house in Lucy’s old kennel, ignoring his heart-jerking whines while leaving the other two outside where they couldn’t destroy anything.  It was a better option than leaving them to come back to a bloody mess due to a dog fight.  Besides, she had constructed a small fenced in area around her house, so they couldn’t go far when she shut the gate.  Lucy wasn’t mean; she had just had a hard life before.  One that probably involved dog fighting rings given her protectiveness of Liz against any other dog, including Toby who Liz had owned years before getting Lucy.  But, who knew.  Lucy might not even pick a fight.  Better safe than sorry, though.

She put her hair up into a loose ponytail and washed her face quickly in the pond before heading towards town.  Maybe next she’d ask Robin to put in some plumbing.  She had borrowed a book from the library to figure out where to dig a hole for her… waste products and how to make water drinkable, but an actual toilet and shower would be a good addition.  She’d probably freeze to death without any in the winter considering she didn’t have a tub she could fill up.  Boiling water to drink was also getting to be a pain considering she had to hang it over the fire.  Honestly, she didn’t know what her grandpa was thinking when he got the place.  He probably lived in his RV and used the house for electricity or something.  She didn’t know much about the old man, so this place was a mystery.

As she trudged down the dirt path towards town, Liz took a few deep breaths.  She usually avoided places like the saloon, but she didn’t have much of an option today.  Not when the mayor kept on bothering her about meeting everyone.  If Lewis kept on appearing on her property at random, she was going to die of a heart attack.  Apparently two weeks meant she was taking too long, even if the main reason she had waited was because she hated bars.  Well, bars and Jojo Mart.

She walked in as quietly as possible and surveyed the room.  Gus and Emily seemed busy making food and serving drinks, so she could luckily avoid them there.  Everyone else seemed to be chattering amongst themselves; good.  They probably weren’t expecting her to show up anyway; she never did.  Her gaze darted rapidly across the room until she found the person she was looking for, Shane.  His worn blue jacket and stained green undershirt didn’t surprise her.  From what she had overheard, he was the town drunk.  The town _male_ drunk since some thought Pam was worse than him.  Either way, she was sure he had some “reason” for doing it.  As long as he kept away from her while he was wasted, she didn’t care.  She approached him quietly.  He was just staring at a wall while he drank.  It was so… depressing.  Almost like he was trying to drink himself out of existence.  She could relate to the feeling, even if she never touched alcohol.  She cleared her throat softy and offered him a weak smile when he glanced her way.  “Ah hi.  I’m Liz.  I just moved to the farm north of Marnie’s a lit-“

"I don't know you. Why are you talking to me?" He interrupted, brown eyes sliding back to the wall.

Heat made its way up to her face as she began to panic, her mouth gaping open like a fish surprised to find itself caught on a hook.  “B-Because I wanted to introduce myself?” She half-asked, wondering herself.  She should have just stayed home; this guy obviously didn’t like her.

“Well now you did, so leave.”

So, she did.  Liz didn’t hear the greetings from the other town members as she stiffened and walked out of the saloon before fleeing back home.  She didn’t even notice the tears running down her face as she ushered the dogs into the shack her called her home and let Lucas out of the cage.  It wasn’t until she lay in bed that she noticed and began to curse softly.  “Damn it, Alan.  If you were still here, none of this would have happened.  Damn you for leaving me.”  Did all of the town members feel that way?  Probably.  Most of them seemed too friendly as it was; there was no way they actually welcomed her presence here.  She stifled a sob and turned to her side, snuggling into Toby’s silky fur while alternating between petting the other two dogs.  _Just lock it away, Liz.  It’s easier if you just don’t have any emotions at all.  You can’t get hurt that way._   She repeated those thoughts over and over again until she was able to fall asleep.


	3. Aco Taco Tuesday

She hadn’t been in town in a week.  She hadn’t even been _seen_ by anyone in town for a week.  She was alive, they assumed, from the noises that came from her farm and the not-empty bin the mayor found at the end of every night.  Was she too sensitive?  Probably.  Shane could be an ass, but, surely, she had experienced worse in the city, right?  Was it really worth missing her first town festival for?  She wasn’t so sure herself.

Liz let out a soft grunt as she pushed on her shovel, cursing whatever gods that made getting rid of tree stumps so frickin’ hard.  She had done it for her parents from time to time, but those were baby tree stumps in comparison to what she was dealing with now.  As she let out a low groan, the roots beneath the ground snapped, causing her to fall on her rear as the sky rained dirt down her shirt and onto her wavy locks.  Why had she worn it down today?  Oh, right.  Because it was breaking from being up in a hair band for so long.

She had long left mortification behind.  Mortification of that event that continually circled through her mind, replaying over and over at the most inconvenient times, like the middle of the night.  Now, she was angry.  Well, more of a mix of anger and self-loathing.  Why were people always so rude?  It wasn’t like she had asked him to help her on the farm or something.  She was just saying hello because Lewis told her to.  Maybe that was the problem.  Maybe he knew that she was a worthless piece of shit and just wanted to circumvent having to pretend to like her.  Or be polite.  Lizzy wasn’t sure, but she knew it had to be her fault in some way or another; it always was.  Why would he be rude otherwise?

She dropped her head into her muddy gloves, ignoring the fact that dirt was probably smudged all over her face before lifting it up sharply at the sound of a series of loud barks.  “Lucy!  Luca, no!”  She sprinted towards the sound, finding Toby off to the side as he watched Lucy and Luca, teeth flashing and bodies erect.  She grabbed Lucy by the butt and lifted her into the air, turning as she did so.  “What. Are. You. Two. Doing.” She demanded, her voice low and calm as she set Lucy down onto a nearby patch of grass.  She immediately rolled to her back while simultaneously trying to lick every part of the brunette she could reach, whining.  Lucas, on the other hand, simply sat, looking at everything except for his new owner.  After thoroughly examining her pets, she sighed with relief.  It was just a scuffle, not an actual fight.  “Do you know how much room you have to play?!” She scolded them, spanking them each firmly on their behinds before hunting for whatever sparked the conflict.  Nothing was around, so it was probably just a “you looked at me wrong” fight.  Again.  Liz sighed loudly.  How many times was that this week?  Four?  Five?  It _was_ much better than the first week Toby and Lucy spent together; it had taken a lot of re-training to make the Australia cattle dog realize what boundaries were.  But, that had been when Alan was still…

She quickly took off her gloves, braiding her hair into two shoulder length plaits before washing her hands and face quickly in the lake.  She should probably ask Demetrius to test the water to make sure it wasn’t dangerous, but she wasn’t sick yet.  Red, aching hands reached for a spare leash, fastening it to Lucas’s collar before shutting the other two dogs into the small shack.  “I’ll be back in a second,” she promised before heading down to the southern part of her land.  She took a deep breath and walked off her land, heading towards Marnie’s Ranch.

She entered the shop and closed the door quietly behind her.  Marnie wasn’t behind the counter.  That was odd.  Maybe she would be back soon.  Liz shifted her weight from food to food as she waited near the entrance, pressing herself against the will before hearing a noise in the room adjoining the entryway.  The kitchen.  Of course!  It was close to dinner time, and the rancher seemed like the family type.  She probably made homemade dinners every night and read Jas stories before bed.  She walked into the kitchen, keeping Lucas on a tight leash as she began to speak.  “Marnie, I know it’s last minute, but could you—”  Brown eyes searched the kitchen for the smaller brunette but froze as they found a brown haired person, just of the wrong gender.  “Sh-Shane.  I’m sorry I thought Marnie…”

"Hm. It's 6 o’clock. Should I warm up a pizza in the microwave now or wait until later?"

Was he talking to her?  “Uh, yeah.  You’re probably hungry after working all day.”

He grunted and threw the frozen pizza into the stainless steal microwave and pressed a few buttons.  He turned towards her and looked down by her feet.  “That’s the dog Marnie found.  You here to return it?”

“No,” Liz said hurriedly, her brown crinkling.  “Marnie offered to watch him if there were any problems between him and the other dogs, so…”

“I’m assuming there were then,” Shane harrumphed, turning to look back at his heating up food through the glass.

“Yeah.  It happens when you introduce a new dog.  They’re just testing each other’s limits,” she explained, though she wondered why she did.  He wouldn’t care.

He didn’t respond to her words, waiting until the microwaved beeped to put the now steaming pizza on the table.  “I can take care of him until Marnie gets back, if you want.”  It was a surprising offer for sure, but from what she could tell, he liked animals.  His aunt had told her that much, and, judging by the way he kept on glancing towards the golden dog laying at her feet, she supposed it was true.

“I don’t want to bother you.  I know you’re busy.”

“It won’t be a bother.”

She glanced down and gently unhooked the leash from Lucas’s collar, her hand freezing as the dog immediately bounded towards Shane and sat at his feet, begging for food.  “I fed him already, so don’t let him fool you,” she said quietly, feeling more anxious as this conversation went on.  Honestly, it would have been better if he had just yelled at her; at least she was expecting that.  “I’ll pick him up in the morning, if that’s okay.”

He nodded his assent, and relief bloomed across her features before she turned and rushed towards the entryway, jumping in surprise as Jas entered the house, Marnie in tow.

“Liz!  What a pleasant surprise! Won’t you stay for dinner?”  The older woman ushered her into the kitchen before the brunette could reply, eyes wide and nervous as she was quickly seated at the table.  “Shane, I told you dinner was in the oven,” she scolded her nephew lightly as she put on a pair of chicken print oven mitts and pulled what looked and smelled like a taco casserole out of the oven.  “Put that pizza away and eat it later.”  She quickly pulled out plates and silverware, quickly serving everyone a piece before settling herself down at the table.  “So, Liz.  What brings you here today?”

“I, uh,” her voice cracked as she spoke, shoulders tense as she withdrew into herself in Shane’s presence.  “Lucas was causing some trouble, so I thought he could stay with you for the night, if that’s okay?”

“Of course!”  With that, Marnie began to chatter about her day, talking about her newest calf who was apparently born that afternoon and trying, and failing, to engage Jas, who was shy around newcomers, and Shane, who was… something, in conversation.  Taking pity on the poor woman, Liz began to comment quietly and say a few words here and there, not wanting to come off as rude.  Finally, Lizzy gathered the courage to stand and excuse herself.

“I’m sorry, but it’s getting late.  I’d better get home.”

“Here.”  Shane held out a container filled with the pizza he had tried to heat up earlier.  “Take it.  This stuff sucks when you have to reheat it.”

“Thanks.  I’ll bring the container back,” she offered quietly as she took it before turning and leaving the ranch, too grateful for the chance to escape to try to find any hidden motive behind the act.

That was the best she’d eaten since she moved here.  That was for sure.  It was genuinely good too.  She’d have to ask Marnie for the recipe once she got a kitchen.  She glanced back just before she reached the entrance to her own property, frowning slightly.  Maybe she’d misjudged Shane.  Though he was crude and short, he still gave her his left overs, and that meant something, especially to her stomach.  Maybe he didn’t hate her as much as she thought.


	4. A Friendly? Face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone! I'm sorry, but I'm still trying to figure out the chapter length thing. So, if it seems too short, please let me know! I can write more, but I am just not sure what's too much at this point, honestly. Thanks!

For some reason, the brunette didn’t wake until a little later than normal the next day; she supposed it had something to do with the fact that she had been waking up every few hours to make sure Lucas was doing alright; her body needed the rest now that he was gone.  Still, she needed to pick up Lucas before Marnie; she didn’t want to inconvenience the woman any more than she had.  Sitting on the edge of her bed, she jolted at the sound of a knock at her door.  She pulled her unbrushed hair back into a bun and rushed towards the door still in her pajamas as she cracked it open.

“O-Oh!  Shane!”  She threw it open at the sight of the slightly taller man and the golden dog behind him.  She quickly shut it behind her, Lucy and Toby barking furiously through the door.  “It’s 6:30!  I didn’t realize I needed to come and get Lucas so early; I’m sorry!”  She reddened as she remembered her attire; a white tank top and shorts.  She crossed her arms over her breasts, praying that he hadn’t seen anything… unnecessary; the last thing she needed was for him to think she was some sort of exhibitionist.

“Marnie told me to bring him back on my way to work this morning,” He said shortly, though he did pat the dog’s head affectionately.  It was obvious that Lucas liked him, given the way he licked his hand affectionately and sat next to him; Lizzy was having a hard time getting the dog to show any affection towards her at all, though it was like that for most recuses at first.

“Well, thank you,” Liz said softly.  “Oh!  While, you’re here,” she cracked open the door and slipped inside, walking to the table by the fireplace, grabbing the container from the night before and handing it to him before shutting the door again, an arm still covering her breasts and face still flaming.  “Thank you for the left overs.  I was going to bring back your container this morning, but…”

He took it and nodded.  “No problem.  You eat the pizza already?”  He asked, sounding curious.

“No,” she shook her head, a small smile on her lips, “I’m not starving, you know.  I just put it in my own container.  I would probably forget to bring it back otherwise.”

He shrugged.  “Whatever.  I better head to work.  Morris will have my ass if I’m late.”

“Yeah. Right.  Thanks again.”  She stood aside to let Lucas run into the house, immediately making his way towards his empty food bowl, tipping it over before sending her what could only be described as a pitiful look.  Lucy stood by him expectantly as Toby used the opportunity to slip out of the house and smell Shane before wagging his tail and running off to go pee on a nearby tree.  She shook her head, a small smile on her face as she placed her hands on her hips.  “Two more minutes won’t kill you,” she scolded the younger two dogs as she made her way towards them, leaving the door open so that Toby could follow.

“Oh, and Liz?”  Shane asked with a raised brow, causing her to look back towards him.  “You should probably start wearing a different shirt to bed.”

Her face reddened, and she slammed the door shut, cringing as his loud chuckle faded into the distance.  Damn it.

**************************

Was she pouting?  Yeah, she was.  She was embarrassed, but at this point, did it _really_ even matter?  He already hated her anyway, so this morning didn’t change anything.  Or did it?  He _laughed._   Granted, he laughed at her, but he still laughed.  You don’t laugh at someone unless you like them (as a friend, of course) or unless you’re just mean.  He wasn’t mean, though; Liz was sure of that.

She had gone to Marnie’s shortly after changing and watering her crops to apologize for dropping Lucas on her last minute.  Marnie, of course, had said it was no problem, and that Shane had cared for him all night, even going as far as to let him sleep in his bed.  Anyone who was good with dogs couldn’t be a bad person; dogs were great judges of character, after all.

He hadn’t even seen that much, anyway.  It wasn’t like she had flashed him her whole boobs; the most he could have seen was the outline of her nipples through the shirt; did it even matter?  He was a grown ass adult.  There was no way he hadn’t watched porn at his age.  He was what, late twenties early thirties?  He couldn’t be much older than her own age of 28.  He definitely had experience with women; he had to.  He was attractive enough, anyway.

She rested her head against the handle of her shovel, banging her forehead against it a few times before perking up slightly.  She’d just apologize to him tonight; he was always at the bar anyway.  It’d be easier to keep a low profile if he didn’t outright hate her anyway.  Maybe she was over thinking the whole thing.  Yeah, that was probably it.  He’d probably be too drunk in the morning to remember her apologizing, but at least she would have done it.

Lizzy took a deep breath before beginning to dig, feeling revitalized.  After she got yet another stupid tree trunk out of the ground, she’d be able to expand her crops and plant some more.  She had planted crops that produced continuously, making watering a pain but the profit good.  If she kept this up, she’d be able to pay Robin to install a bathroom by the end of next week, and that included Shane’s “gift.”  It’d be a shitty bathroom for sure, but it couldn’t be worse than the small pond and hole in the ground.  At the very least, her dogs deserved fresher drinking water.

She hummed softly to herself as she worked, finally getting the majority of the stump and large pieces of root out of the ground before filling the hole back in with dirt and taking out her hoe and beginning to work the ground.  The sooner she got done, the sooner she would be able plant crops, which meant the sooner she’d have a bathroom.  The fact that the idea excited her really showed her old age.

She finished her work a few minutes past six; if she hurried and cleaned up, she would have plenty of time to catch Shane at the saloon.  Just because she didn’t talk to people didn’t mean she couldn’t listen, after all, and the townspeople gossiped about Shane a lot.  Well, Shane and herself.  Apparently, the newest people in town were always subjected to that sort of treatment, which made her feel sort of bad for the guy.  It was no wonder he drank so much if he had to deal with being the town’s most exciting news every day.  Liz had hoped that moving from the city would get rid of “old judgmental white people,” a phrase that unfortunately included her own parents, but she supposed that out in the country, people weren’t exposed to as much.  Of course they’d be less willing to change; it made sense, even if it was grossly unfair.

She had luckily heated up some water in the day earlier and had poured it into the wooden bathtub she had found behind the house after clearing the last of the weeds.  It was ancient but waterproof. At least she knew herself well enough to plan; there was no way she would have had time to wait for it to boil and then throw it into the tub.  She’d have to wait for it to cool afterwards, and it was just too much work.  She stripped and jumped into the slightly chilly water.  It was refreshing after being under the hot sun all day.  She scrubbed herself quickly and hopped out, pouring her dirty laundry into the water next.  She’d do it once she got back, but at least it’d have time to soak the mud and grime out of her clothes.

Next was what to wear.  She didn’t usually care, but she owed this guy a favor.  She chose a coral summer dress with short sleeves.  It reached slightly past her knees, showing just how much weight she had lost since buying it.  She had probably gone from a size 18 to a size 10 just in the three weeks since moving.  Not being able to afford food and having to scavenge did help on the weight loss front.  _Mom would be proud,_ Liz thought disdainfully before pulling her wet locks into a messy bun and fastening earrings onto her ears.  A slight amount of makeup base and mascara later, and she was done.  She fed the dogs outside, waiting until they finished before kenneling Lucas and shutting the other two into the small house; there wasn’t much to for Toby’s anxiety to destroy, and they had rawhides to chew on.  As long as he didn’t get into the freezer, everything would be fine.  She slipped on her sandals and made her way towards town.

“What should I buy Shane,” she wondered aloud, fingers reaching up to rub her face, a nervous habit that usually resulted in acne a few days later.  “Everyone likes pizza, right?  That should work as long as he doesn’t like pineapple on his.”  She made a face at the thought, heart hammering as she reached the entrance of town.  Maybe she should have work different shoes; her feet her aching because of the walk, and she was sure her feet were dusty, though the dim light made it hard to tell.  God, had it always been this hard for her to make friends?  It felt like it, even if it wasn’t the truth.  She had been an extrovert once.  In high school, but it still counted.  Now, it felt like every attempt she made to make a friend wasn’t worth it.  Why would anyone want to be friends with her?  She was literally worthless.  People could see right through her.  It would only make sense if they avoided her.

She made her way to the entrance of the Saloon and took a deep breath.  It was a Wednesday night.  The only people who’d be there were Marnie, Lewis, Shane, Emily, and Gus.  That wasn’t so many people, right?  It was only five; five wasn’t much at all.  She sucked in another breath, almost feeling sick to her stomach as she opened the door to the saloon.  The music was playing pleasantly and the lights were dim, making her arrival almost unnoticeable as she smiled at Marnie, who called her name out in obvious surprise before making her way to the register.

“Welcome, Lizzy,” Gus greeted cheerily as he wiped his hands on a towel that was tucked into her jeans and strode forward.  “What can I get you today?”

“May I please get a pizza?  Peperoni with red pepper flakes, please,” the brunette requested, quickly counting out the total Gus told her and handed it over.  “Thanks.”

She turned, heading towards Shane who she had noticed was glancing her way every second or two, seemingly curious.  Was there something wrong with what she wore?  She knew the dress was a little baggy, but it was the best of what she had right now.  At least it didn’t hang off of her like a potato sack.  Was her make up smeared?  Her base was too light, but she hadn’t thought it was that noticeable.  Not from so far away, anyway.

“Hi, Shane,” Lizzy said quietly, taking the nearest seat next to him and turning so that she was facing him.

"Why are you bothering me? I want to be alone."  She tried not to be taken back by his retort.  He didn’t mean it.  He probably didn’t want to be bothered.  Or he was afraid of getting laughed at.  Yeah, that was it.

“I ordered a pizza.  To say thanks for taking care of Lucas last night.”

He harrumphed, taking a swig of his beer before wiping his face with a loud burp.  Luckily, Emily appeared a few moments later with the pizza, sending Liz a soft smile.  “Here’s you’re food!”  After thanking her quietly, the brunette turned back towards Shane, closing her eyes for a brief second before continuing.  “Don’t you want some?”  Gus must have made some pizzas in anticipating for the night.  There’s no other way he could have made it so damn quickly.

“What kind is it,” he asked abruptly, his eyes wandering to the food.

“Peperoni with red pepper flakes.  I noticed when you heated your pizza up the other day that you put some on it, so I hope that’s okay.”

He took a slice and bit into it, a real smile on his face.  “Thanks, Lizzy.”

“You’re welcome,” she said, smiling gratefully.  It didn’t blow up in her face this time.  With her mission accomplished, she wasn’t sure what to do anymore.  She sat awkwardly next to the man, feeling uncomfortable as he finished his slice and went back to drinking in silence.  Honestly, she hadn’t thought she’d get this far.  Now what?  After a few more minutes, brown eyes flickered to the clock as she stood.  Her face heated.  He probably thought she was an idiot, sitting there like some sort of human statue.  It’d be best if she just left.  “Uh well, I’d better get going.”

“Aren’t you going to have some?”  Dark brown eyes met her lighter ones.  “You bought it after all.  Even if it’s a thank you gift, you should have some.”

She hesitated before settling back town on her stool, knees bent as she took a piece and chewed on it slowly.  Even if she had had Marnie’s cooking yesterday, her body still wasn’t used to eating much or eating anything greasy recently.  Times had honestly been hard since she’d moved, but she never thought of going back.  There were too many memories in the city to haunt her.  “Thanks.  It’s pretty good.  Not as spicy as I expected, though.”  She took another bite and tilted her head.  “You like spicy food, then?”

"I'm surprised you're still trying to make friends with me. Haven't I been rude enough to you yet?" He commented as he reached for another slice, arm brushing across hers in the process.

“You are pretty rude,” she admitted.  “But, Lucas likes you.  And, Toby likes you.  That dog’s been through a lot, so I trust his judge of character.  If he likes you, you can’t be a bad person.  Maybe just…”She trailed off and stopped, finishing her slice slowly before taking a long drink of the water Emily had thoughtfully brought after they had started eating the pizza.  She handed the other glass to Shane.

“I’ve got this,” he said, motioning towards his beer.

“And you’ll have one hell of a hangover if you don’t drink some water,” she replied tiredly.  “Just drink some and I’ll leave you alone.”

He took a sip, brows raised.  “You’re different when you’re…”

“Exhausted?” She supplied.

“Something like that.”

She shrugged.  “Anyway, I’d better head home.  The dogs are probably tearing up the place by now.”  It’d only been half an hour, but she couldn’t bear to stay longer; it was awkward to say the least.  “Thanks again for taking care of Luca.”

He grunted before switching back to his beer, taking another swig.

“Enjoy the pizza.”  And she left.

**************************

_“Alan, honey, I love you so much.  But I am human.  I lose patience sometimes.  I’m sorry!  But, you’re acting like… like”_

_“Like a baby,” the man beside her added morosely, shoulders drooping as he sat on the floor.  “I always make it about me, don’t I?”_

_“You sort of do,” she replied wearily.  “I feel like I can’t ever vent to you; I can’t talk to you without you blaming yourself for it.  Alan, I. Have. Depression.  I won’t be happy every day, and it won’t go away just because you love me enough.  It has nothing to do with you.”_

_“Then talk!” He shouted.  “Let it out!  Just talk!  Ignore me!”_

_“You know I can’t do that!”  She yelled back.  “Once I see you hurting, I shut down!  I stuff my emotions back inside so I can help you!  I hate it when you tell me to let it out!  It’s not that easy!”_

_“God damn it,” his voice lowered to a whisper as he began to beat himself with his hand.  “God fucking damn it.”_

_The brunette pinned his hands above his head and began placing kisses on his soft brown hair, working her way down to his lips.  “I love you, honey.  We will work this out, okay?  But I’m scared for when I get really down.  I won’t be able to comfort you like this… I’ll be too shut down,” she gently whispered the words into his ear.  “I love you.  Very, very much, but you need to work on this, please.  For me.”_

_He nodded, tears still streaming down his face as she gently removed his grey glasses, wiping his face before placing another kiss on his forehead.  “Let’s go to sleep, Alan.  Goodnight.  I love you.”_

**************************

She woke up in a cold sweat, sitting up so suddenly that Maxwell flew off his usual sleeping spot on her chest and dropped onto the floor, glaring at her before sauntering off.  “How could I forget,” Lizzy closed her eyes and brought her knees to her chest.  “We argued like that so much…”  A sob racked her body as Toby moved from his position under the blankets, sitting beside her and scratching her with his paw.  She automatically began to bet him as she continued to cry, more softly now.  “Alan… I miss you.  So much.”  She hadn’t dreamed about him since moving to Pelican Town.  This had to be some sort of sign, some sort of punishment for her actions lately.  There was no other explanation.  She needed to stay away from Shane, from everyone.  She deserved it; how could she not?  She had let her best friend die.


	5. Chapter 5: Springtime Beginnings

That girl was _fucking_ weird.  Shane drained his glass before grabbing another slice of the pizza, eyes following as she walked out of the bar.  At least she had a good ass, even if she was too thin for his liking.  As he placed his now empty glass on the bar, he caught Emily staring at him and glared.  He didn’t know why Liz was being so nice to him either; she sure as hell didn’t have any reason to.  Maybe she was just doing it because Marnie was so damned nice.  Actually, that was probably it.  Marnie had probably asked her to be nice to him because he’s “better on the inside than out.”  Whatever.  Either way, he was going to get trashed as usual and go home, he decided, even as he felt Marnie’s disappointed stare as he grabbed another beer from Emily and took another gulp.

********************

She didn’t sleep at all after the nightmare, instead choosing to get up at that early time of 3am and begin working on her farm.  All the animals chose to sleep on the porch, except Toby who followed her around with a worried expression on his face.

“I’m fine, buddy,” she whispered to him for the millionth time.  “Go lay down, okay?”

The stubborn dog ignored her and continued to follow close behind, probably afraid that she’d leave him if he didn’t.  She hadn’t left him alone for longer than a week since she adopted him, but despite the fact that it had been 7 years, the older dog just wouldn’t quit.  Lizzy sighed, sweeping her brown bangs away from her eyes before she continued to water and weed; luckily, she had managed to make a few torches.  It _was_ nice watering in the dark, though.  It was much cooler out despite how creepy it seemed.

All of her crops were doing quite well; Blue Jazz was her favorite thing to grow since the monarch butterflies flocked around the plants during the day; it certainly made sure that her other plants got pollenated with minimal work on her part.  It did help that she had made a hummingbird feeder and bee/butterfly feeder.  She wanted to keep the pollinators happy, especially considering the declining population of bees.  Maybe she should make a hive?

Liz tilted her head to the side before standing, finally finished with the gardening for the day.  Why not?  If the right bees found it, a swarm would come to settle in it soon.  Why not make a few and collect the honey to sell?  Her parents had experimented with one in their residential neighborhood, so she couldn’t see why she shouldn’t.  Who knew; it might be fun.

Before she knew it, it was 10, and she was very late in feeding the dogs.  The brunette quickly rushed inside, filling the bowls and placing them on the porch before plaiting her hair in a braid; it was getting in the way too often to wear down.  She had managed to build two beehives, and the bees were investigating them already.  She had set both of them next to the empty cave on her property; Liz eventually wanted to plant an orchard in front of the hives, which would be perfect for both her and the bees.  She was standing next to the finished hives when a voice spoke up behind her, causing her to jump.

“Hi, Lizzy!  I have some good news for you.  A few days ago I made a breakthrough in my research on the local environment.”

Lizzy put a hand to her chest as she stared at the tall man for a moment before uttering a weak “Oh?”

“I’ll spare you the technical details and get to the point… You know that empty cave over there, a little ways to the west?  Well, I have a way to turn it into something useful for both of us.  I’d like to set up the cave to attract some local species.  That way I can observe them in a more controlled environment.  And you can harvest whatever products they produce.  I can either set up the cave to attract mushrooms or fruit bats.  The bats will sometimes leave fruit for you to collect.”

“Bats would be nice,” she responded hesitantly, honestly wondering if she had the option to say no, “if you think they won’t bother my bees.”

“They won’t!  They are fruit bats after all.  Alright!  I’ll go set it up for you right now!  It shouldn’t take any time at all.  Thanks for letting me do this.”

With that, the odd man rushed off into the cave, mumbling excitedly while a bewildered Lizzy stared after him.

_What the hell…_

********************

After doing her budget that afternoon, the brunette decided that she could go out and afford to eat some _real_ food that night.  Some not-her-cooking-over-the-fireplace hot food before heading to bed and sleeping the rest of the night away.  She fed the dogs and rushed to the saloon, assuming no one would be there to drink at 5:30 at least.  Wasn’t drinking a night hobby anyway?

She sat at a table and stared at the menu while Emily chattered at her excitedly.  The blue-haired woman was friendly, but not usually _that_ friendly.  Did she do something to make her happy lately?  Lizzy couldn’t think what.  She ordered quickly and slumped in the chair, closing her eyes.  As the doors squeaked open, she didn’t bother to open them until a gruff voice interrupted her thoughts.

“You look dead.”

She opened her eyes, blinking rapidly as she took in the blue jacket and worn green collared shirt.

“Shane?”  She asked, more wondering if she was dreaming than anything else.

“Don’t overwork yourself, okay?”  He continued gruffly before turning to leave for his side of the saloon.

“Would you like to eat with me?”  She asked before she could stop herself.  He was being… friendly.  There was no way this was real.  Any second now, Emily would wake her up as she brought her food.  Or maybe she had never left for the saloon at all; maybe she had passed out on the porch.  “I ordered pepper poppers.  I-I don’t know if you like them but..”

“Yeah, sure.”  His reply surprised her.  What was she doing?  Hadn’t she just said she needed to stay away from him?  Was this even right?  There was no way she should enjoy herself.  Not after what she’d done.

They were both quiet until Emily brought the food, both offering awkward “thank you-s” as Lizzy put half of the poppers on a plate for herself and pushed the rest towards Shane.  “So…”  She searched her mind for some form of conversation.  “You work at Jojo Mart?”

“Yeah.”  The reply was clipped, and she internally flinched.

“I did for a while too.  It sucks.”

“Yeah.”  This one wasn’t as short; it was more relaxed.  “It does.”

She speared the food with a fork before popping it into her mouth and chewing thoughtfully.  It was spicy, but not hot enough.  Her dad made much spicier.

They spent the rest of the meal in silence, except for when Emily came by to refill their drinks, chatting with them like she was unaware of the awkward silence between them.  Once she finished her food, Lizzy cleared her throat awkwardly.  “I guess I’d better head home.”  She’d already paid when she ordered, so she stood and turned towards the door.

“Why are you so nice to me?”

Lizzy met his eyes for a brief moment.  He sounded so… unsure.  So _sad_.  She looked away, smiling sadly.  “You remind me of someone I used to know.”  She glanced back towards him.  “Except, you don’t pretend you’re happy when you’re not.”

She grabbed her purse from the floor and wiped her sweaty hands on her dirty jeans.  Why hadn’t she changed?  Oh yeah.  She had been too tired.  So much for keeping a good impression.  “Have a good night, Shane.”

********************

 _There was no way she’d been lying,_ Shane decided after his third beer for the night.  That smile was too real.  Who did he remind her of, he wondered as he sipped on the foam before taking a deeper drink.  He was too lost in thought to notice Marnie’s beaming glances.  When she walked over, he spilled a bit of his beer on his already stained jacket in surprise.

“I think she likes you,” the woman cooed, a dumb grin on her face.

“Shut up,” he replied as she laughed and walked away.  His face was a bit more red than usual, but Emily ignored it as she brought him a refill.  Maybe Liz did like him after all.

He placed his not empty beer on the counter and placed a few bills on it as well before walking out, not noticing the shocked looks from Emily, Gus, well the _whole bar_ except for Pam who couldn’t notice anything besides the shitty old TV she stared at most night.  He walked out into the fresh night air and took a deep breath.  He still had that 6-pack at home, and he needed to be alone.  The docks would be by now.  It was 8, after all.  No one really came to the docks anyway besides Leah to do painting, and it was way too dark for that now.

He stopped by his room to grab the cheap beer, glad that Jas was already in her room asleep.  She got up almost as early as he did to “help” Marnie with the chores.  She was good at gathering eggs, but Marnie still wouldn’t let her milk the cows just yet.

He headed out to the dock and sat, his legs swinging over the edge as he cracked open a beer and drank.  Liz really was a weird one.  But, she was nice enough.

“Shane?”

Speak of the devil.  “Up late, huh?  Here, have a cold one.”

He handed an unopened beer to the brunette, not looking at her as he did so.  She stared at it for a moment and fidgeted.  It almost seemed like she had never had one before, which was impossible given how old she looked.  Late twenties for sure.

“Buh… Life.”  Maybe it was the beer, or maybe it was her, but Shane began to ramble.  “You ever feel like…” he hesitated, “no matter what you do, you’re gonna fail?”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her nod.  He looked at her now, her hair out of the braid and flowing wavily down her back.  Even though she looked like absolute shit, like a starving prisoner of war, she was beautiful.

“…Like you’re stuck in some miserable abyss and you’re so deep you can’t even see the light of day?”  He continued, his voice growing softer.  “I just feel like no matter how hard I try… I’m not strong enough to climb out of that hole.”

 Lizzy nodded again before gulping the entire thing down in one go, smashing the can under her boot once she was done.  “Every day,” she whispered.

“Heh… fast drinker, huh?  Woman after my own heart.  Just don’t make it a habit… you got a future ahead of you still.”

He paused again and stopped staring at her, bending down to gather the bag that he threw his empty beer cans into as well as the rest of his beer.  “Whelp… My liver’s beggin’ me to stop.  Better call it a night.  See you around, Lizzy.”

He headed inside without looking back, not nearly as smashed as usual.  What was it about her that kept him from drinking?  What was it about her that made him feel like… like he could spill his guts and she’d still like him after?  He wasn’t sure, but he did know that she was something.

********************

Lizzy flinched as her world spun.  She stifled a sob as she teetered while walking off of the dock and back into the thicker part of the forest.  She _hated_ this feeling.  Feeling out of control and so… uncaring.  She quietly promised herself that she’d never drink again as she continued to forage, the reason why she had stumbled over Shane in the first place.  She had spent all the extra money she had on that meal tonight, not that she regretted it.  Though being with him was awkward at times, if it had made him feel like he could confide in her… that was all that mattered.  He needed someone to talk to, and that might as well be her.  It gave her a sense of purpose for one; she had felt that she was just fumbling for reasons to live for too long.  She popped a few salmon berries into her mouth as she continued her search, the shaking feeling stopping after eating a handful.  She took a deep breath as she checked her usual spots.  She was lucky.  She found loads of the berries which she handled gently as she put them into the bag she had bought from Pierre a few days before.  It wouldn’t be good to stain her new bag already.  She also found some leeks, daffodils, dandelions, which would make a salad if she was in a pinch (which she was), and horseradish.  She didn’t like the leeks, but she knew George liked them.  He had talked about them excitedly one day as she was selling some to Pierre.  She placed it all in her bag and headed back home, exhausted.

It was worth it, though, Lizzy decided as she spread the berries on a cookie sheet and placed it into the halfway full floor freezer.  The horseradish and dandelion leaves would be a good meal for the next day; you couldn’t really freeze them anyway.  She hadn’t known what had made her want to go on a last-minute foraging run but seeing Shane like that all alone had made her feel almost protective of the man.  He obviously had some things he just needed to talk about to get through.  Just like the rest of them.  She had already washed after dinner, so she threw off her clothes and climbed into bed wearing only her panties and a t-shirt.  No one came to visit her anyways, and she was just too tired to care.  Tomorrow was the day she would ask Robin about plumbing.  She finally had enough saved up if her harvest today fetched what she thought it would.  Finally, she could start living like a normal person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you guys think!


	6. Chapter 6: Roommate Birthdays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that this chapter is NSFW! Thank you!

Lizzy woke early the next morning, feeding her dogs and rushing to take care of her plants; she had always had a green thumb, so they were easy to grow.  She forced herself to do her chores before peeking inside of the chest that she dropped her wares in at the end of the day.  She hurriedly picked up the bills and change, counting them as she ran into the house.  _Perfect._   It was more than she thought, which meant she could finally get some plumbing.  She checked the time before rushing off towards Robin’s.

When she entered the building, she groaned internally at the sign at the desk.  So she was off to her exercise class.  She would just have to find her there.  Normally, Lizzy would just wait until the next work day, but it had been a month since her last shower; she wasn’t willing to wait another day.  She set off at a jog, heading towards Pierre’s as quickly as she could, only stopping to slow her breathing before entering the shop, giving the man himself a polite smile before heading back to where the exercise class usually took place.  The class was almost over, luckily, so she stood in the shadows until it was before heading over to the redhaired woman.

“Robin,” she said quietly as the other woman wiped the sweat from her brow.  “I was wondering if you had a moment to talk… business?”

“Of course, Lizzy!”  The woman beamed and wiped her hands off on her pants.  “What can I do for you?”

“I was wondering if you could install plumbing.  A bathroom and sink into the old house,” Lizzy said, her voice growing quieter and quieter as she glanced over her shoulder, hoping that no one was near enough to hear.

“You don’t have plumbing in your house?!”  Robin practically yelled.  “I had no idea!  Lewis only had me fix up the outside…”

“I have 10,000 gold.  Is that enough?”  Lizzy continued, cursing her own impatience as heads turned towards them, and she hunched her shoulders.  She should have waited.  That way only Robin’s family would know instead of the entire town.

“Of course!  Now, I’ll need you out of the house for a week to get it done…”

“She can stay with me!”  Lizzy jumped as a hand clasped on her shoulder.  “It’s the closest place to her farm, after all.”  The brunette turned to see Marnie standing next to her and began to refuse.

“I-I couldn’t—”

“Of course you can!  Your grandpa was a great friend of mine, after all.  Consider it repayment for all the things he did for me.”

“I—”  
“I’ll help you pack your things so I can start as soon as possible.  You don’t have to pay me, of course!  No plumbing… what was your grandpa thinking!”

“Robin, you’ll go out of business if you think that way,” Lizzy added hastily.  “Take it.  Please.”  The brunette didn’t really give her an option as she shoved the money into the older woman’s hand before withdrawing.

The redhead stared at her for a moment before nodding.  “Alright.  I’ll get started tomorrow.  Let’s get back to your place to pack up.”

“Thank you, but I can do it myself.”  The brunette turned to Marnie and bowed slightly.  “Thank you so much for letting me stay with you.  I promise to help you as much as I can.”  Then, she turned and rushed out of the store, cheeks burning.  God, what would the town think of her now?  She didn’t want their pity; she wanted them to be indifferent towards her at best.  She was a horrible person; why couldn’t they see that?

She lugged her suitcase out of the small attic and dragged it down the ladder, filling it with her essentials: dog food, cat food, dog bowls, the indoor water bowl, her work clothing, and her soap.  That was about all that she had.  Hopefully, Robin wouldn’t snoop around her things and find out how pitiful her life truly was right now.  She could only imagine her reaction to the freezer half filled with frozen forages.  She pocketed the rest of her money and put the cat into his cage.  Should she bring a litter box?  Marnie had some barn cats hanging around; she probably had one herself.

She took a deep breath and headed towards Marnie’s ranch, dogs in tow.  She hoped it wouldn’t be too much; she realized that three dogs would be a huge burden, but they’d really only be around to sleep; she planned on taking them to the farm right after waking and not being back until late.  Hopefully Marnie wouldn’t be too inconvenienced.  This entire situation made Lizzy extremely anxious; she honestly would rather sleep outside than receive help, not because she was prideful, but because she was afraid of the consequences.  Whenever someone had done something for her growing up, they always asked for something in return or used it as an excuse to coerce her into doing something she didn’t want to later on.  She had learned not to accept favors from a young age.  But, thinking of her dogs stopped her.  They didn’t deserve to sleep outside; Toby and Lucy were much too anxious for that.  They probably wouldn’t sleep at all which meant that she wouldn’t either.  A few days would be alright but an entire week?  She couldn’t afford to let her crops wither because of her own stubbornness.

So, she reluctantly knocked on Marnie’s door, greeted by the beaming woman and told that she would be staying in Shane’s room since Marnie didn’t have an extra bedroom or a living room for her to crash in.

“I-I can’t do that,” she protested as the woman hauled her stuff into the room.  “Have you even asked him about it yet?”

“No, but I’m sure he won’t mind.  After all, if we put the spare mattress on the floor and the littler box in the corner, he can still sleep in his room.  Besides; there’s no other place to put you.  I can’t have you sleeping in my shop as it’ll look bad to customers!  And Jas is too shy for you to stay with her.  I doubt she’d sleep a wink if you slept outside of her room either; I also don’t think Shane would be alright with her sharing his room since he comes home so… late.  So, that leaves you in his.”

"I could always sleep in the barn,” Lizzy offered weakly.  “I just don’t know if I’m comfortable sharing with Shane.”

“Nonsense,” Marnie replied, good-naturedly.  “You two are already good friends.  I’m sure you can handle it.  I’ll give you a little bit to settle in while I run over and let Shane know what’s going on.  Dinner’s on the table at 5.”  The older woman rushed out the door and Lizzy stared after her tiredly.  There was no way in _hell_ this was going to end well, but wat other choice did she have?  If she protested too much, she’d risk offending the other brunette, and who would she go to for shots later on? She didn’t have a car, and the dogs couldn’t exactly get on the bus.  She sighed and simply obeyed the woman, placing her suitcase by the mattress which sat on the floor.  It was two.  Maybe she’d clean up a little bit before dinner?  As a thank you?  Letting Maxwell out of the cage and leaving the door cracked, Liz started by gathering the empty beer cans and throwing them away.  Then she folded and put away Shane’s clean laundry and threw the dirty ones in the hamper.  A quick vacuum later, and it was four o’clock and Lizzy was out of things to do.  Exhausted from the emotional part of the day, she decided to take a nap.  Toby immediately climbed under the comforter that she had snuggled under, and Lucy settled right next to her.  Lucas took his typical place behind her, and she was pretty much surrounded by dog.  The cat slept on her head.  The dogs would wake her up at dinner time anyway.

************

“You _what_?!”  Shane stared at his aunt open mouthed.  “It’s fine if she stays with us, but in _my_ room?!”

“You know Jas wouldn’t sleep at all if she stayed with her or in your room,” the woman replied as she swept her curly locks off of her shoulders.  “Besides, I made sure to set up the mattress so you could get to your bed with plenty of room.”

“That’s not the problem, Marnie,” he replied.  “Don’t you think it’s a little… _inappropriate_ for two grown ass people to sleep together in the same room?”

“So you like her, then,” his aunt beamed.  “I was hoping you would!”  She stared at her nephew and sighed.  “Look, it’s only for a week.  Did you know she’s been living without plumbing since she came here?  She hasn’t had a hot shower in forever, and I don’t want to think about the water she’s been drinking.  She already feels like she’s bothering us; she would have told us about this sooner if she hadn’t.  So, just put up with it for a bit.  Please?”

He nodded.  He knew that he wasn’t everyone’s favorite bachelor in town, but even he would ask around if he didn’t have plumbing.  No wonder the brunette always seemed so exhausted.  She probably had to haul water from wherever just for drinking, let alone anything else.  “Fine, but I’m not going to… You know!”  His face turned bright red as he shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, storming into the saloon, Marnie’s laughter following him.

He came home late as usual, though he drank much more.  It probably had something to do with the fact that there was a living, breathing woman sleeping in his bedroom.  A hot one at that.  He stumbled up to the door, key missing the lock several times before he got it in, turning it, locking the door, and stumbling again to his room.  He was greeted with several sharp barks, and he jumped.  Oh, right.  The dogs.  He wobbly bent and let them sniff him, and they settled down pretty much immediately.  Lucas even went as far as to jump on his bed and curl up right in the center, and he groaned.

“Shane, is that you?”  Lizzy mumbled, hand clutched to her heart.  She was sitting up on the mattress; obviously, the dogs had startled her when he came in.

“Yeah, sorry,” he slurred as he fell into bed, snuggling under the covers and petting Luca.  He heard the younger woman shift a few times before settling back down, Toby huffing as he curled up between her legs under the covers.  Between her legs must be a nice place to be…

“Shane?”

“Mmh,” he grunted.

“Thanks for letting me stay in your room.  I’m sorry for… bothering you so much.”

“’s fine,” he grumbled back.

“Goodnight, Shane.”

He grunted again in response and turned on his side, asleep in a matter of seconds, sleeping better than he had for a long while.

************

He groaned and covered his head with his pillow as an alarm went off, fully intending to go back to sleep after it stopped, but the soft “sorry” that followed woke him.  His eyes slowly opened, and he groaned.  Damn, his head hurt.  He hadn’t gotten smashed like that for a long while.  His eyes felt crusty, and his entire body ached.  What exactly had caused him to drink again?

“Here’s some water,” came the soft voice again as his vision cleared and he found Lizzy standing next to the bed.  She gently helped him sit up and handed the glass to him, as well as some pain killers.  “Those will help the headache, I hope?”  Doubt tinged her voice as he grunted and swallowed the pills in a mouthful of water, draining the glass before she took it and set it on his bedside table, a full glass waiting an arm’s reach away.  He settled back into bed and closed his eyes as the cat meowed and Lizzy shushed him.

The rustle of fabric caused him to open his eyes, only to have them settle on her bare back.  _What the hell?_   He blinked and watched as a flash of side boob appeared before she put on a sports bra, followed by a shirt.  _She must think I went back to sleep._   An ache started to form between his legs as she slowly stripped off her yoga pants, and he closed his eyes, still peaking from under his long lashes.  He shifted to his side, causing her to glance in his direction, cheeks burning.  He shut his eyes more firmly after that and kept them shut until the door opened and then clicked shut quietly.  _This is so wrong_. He thought idly as his hand made its way between his legs, grasping his already hard member and beginning that quick pump up and down.  But what else was he supposed to do when he woke up to see her changing in front of him?  Honestly, only seeing bits and pieces was more of a turn on that most porn.  His breathing quickened as he speeded up his motions, face red and sweating as he reached into the drawer, pulling out a sock.  He secured it around himself just in time as he came, hot liquid spilling into the fabric as he heaved a sigh of relief.  He cleaned himself up and chucked the now dirty sock into the laundry.  _What a morning._ He turned and faced the clock, sitting up as he looked at the time.  Four thirty?  What the hell was that woman doing up so early?  He shook his head and settled back into bed, closing his eyes.  He usually didn’t bother getting up until 6 at the earliest; there was no way in _hell_ he’d change that now.  It took a while, but he eventually fell back asleep, images of a half-naked woman following him into his dreams.

************

After feeding the dogs, Liz decided to go and take care of the chickens.  She could do that much, at least considering that her parents had some growing up.  She gently collected the eggs and began using a pitchfork to get rid of the dirty straw, replacing it with the clean version before refilling the hanging water baskets and placing feed in the tray.  By the time she finished, it was am, and she brought the eggs back inside, not sure if Marnie washed them or just left them; the eggs had an antibacterial film on them, so you weren’t supposed to wash them, but it still grossed her out not doing it all the same.

She was surprised to see the older woman bustling about in the kitchen and held out the bucket full of eggs sheepishly.  “I-I wasn’t sure if you washed them, so…”

“Why thank you, dear,” the older woman beamed.  “I’m sure Shane will be glad to know that he doesn’t have to take care of the chickens this morning.  You’ve helped him out quite a bit.”

“My parents used to have chickens, so I knew what to do,” the brunette admitted as she washed her hands up to the elbow.  “The cows, I don’t know how to take care of, though.”

“I could show you, if you want.  Every farm needs a few dairy cows.”

“Alright, I’d like that.”

After breakfast, Marnie showed her how to milk the cows, give them shots, feed them, and all sorts of other things.  Lizzy was relieved that Marnie didn’t believe in killing them once they were too old to produce milk; she let them hang around until they died naturally and then gave the corpses to Gus to do with as he wanted.  She had enough that if one died a year, Gus would be set for meat in his restaurant.  After their chores, the two parted ways, and Lizzy headed up to her farm, relieved that Shane was gone by the time they had reentered the house.

She whistled for the dogs and kept Maxwell in her sight as she walked up the road into her own property.  Robin was already working away and seemed to busy to bother, so Liz just began watering and weeding her crops, not finishing until the late afternoon.

“The upgrades are coming along nicely,” Robin commented from behind as the brunette was on her knees, weeding her latest batch of Blue Jaz.  “I am going to go ahead and add a kitchen too.”  She put a hand up as Liz opened her mouth to speak.  “You paid me more than enough to buy the appliances too.  Also, you’ve given me so much wood that I felt like I needed to repay you somehow.”  The redhead smiled brightly.  “A week should do it. I just need to reconnect the water lines and have an electrician come out to do the electricity.”

Instead of arguing, she just nodded.  “Thank you.”  Robin reached out and patted her head in an affectionate way before whistling and getting back to work, the frame of the new additions already set up.  How the woman worked so quickly, Lizzy felt she’d never find out.  But, her enthusiasm was obvious.  Robin really loved her job.

Shaking her head, Lizzy went back to work, deciding that it was too late to plant any more seeds and too early to start the summer ones.  Still, Pierre may be selling the seeds early, and she could put some in pots and have them sprouted by the time it came to plant.

As she walked up to the store, she checked the bulletin board, surprised to see that it was Shane’s birthday.  Quickly checking her funds, she walked into Pierre’s, buying the seeds as well as some ingredients.  She wasn’t rich enough to be able to buy him a dinner, but she could always make him one.  She just hoped he’d be home at a decent hour.

Back at Marnie’s, Jas had the day off from school and seemed very interested in learning how to make a cake.  “I like eating them,” she usually shy girl admitted, “so I should know how to make them, right?”

Liz agreed with a soft laugh and dragged up a chair to the counter, letting the girl measure and mix the ingredients before putting it into the oven.  “The last thing we need to do is make the frosting and frost it after it cools,” she said, the purple-haired girl hanging on to her every word.  After a few hours, they were coated with powdered sugar and flour, but the kitchen was clean and the cake was done.  “Why don’t you go ahead and take a shower,” the brunette suggested.  “Then in an hour or two, we can make dinner together.  Would you like that?”  The little girl beamed and nodded, rushing off towards her room.  Her heart ached.  She had always wanted a child; she just couldn’t have one physically herself.  Her antidepressants would kill any unborn baby, and her depression would make her kill herself during the pregnancy.  She and Alan had planned on adopting, but…

She let out a soft sigh and headed to Shane’s bathroom.  Marnie had showed her where it was that morning, and she had felt like an idiot for not noticing the door before.  She was lucky that Shane had been asleep while she had been changing, or that would have made for another awkward situation where she flashed him.  Unintentionally of course.  She put her clothes into a bag; they were disgusting, even if she had made sure she was clean before baking.  She turned on the shower and stepped into the hot water, sighing gratefully.  It had been a long time since she had a hot shower, and even longer since she had felt truly clean.  She scrubbed her skin until it was raw, and then grabbed a bottle of Shane’s shampoo, hesitating before using it.  She had forgot her own, and she doubted that he would care.  Once she was clean, she dried off and wrapped her body in a towel, stepping into the room and meeting the gaze of the owner of the room.

“Sh-Shane… You’re home early.”  She tightened the towel around her body and reached into her suitcase, grabbing random clothing and holding it against herself.

“Yeah.  Jas called and asked me to come home early.”  He sat on her mattress facing towards his gaming console, controller in hand.

“Ah.  Dinner will be ready in an hour,” she said awkwardly before closing the bathroom door, changing quickly, and cleaning up her mess.  “I used your shampoo; I hope you don’t mind,” she managed, not looking at him as she straightened her things.  Why was she always so awkward around him?  He had seen her in so many bad situations, and yet he didn’t seem to even care.  So why did she?  She glanced towards his crotch and blushed before turning away and rushing out of the room, unable to help the heat that pooled between her own legs at the sight.  Maybe he wasn’t as unaffected as she thought.

Jas stood in the kitchen waiting expectantly, and Lizzy turned her thoughts to the girl instead.  “Are you ready to make pizza?”  She asked the girl with a smile, feeling relieved as she nodded.  “I made the dough earlier, so let’s make a good pizza that your Uncle Shane and Aunt Marnie will like.  She nodded excitedly, and Lizzy gently arranged the purple locks into a braid, pinning it out of the way.

************

An hour later, Lizzy walked back into his room, announcing that dinner was ready.  He walked into the kitchen, his aunt and goddaughter sitting at the table, exclaiming “Happy Birthday!”  As Lizzy brought a gigantic pizza to the table.  It was covered with peperoni in a heart shape that Jas happily took credit for and hot peppers on half of it.  Marnie quickly served it as the three started talking, sharing the baking adventures that Jas and Lizzy had gone through while making the pizza.  And then the cake.  After dinner, Liz carried it over, softly to sing as the other joined her, and his eyes welled up.  He couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Jas and Marnie so… _happy_.  And the brunette had managed to do that in such a short time.  He was so grateful.  So, as he closed his eyes and blew out the candles, he hoped that they would stay this happy always.

He climbed into bed not drunk off his ass for the first time in a long, long time.  He sat up and stared at the woman who was in her pajamas and settling to sleep on his floor.  Her two dogs surrounded her while the third hopped up on the bed with him.  Strangely enough, the cat followed and settled on his pillow.  Shane was loath to move him.  He hadn’t been showered in gifts like he had hoped when he was a child but seeing everyone so happy was better than any present he could have gotten.

“Hey, Liz?”  He asked gruffly, not really used to showing affection and not really sure how.

“Yeah?  What’s wrong, Shane?”  She sat back up and looked at him worriedly.  “Are the animals bothering you?  I can take them if they are.”

“No, it’s just…”  He let out a deep breath.  “Thank you.  For today.  You really made my birthday something special.”

“Everyone should have a good birthday,” she replied as she stretched her arms above her head.  “Especially you.”

“Yeah, well… thank you.  Goodnight, Lizzy.”

“Goodnight, Shane.”


	7. Chapter 7: The Flower Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is NSFW!

“He’s so… different,” she whispered softly to the older woman who was crouched next to her, staring through the slightly ajar door.  Shane was in the room, wearing a pink tutu and a rare smile on his face as he played dolls with Jas.

“Isn’t he?”  Marnie whispered as the two tiptoed back towards the kitchen.  “I told you he was a bit softie.”

“You weren’t kidding.”  Lizzy’s lips turned upwards slightly in a small grin.

Marnie hummed in response as the man in question walked into the room, eyebrows quirking as the two shared a laugh and turned away, the brunette’s cheeks heating.

As the family settled down for dinner, Liz still couldn’t help but feel out of place.  Now that she was used to her presence, Jas talked animatedly about her lessons with Penny and Marnie talked about the week’s events with her.  The only person whose reaction hadn’t changed was Shane’s, though now she knew him well enough to see the affection in his eyes as he looked at his god daughter especially.

She wasn’t sure, though.  When they were alone, he didn’t look at her, almost like she was the last thing he wanted to look at.  She wasn’t sure if it she had upset him, or if had something to do with the obvious… _attraction_ between the two of them.  Sleeping in his room had been incredibly awkward, and they both had been avoiding each other.  Shane had been stumbling home late from the bar, and Liz often pretended to sleep through his entrance.  She just wasn’t sure what to do with him, or herself.  She definitely was attracted to the man; he was real.  He wasn’t some buffed up body builder.  But, it was mostly him as a person.  He was tough and cold on the surface, but how he treated animals and Jas made her see him in a new light.  He wasn’t perfect, but he was… handsome.  Sexy even.  She supposed what those guys in college said was true; having a kid did make you sexier.

“Isn’t that right, Ms. Lizzy?”  The dark purple haired girl looked up at her expectantly, and the brunette cringed.

“I’m sorry sweetie; I wasn’t paying attention.  What did you say?”

The small girl huffed softly.  “I said that you and Uncle Shane should go to the dance together!  You guys are friends now, otherwise you wouldn’t be having sleepovers every night, and friends always go together to the dance.”

“W-Well,” the brunette turned bright red as she shot a glare at the chuckling Marnie before glancing uncertainly at Shane.  “I-I don’t know how to dance.  And what if your Uncle Shane has somebody else he’s going with already?”

“He can teach you before,” she protested, “and he always goes with Ms. Emily, but they’ve never had a sleepover before.  You’re more friends with him than her.”

She honestly wished she would disappear through the floorboards.  She swallowed and stared down at her hands, mind racing to find some excuse to keep from going to that stupid dance.  Marnie had been trying all week to convince her to go, despite Liz’s own protests.  She hadn’t been to a dance since high school; there wasn’t much to miss.  In college, she’d never really been the party type either, so the whole idea just made her uncomfortable.

“Alright.”  The deep voice that spoke up surprised her, and golden brown eyes met darker ones.  “I’ll let Emily know that Lizzy will be going with me this year,” it continued before those eyes flickered over to gaze at the girl.

As Jas cheered, Lizzy swallowed.  Well, shit.  She couldn’t skip now.  Not when she had a date.

********************

_“I love you, honey, but we can’t keep doing this,” she begged softly, her hand on the shoulder of a man who was curled into himself, crying.  “I need to be able to talk, to vent about my feelings without you crying about it; I need you to listen!”  She was crying herself now, though out of frustration._

_“Then talk!  Let it out!”  The man shouted.  Dogs whined as they retreated from the room._

_“You know that’s not how I work!”  She shouted back angrily.  “Once I see you upset, I shut down!  I can’t do anything about it now!”_

_The man began to hit himself, hard, hands balled into fists, and she grasped them, unfurling the fingers one by one before holding his hands and pressing her lips to his forehead.  “Don’t you hit yourself,” her voice wavered.  “Not unless you want me to start hurting myself as much as you hurt yourself.  I love you.  But you need to get help.  You need to start going to therapy like you said you would.  You can’t keep doing this to me.  Please, Alan.  Please.”_

“Lizzy!”  A rough hand shook her away and she bolted upwards, Toby immediately wanting attention as Lucy licked her face.  She sniffled and buried her face in her hands as another sob wracked her body.

“Shane… I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry…”  More sobs wracked through her as she repeated the words, almost like a broken record over and over.  The hand left her shoulder, and the man ran a hand through his hair, unsure, before pulling her into his arms and gently rubbing her back.  He didn’t say anything; he just rocked her back and forth until her tears ran dry.  She clung tightly to his shirt, her face pressed up against his chest, as she slowly began to fall asleep, exhausted by the sudden outburst of emotion.  He seemed loath to move her once she was and instead settled next to her, dogs on either side.

She awoke hours later much warmer than usual.  And that was saying something, considering she was used to sleeping with three dogs and a cat that liked to sleep on her chest most nights.  There was also something hard poking against her leg and she moved against it, confused as it twitched slightly.  That was odd.  Toby’s legs were much thinner, and he was the biggest of her pets by a good twenty pounds.  And what was under her head?  She opened her eyes slowly, blinking and moving back slightly before she forgot to breathe.

Shane.  He was in bed.  With her.  With _her_.  She scooted backwards and he stirred, eyes still closed shut, and she froze.  How did this happen?  All she remembered was the usual dogs waking her up when he got back unless… the nightmares.  She hadn’t had any since her stay at Marnie’s place; she had one last night, though.  The familiar feeling of sand in her eyes and how incredibly dry her throat was told her so.  He must have heard her crying and...

Her gaze softened, and her hand went gently to his cheek, almost caressing it as she lifted it up and moved strands of hair out of his face.  He liked to act like a hard ass, but he really was a softie.  He cared more than he probably wanted to admit.  The realization, however, brought her attention back to the… thing… pressed against her leg.  God he was thick.  And long.  She moved her leg slightly and squeezed her eyes shut at the heat in her stomach.  This was incredibly wrong.  He was _asleep_ for heaven’s sake!  Touching him like this was the same as molesting him… or worse.  She took a deep breath and slowly moved her leg away, opening her eyes to meet his now open ones, and her stomach dropped.

“Sh-Shane!”  Her face had to be redder than a solo cup.  Yoba this was the worst, most awkward thing… She honestly wanted to hide under the blanket and never come out.  “G-Good morning?”  There was no fucking way he wasn’t going to hate her after this.

He grunted in response, shutting his eyes for a moment before opening them again.  Seeming to realize the… situation, he sat up suddenly, his face turning as red as hers.  His large problem tented the sheets, and she couldn’t help but look at it, hiding her face in her hands when she realized he was watching her.

“I-I’m s-so sorry about last night… I didn’t mean to wake you up I swear—”

“It’s fine,” he interrupted shortly, flopping back onto the mattress, not even bothering to hide his erection.  He looked exhausted.  Well, exhausted and hung over.  Did it hurt when it was like that?  Alan had always said it didn’t; it was just uncomfortable, but she wasn’t sure.  It looked painful from here.  She continued to stare at the tent that pushed up the sheets.  Her eyes glanced towards his, and the look on his face told her that he knew exactly what she was looking at.

An unbearable silence fell between them before Lizzy swallowed.  “Do you…” her voice caught in her throat before she shook her head, trying to clear it.  “Do you need help… with that?”  She looked towards the door, staring at the knob to avoid looking into his eyes.  Why did she say that?  Why the hell would she say that?  She wasn’t some sexual expert; she’d only been with two people for heaven’s sake!  Shane was probably experienced and knew how to deal with one night stands, and she just didn’t.  She trembled as she sat there, ready to throw off the sheets and scramble away.  She started to pick it up when he surprised her.

“Yeah, why not.”  She turned back towards him; he was laying on his side, propped up on his elbow under the sheets.  What the hell did she do now?  There was no way she had expected to get this far; it had to be some sort of mistake.  She stared at him for a moment before slowly reaching towards him, sure he would tell her to stop, tell her that he was joking any second.  When she gently touched him through the fabric, he groaned, and she jumped slightly in surprise.  More encouraged now, she pulled down his pants and boxers in one swift motion, peeling back the blankets as her hand wrapped around the base of him.

“You’re huge,” she whispered as she tightened her grip and began to move her hand upwards and downwards, starting slowly before quickening.  It took both hands to wrap completely around him, and she didn’t have girly ones either.  They were you-have-to-buy-men’s-gloves-if-you-want-them-to-fit hands.  He groaned again, more loudly this time, and his eyes shut as she took a hand off of him and gently began to pull up on his shirt.  His eyes shot open as she began to tug it over his head, and he helped her shrug it off and throw it onto the floor.  Was he nervous?  He almost looked it as she ran her free hand up and down his torso, playing with the hair on his chest before moving up towards his face.  She hesitated before touching it, rubbing against the shadow of a beard.  Her eyes looked up at his, and she licked her lips, unsure of how far to go, or how much he wanted.  “Help” didn’t necessarily imply anything for her.  And it certainly didn’t imply sex.  She didn’t want to push it with the man; it had been hard enough to get him to talk to her.  What was she supposed to do now?

She was going to drive him crazy, he decided, if she kept that up.  She seemed to know exactly the right pace to keep him aching but not building towards a finish.  He doubted it was intentional as her other hand brushed along his neck, making him shudder.  She looked far too nervous to be doing it on purpose.

“You’re so…” he braced for it.  Fat.  Out of shape.  Hairy.  So… something not good, that’s what.  He was nothing compared to his gridball years, and he knew it.  There was no way a woman like _that_ could like him clothes off.  Why she had even asked in the first place was beyond him; who would want his fat ass.  “…amazing.”  He wasn’t expecting that.  His gaze shot back from her curves to her eyes, and he was surprised to see legitimate desire in her eyes.  So she did want him.  For how he was.  It seemed impossible, but he wasn’t going to lose the chance.  He hadn’t gotten laid since… Well, since he before moved here.

He rolled on top of her suddenly, causing her to squeak as his lips met hers.  It wasn’t a romantic kiss or one full of feeling.  It was a desperate one, and she instinctually caught on to that and returned it in kind, tongue lashing out against the outside of his lips, begging for entrance.  When he did open her mouth, she darted in, exploring his mouth as her hands off their exploration to pull him down against her, hips lifting to grind against his own.  She was wearing too much clothing, he decided, breaking the kiss to yank off her shirt followed by her pants and her panties.  He stood to shed his own bottoms and looked down upon her hungrily.  She was gorgeous.  Her legs were pressed together, trying to hide the v of her legs and the short hair that covered her most interesting part as she looked away from him nervously.  Her breasts were just right.  Big enough to fill his hands but not big enough to smother him.  And her curves.  He knelt and ran a hand along her side, and she moaned.  She was still too thin for his tastes, but she was still gorgeous.  He ran his hand upwards and felt along her ribs, frowning as he was able to count every one.  She wasn’t eating much.  That was obvious.  He was distracted by her hand closing in around his dick again while the other one pulled him back down.  She jerked it along his length as quickly as she could while she pressed him against her, kissing him like he was her lifeline.  He groaned and pinned her arms above her head, noting how her breath hitched excitedly, with one arm as the other went towards her core, fingers abruptly delving into it.  Yoba she was so fucking wet.  He pumped in one finger, then another in and out of her over and over as he rubbed his erection against her leg, her stomach, anywhere he could.  His face moved to suck and lick at her breasts, his own excitement growing at every sound of pleasure that she made.  He couldn’t remember the last time someone had been so excited for him.  He settled between her legs, and she practically begged him with her body to enter her.  He rubbed his dick along her entrance, and she growled impatiently.  As wet as she was, a little more teasing wouldn’t hurt.  He knew he was a little… thicker than the normal guy; he didn’t want to hurt her.

“Shane… please,” she begged softly, pushing against his hand to try to free her own.  “Please Shane… Yoba please…”

He wanted to plunge right into her and fuck her hard, but with Marnie and Jas in the house, it wasn’t such a good idea.  She was so vocal, there was no way they wouldn’t hear her if he did.  “Suck it,” he ordered softly, releasing her as he moved up her body so he sat on her stomach, dick within reach.  She tilted her head up and took him into her mouth, sucking as hard and bobbing her head as much as she could.  Her mouth was so warm an inviting, he almost lost it in it, but that wasn’t what he wanted.  No, he wanted to be in her; it was something he would probably never be able to do again, so he moved back down and positioned himself between her legs.  “Tell me if it hurts,” he managed before he pressed against her opening and began to slide in.  She was achingly hot.  And she was so tight.  Tight enough to make him wonder if she was a virgin, though how she bucked her hips against his, forcing him in more quickly betrayed the thoughts moments later.  Damn it, if she wanted it hard, he’d give it to her.  He rammed the rest of the way into her, lips sealing over hers as she cried out, stifling the noise.  His hips rose and hammered back in.  Over and over he plowed into her, and she screamed in pleasure, nails digging into the skin of his back as her legs wrapped around his waist, encouraging him to go deeper.  He angled his hips, trying different spots until she shuddered uncontrollably.

“Oh Yoba Shane, there, please!  There!  Faster!  Harder!  Please Shane… Oh Yoba…”

He obeyed, going as quickly and as deeply as he could until he began to feel her tremble.

“Shane, I’m gunna… Shane I—”

His lips sealed back over hers, swallowing her screams as she came, cunt squeezing against him as he stifled a shout of his own as he was suddenly undone, pulling out to come on her stomach before he collapsed next to her, breathing hard.

She used his boxers to clean the mess before flopping down next to him, shyly snuggling into his chest before groaning as her alarm went off a second later.  She stood on shaky legs, dressing quickly as he watched her in the dim lighting, dogs laying by the door.

“Shane,” she began, and his stomach clenched.  Did she think it was a mistake?  Was he not good enough?  Did he not actually make her come?  She seemed to enjoy it, and he definitely did.  But that didn’t mean he hadn’t fucked up somehow.  “Thank you.”  The last part was whispered as she slid out the door and gently clicked it behind her.

Yoba, she was perfect.

************

She wasn’t subtle, though.  That was certain.  He inwardly cringed as she glanced towards him, turning bright red, and looking away as their eyes made contact.  Marnie kept on glancing back and forth at them, a worried look on her face.  Good.  At least she hadn’t figured out what really happened between them.  Lizzy had been making herself busy, spending her free time learning how to dance, Jas being an excited teacher.  He continued to drink at the saloon, staying later to give her the space she clearly wanted, and she was already asleep by the time he got home.  There was only a day left in her stay; she was going home after the dance, and he honestly couldn’t wait until she left so the awkwardness could go away.  He shook his head and stood abruptly.

“I need to get to work,” he said shortly as he turned to leave, ruffling Jas’s hair as he stalked out the door.  Tomorrow was the dance, and tomorrow, she’d be gone.

Lizzy watched as he left, disappointment crossing her features before she straightened them.  She knew it; she had been acting much too awkwardly.  She sighed softly before standing, wincing as she did.  It had been a few days, but she still ached.  Next time, she needed to be stretched more.  If there was a next time.  Why couldn’t she make up her mind?  “I should go as well,” she said softly.  “I still haven’t prepared for summer crops yet.”  She smiled at a still concerned Marnie as she walked out of the ranch and headed towards the farm.  It was a mistake.  The sex, the feelings, the butterflies that she still felt.  It all was a mistake.  And, she needed, no, she had to apologize.  They were obviously after two different things, though she wasn’t really sure what she wanted anymore.  She just knew that she didn’t want just sex.  She needed, craved, something more.  She just didn’t think she deserved it.

She greeted Robin softly before she began her work.  A good chunk of her land was clear; she only had a little bit to go before it was finally weed and log free.  She left a few of the trees standing, deciding to keep them for firewood for the winter.  She wasn’t sure how cold it would be, having come from the city south of the valley.  She shook her head as the dogs ran around the property, digging in random spots and barking.  At least they knew better than to dig up around her crops.

She had bought seeds from Pierre a few weeks before and had planted them in pots, placing them inside the house.  Robin had assured her she would water them, so by now they would be sprouted, meaning that soon enough she could plant them in the ground.  She sighed at the memory, though, when she remembered exactly ow many red pepper seeds she had bought.  She had intended on giving them to Shane to try and befriend him, but she wasn’t so sure it was a good idea now.  He probably hated her after all.

She tried her best to ignore the queasy feeling in her stomach as she continued her work.  With the dance the next day, she’d have to face him again sooner than later.  They needed to talk.  She didn’t want to, but they needed to.  She asked Robin to fetch her things, the woman insistent that she not set foot inside the house until the grand reveal the next day.  She thanked the beaming woman, feeling sheepish as she took the items and headed back towards the ranch.  She carefully hung her dress, an excited Jas barging in to look at it, declaring it nice enough before making the brunette promise to help her with her hair and make-up, though the nine year old didn’t need any in her opinion.  Once she was left alone, she showered quickly, before French braiding her hair into twin pigtails.  She hated straightening it, and the waves would look nice with the decorative bobby pins she planned to use.  She walked out of the bathroom, fully changed into her pajamas, to find Shane in the room.  “Are you ready for the dance tomorrow?”  She asked as she settled onto the bed, pulling up the covers.  “You’re home early tonight.”

“Marnie wanted me home so I would be able to help Jas get ready in the morning,” he said, turning back to the dresser before shrugging off his jacket, followed by his shirt.  His voice wasn’t friendly, but the tone wasn’t nearly as bad as when they first met either.  It was amazing what a one night stand could do to one’s comfort levels, Lizzy decided as he unzipped and dropped his shorts, plaid boxers clinging to his hips before he stepped into bed, making room for Lucas automatically before turning off the light.

“Shane?”  Liz asked after a moment of hesitation.  He didn’t seem to be in a great mood; not drinking was taking its toll.

“What?”  His tone was sharp.

“Thanks again for letting me stay with you.  I’ve had a good time.”

He grunted in response, turning over.  She sighed softly.  She did upset him.  She had to have.  “I meant it,” she protested softly.  “Goodnight, Shane.”

************

The next morning was a whirlwind for Shane.  All he knew was that he was woken up early by Jas and pushed into the shower while she picked out his clothing.  When he came out in a towel, she pushed the closed into his arms and forced him out of the bathroom, dragging Lizzy inside.  He overheard talk of eyeshadow and lip gloss as he changed, and he rushed out of the room as quickly as he could, heading straight to the barn to take care of the chickens.

His favorite in particular rushed straight up to him, and he draped a towel on his lap before allowing for the chicken to climb onto his lap.  He stroked her affectionately, head leaned against the wall.  “What am I supposed to do, Charlie?”  He asked the Isa Brown.  “Jas adores her but… she hates me.  I know she does.”  He groaned and thumped his head against the wall a few times before closing his eyes.

A gentle hand shaking his shoulder woke him and Charlie, who protested at being lifted by that same hand and put into a nesting box.  He blinked a few times, but he couldn’t help staring.  The light pink dress had all sorts of designs on it and it fit her loosely.  The elastic around the middle, however, showed her curves and the tops of her breasts were visible through the lacy top.  Her dark brown hair hung in gentle waves and her eyes.  Her eyes looked more golden than brown now, the light make up drawing his attention to him as she tentatively held out her hand towards him.  He grasped it, his eyes feasting on the sight of her.  “Beautiful.”  He hadn’t realized he’d said it aloud, but it was true.

“Jas wanted to make sure I looked good enough for you,” she teased, her cheeks naturally turning light pink as she helped him stand.  “Are you ready?”  He nodded as his goddaughter burst through the door.  She was practically glowing with joy.  Her normally curly hair was straightened down her back, and she had slight amounts of make up on as well, though not a large amount.  Lizzy simply put on enough that the girl felt pretty, and he was for that.  Jas didn’t need to develop some sort of complex or something.

“Uncle Shane, let’s go!”  The girl tugged on his arm, leading him through the kitchen and out the door.  “We’re going to be late.”

“Alright, I’m coming,” he said, though he didn’t relinquish her hand.

The walk through the forest was short, and the dance area was as tackily decorated as every year.  At least Pam snuck in some booze to add to the punch.  That way he could have something to drink to ease the headache he could feel coming on.  He hated these events.  Liz did to, he figured, judging by how closely she stayed to him as Marnie and Jas ran off to socialize.  He chose to ignore her, grabbing a cup of punch and chugging it down before serving himself another.  The familiar feeling of the booze kicked in, calming him as he scanned the food, picking and choosing some of the dishes Gus always made for these damn things and putting them on his plate, Liz still trailing close behind.  He did notice, though, that she took a sip of the punch and spit it out before dumping the stuff on the ground.  Huh.  Maybe tequila wasn’t her thing.

Soon enough, the brunette was surrounded by people, even though it was obvious that that was the last thing she wanted.  Robin came up to her and started chatting about her house, Lewis asked how things were going on the farm.  Sam and Sebastian even started making conversation with her, and Shane couldn’t help the twinge of jealousy.  _She’s not yours._  He reminded himself firmly.  _It was just a one night stand; nothing serious._

Soon enough, it was time for the dance to start, and he suddenly found himself nervous.  He took a deep breath as she approached him.

“You don’t have to dance with me if you don’t want to,” she said, obviously thinking his hesitation was regret.  “I won’t be offended, promise.”

“Let’s just get this thing over with,” he sighed, taking her hand as he wandered to the middle of the field, Jas squealing in delight at the sight.  He gently placed his hand on her hip and took this other in his as the music started.

He was absolute shit at dancing, but she wasn’t half bad.  Jas had apparently taken her role as teacher seriously, because Lizzy seemed to know what to do for the most part.  He found himself almost enjoying it as they twirled around.  The dance ended all too soon, and he found himself a little reluctant to let him go.  If the brunette noticed that his hand stayed on her hip a little too long, she didn’t say anything.  And once he let go, she was off, saying that she needed to grab her things so she could settle in for the night.  He watched her go, hips swaying before Jas grabbed his hands and pulled him into a dance of their own.

************

It wasn’t until 6 that she actually managed to leave Marnie’s Ranch.  She had felt bad for not being able to pay for her stay, so she had cleaned.  Everything.  She had deep cleaned Shane’s room, put the mattress back, cleaned Jas’s room and put a vase of flowers on her dresser, cleaned the kitchen, cleaned the coop and barn… Needless to say, the woman was exhausted by the time she pulled her suitcase onto the porch, dropping it into the living room.

The house was much bigger.  There was a kitchen in her living room now.  She had a separate room with an actual door for her bedroom, and the bathroom was attached.  She turned on the water, thanking her lucky stars when steaming liquid came pouring out.  There was no way her 10,000 gold had paid for all of this.  Robin probably wouldn’t take any extra payments at this point, though, so she needed to think about repaying the woman in some other way.  Continuing to give her the extra wood she gathered seemed like a good plan, but that would have to wait until she was less… exhausted.  After she showered, she fell into bed, reaching around for her phone before groaning.  Great.  She’d left it in Shane’s room.  It was probably dead by now, and she had an old alarm clock.  She’d pick it up in the morning once Marnie opened the shop.  She hoped it really was dead, or she was going to have a very pissed off Shane on her hands.  She rubbed her face with her hands before turning on her side, Toby tucked against her, Lucy behind her, Lucas on the foot of the bed, and Maxwell on her head.  Finally.  Home sweet home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first sex scene, so I am so sorry for how horrible it is... >.>


	8. You Idiot

Liz was unable to sleep in the next day, too used to waking up early from being at Marnie’s to hit snooze.  The dogs chose to stay in bed, moving to her warm spot as she dressed.  The woman smiled affectionately at them, patting them each on the head before moving through the house and heading outside.  The size of the house was disorienting, but she’d get used to it in time.  She was incredibly grateful that hot showers were in her future.  She had noticed that Robin had gotten rid of her wooden bathtub, as if to say “You won’t be needing this anymore”.

She began by hauling her sprouted seedlings outside.  It was close enough to summer time to plant them, and they were doing quite well.  The plants were all rootbound in their pots which surprised her given the fact that she had only planted them a few weeks prior.  From what she had read, it could take up to a month for her plants to e to that point.  She tended to her current crops, dropping the produce off in the bin and began to mentally map out where she wanted her next bunch; any berry bushes she planted would be able to stay year after year, though it was highly likely she wouldn’t get much from them this year.  Planning for the future was a good idea, though, and she decided to plant them along the cliffsides at the edge of her property.  There, they wouldn’t be in the way of any future crops, and they would be close enough for her to tend to them throughout the year.  Her summer crops could go next to the old greenhouse.  As long as she put up a small barrier around the crops, the animals wouldn’t trounce through them.  She began to work, placing torches in strategic places so that she’d be able to see; it was four thirty in the morning, after all.  The sun wasn’t due to rise for a bit.

A few hours later, the ground was hoed and her arms and back ached.  Yoba, would she ever get used to that?  She needed to get her crops into the ground and watered, but she needed a break first.  She hobbled into the house and fed the animals, grabbing her shower things from on top of the dresser and heading into her bathroom for the first time.  It was beautiful.  Not that the décor was expensive or that the bathtub and sink were new, but that didn’t matter to her.  She was just excited to have hot, running water and an actual toilet.  And everything was so white.  She definitely needed to clean; Robin’s job had been to build, not to clean after all, but that could wait.  She would have to remember to thank the woman later.  She had a feeling that Robin had wanted to take her in and show her around.  Leaving the dance as early as she did must have ruined her plans.

After showering, Lizzy put her wet hair into a messy bun and checked the time.  It was only eight, but she figured she could go foraging on her way.  Or maybe Marnie would be alright with her heading in a bit early.  She whistled to the dogs to stay put as she headed off, walking along the now well-worn path down to the southern part of the land and towards the ranch.  As she neared it, though, Marnie rushed, heading towards town.

“Marnie, what’s wrong?”  Dread immediately set in as the brunette sprinted towards the woman.

“It’s Shane.”

That was all she needed to hear before sprinting into the house, barging into the male’s room to find him laying on the ground in his own vomit, beer cans surrounding his body.

“Shane?”  His aunt whispered as she followed her in.  “Oh dear…”  She shook his shoulder to no avail.  “Lizzy, can you do something?  He’s out cold.”

Panic settled in.  She had absolutely no experience with drunk people at all.  Did he have alcohol poisoning?  Was he just asleep?  If he was asleep, there was one thing for sure that would wake him up.  She trotted to the kitchen, turning the tap on cold and filling a glass with water before returning and standing over Shane.  She whispered a quiet apology before unceremoniously dumping it on his head.

He immediately sat up.  “Whaaa?!”  His eyes opened wide as he glanced around before they settled on Lizzy and he glared at her.  He opened his mouth to speak, but Marnie cut in.

“Shane!  What’s the matter with you?  All you do anymore is mope around your room and drink beer!”

He turned away.  “You wouldn’t understand…” he said softly.

“I’m worried,” she continued.  “What’s your plan?  Don’t you ever think about the future?”

“Plan?”  he scoffed.  “Hopefully I won’t be around long enough to need a ‘plan’…”

A sharp intake of breath followed a short sob drew everyone’s attention to the door, where a flash of purple could be seen and the slam of the front door followed.  Marnie immediately raced after her, a sad look on her own face.

“Jas…” Shane whispered softly as he stared mindlessly out off the room.  “I’m sorry…” He fell to his knees and covered his ears as a few tears ran down his face.  His body shook as the brunette stared wordlessly at him.  Her phone.  Right.  She looked around for a moment and found it halfway under his bed.  She slid it into her pocket.

“You fucking idiot.”  Every word was clear and eerily calm.  He stiffened, hands sliding back from his ears and his gaze turned towards her.  “How dare you.  How _dare_ you think you’re some worthless piece of trash.  You’re not!  You are _everything_ to that little girl.  You’re all she has!  How can you even think about leaving her?!”  Her voice got louder and louder as she continued to speak, and all he could do was stare at her.  “You are worth so much!  So much more than half of the people on this Yoba damned planet.  You’re worth so much to Jas, to Marnie… and to me.”  Her voice finally began to soften.  I can’t believe that you can’t see that.”

She turned and walked out of the room, not looking back, not even realizing that tears were streaming down her face until she made it back to her farm.  She wiped them dry and began to angrily dig into the ground.  Those god damn plants needed to get into the ground before the end of the day or so help her she was going to…

Luca whined softly and placed his head under her arm, Lucy and Toby staring at her nervously from a safe distance.  She pet him gently a few times before sniffling.  “I’m fine, you guys,” she whispered softly.  “I’m fine.  Go play.”

************

She was never going to talk to him again.  She hadn’t even tried, and it had been two weeks since… since _that._   And he had thought her after sex attitude was bad.  This was even worse.  He had seen her around town after the incident, but it was like she didn’t even see him.  It was like she didn’t even see anyone.  Even Marnie was getting worried; she had mentioned it one or a thousand times at the dinner table, asking him if he knew why she was so… down.  Like hell if he knew.  But, his aunt wanted him to go over and check on her.  Apparently he was her only friend in town; he had almost laughed when Marnie made the comment, but the look on her face sobered him up pretty quickly.  Apparently she was telling the truth; damn.  What happened to the socialite he had seen during the dance?  Couldn’t Sam or Sebastian check up on her?  Apparent-fucking-ly not.  So, here he was, on a good Saturday afternoon, making the sweltering 30 minute walk to her place.  This had to be the hottest summer ever.

Still, he couldn’t help but affectionately pat the dogs as they came out of the shade of the porch to greet him.  There was a kiddie pool filled to the brim that Lucy immediately jumped in after getting a proper greeting, digging in the water and spraying him with it.  Not that he minded.  It did feel pretty nice.

She wasn’t inside, he discovered after knocking at her door for a good five minutes.  And neither was she by her crops.  There were a lot of plants; he was impressed.  The place had been a dump from what Marnie had tole him, so the fact that she had cleaned the place up so nicely meant she had been busting her ass.  No wonder she had felt so tiny when they…

Ah.  There she was.  She groaned loudly as she pushed against the handle of her shovel, and then a creak, and she fell on her ass, dirt flying everywhere as the stump rose from the ground.  “Finally,” she groaned as she laid on the ground, eyes closed.  “Fucking stumps.”

He walked over towards her slowly, standing above her and watching her chest heave.  She was wearing a thin tank top.  It sure as hell didn’t leave anything up to the imagination.  And the neckline was low enough that he could see the curves of her breasts.  And her bra, but her breasts were what interested him most.

“Shane?”

His eyes darted back to her face.  She was staring at him with confusion written all over her features.  “Why are you here?”

“Marnie wanted me to check on you,” he managed bluntly, his face turning red.  Even when she hated him, she still looked hot as hell.  “You haven’t been acting like yourself.”

“I’m fine.”  Her answer was short, and she looked away from him.  Her face almost looked like she wanted to cry for a second before she schooled them back into an emotionless mask.  “Go tell Marnie that everything’s fine.  You can leave now.”

He stiffened.  “Look, you don’t have to be such a bitch about it.”

She spun around, eyes flashing.  “If you think _this_ is being a bitch, then you have no idea what a real one is.”  She huffed and grabbed her shovel from the ground, heading towards the next stump and jerking it into the ground before jumping on it over and over, driving it deeper into the ground.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”  He asked.  “You’re not a good liar, you know.”

She froze and closed her eyes for a moment before opening them.  “I’m not, but it’s not your problem.”  She spoke more softly now.  She sighed and ground her palm into her face, smearing dirt all over it, but she didn’t seem to care.  “I’ll be fine.  Just go.”

He turned to leave and then stopped.  The week with her had been,,, well, amazing.  She had managed to make Marnie and Jas smile daily, and he himself had just felt more at ease in her presence.  She had never said much, and it was obvious that she felt uncomfortable around him, but he owed it to Jas to make sure she was okay.  His goddaughter had asked about her almost every day since she left; she wanted to know when she would visit again so they could bake or make dinner together.  So, he grabbed her hand and tugged her towards the farmhouse, ignoring her protests.  She was easy to fight off; she was still so light that all he had to do was pick her up and haul her over his shoulder once she stopped walking.  She screamed and kicked, but it was obvious the woman was exhausted.  He carried the brunette into the farmhouse, dogs choosing to stay outside, and not finding a couch, entered her room and hesitated, setting her on the floor.  “Go shower,” he barked.  She crossed her arms and glared.  “You’re filthy.  Go.”  She didn’t need any more prompting and grabbed a change of clothes.  He sat on her bed as he waited, wincing as his world spun.  His hangover was worse than usual; probably because he had tried to drink away his memories of Liz yesterday.  She was out more quickly than he expected, and his heart pounded at the memory of one of the last times she had come out.  In only a towel.  She avoided his gaze as she stiffly sat next to him, hair raining droplets on her shirt.

“What do you want, Shane,” she sighed wearily.

“I want you to tell me the truth.  You’re not okay, are you?”

“Why are you doing this.”  Ah, the old redirection tactic.  He did that so often he knew it like the back of his hand.

“Because Jas is worried about you.  Now, answer my question.”

“No.”  Her answer was soft, and almost black strands of wet hair covered her face as she looked at her lap, shielding her from his gaze.  “I’m not.  Happy now?”

He was silent, staring at her.  His hand reached out, and he tucked her hair behind her ears, not saying a thing.

“It’s been hard.  Since Alan died.”  Alan?  As in the guy from her nightmares?  His hand dropped to his lap and he stared at the floor.  Of course there had been someone else, someone for her to compare to.  There was no wonder that she hadn’t come back after his fit the other day.  “It’s been two years but… we were going to get married… He was my best friend, and this week… it’s been two years since he died… yesterday.”

He nodded.  “It sucks when they die, doesn’t it.”  He ran a shaking hand through his wavy hair.  “And when they leave you with their shit, expecting you to take care of it.  Like you can go on when they couldn’t.”

“Marnie told me… Jas is your god daughter.”

“Yeah.  She is.”

“How’d they…?”

“Drunk driver hit them on the way home.  Six years ago.  I’ve had Jas ever since.”  Brown eyes met darker brown as he stared.  “How did he…?”

“Plane crash.  He was coming home early from a business trip to see me… I was so depressed I told him I needed him and… it’s my fault.”  Her voice broke and her body was wracked with silent sobs.  “It’s all my fault.”

He didn’t try to correct her, to say it wasn’t.  How could he?  He felt the same about John and Sarah every day.  He had been the one to suggest that they go on a date; it was his fault they died.  He knew how she felt.

He jumped as she leaned against him, burying her face into his shoulder.  He hesitantly wrapped an arm around her, and her face moved to his chest, hands grabbing at the fabric of his worn and stained shirt.  His other arm wrapped around her, and he pressed his face into her hair.  He felt… exhausted.  He hated talking about feelings and shit like this, and obviously so did she.  Because when she stopped crying, she stiffened again and pulled away from his arms.

“Thanks.”

“Yeah.”

“Shane?”

She took a breath.  “I don’t hate you.”  He looked at her, surprised.  “I actually, have a present for you, if you want it.”  She stood, moving towards the kitchen, and came back with a basket full of red peppers.  “I know they’re your favorite, and they’re the first of the season.  I just… I thought you wouldn’t want to see me again after…”

He took the basket.  “Oh wow, Lizzy!  How did you know these are my favorite?”

“Marnie mentioned you like spicy food so… you can’t get much spicier than these.”  She looked anywhere but him as she spoke.

He held the basket awkwardly and cleared his throat.  “I uh… I’d better get home.  Marnie will be wondering where I am.”

“O-Oh.  Yeah.  Sure.”

He walked to the front door, turning when she called his name.  “What?”

“Thank you.”

“Yeah.  Anytime.”

As he walked home, he couldn’t help but feel relieved.  When he walked through the door, Marnie looked at him expectantly.

“She’s fine.  It’s just… a bad week.”  He didn’t want to spread things around.  Liz seemed to be the private type and probably wouldn’t want her personal business to spread around; he sure as hell wouldn’t.  He set the peppers down on the counter and headed back out again to the saloon.  Yoba it had been a long ass day.  He didn’t deal with his own feelings well, let alone others.  He ordered one beer after another, Emily and Gus shooting him concerned looks as he downed them quickly.  It wasn’t until several hours later that he stumbled home, climbed into bed, and tried to forget the woman who was starting to constantly be on his mind.


	9. Chapter 9: Getting to Know You

She hated it when people checked on her.  It made her feel… vulnerable.  Like the entire world could see her faults; like everyone was staring at them, judging her.  She’d been that way with Alan, even though he was her best friend.  With Shane, it wasn’t any different.  Her attitude lately did make her realize one thing though: she wasn’t functional.  Not really.

Sure, she weeded her plants and did her farming duty, but lately, she was just going through the motions.  She wasn’t really there mentally speaking.  The dogs were fine, though, and so was the cat, so it didn’t really matter, did it?  Who would care?  She could stay out of town for a while; she had managed to make a seed extractor, which worked rather well with the majority of her crops.  She didn’t have to go into town to sell her wares either; Lewis did that for her, though sometimes she did wonder at what price.  No one would notice or care if she didn’t go into town for a while, right?  Would they even notice if she died?

“Ms. Lizzy!”  Wrong, apparently.  The brunette turned, shielding her eyes from the sun as she turned towards the sound.  She frowned slightly at the sight of a dark purple haired figure running up towards her.  Lizzy dusted her dirty hands off on her jeans.

“Jas?  Is everything okay?”  Why was she here?  The only reason she could think of was if something was wrong with-

“Yeah, everything’s fine.”  A gruff voice behind the girl said as a figure made its way between the trees.

“Shane.  What are you guys doing here?”

“Jas wanted to visit.  Something about making cookies like you promised.”  His cheeks turned slightly red as he looked away, running a hand through unruly hair.  His god daughter looked up at the brunette eagerly as the dogs trotted over, sniffing the newcomers before running back off.  Lizzy sighed softly and ran a hand through her hair which was now falling past her shoulders.  Shane’s gaze shot to her, so she managed a weak smile.  She didn’t really want him asking what was wrong.  Not when she wasn’t all that sure herself.

“Yeah, sure.  Let me see if I have what we need, and we can make some today.”

“You don’t have to today if you’re busy,” the man replied, moving so a hand rested on Jas’s shoulder.

“Nah, it’s fine.  Let me just look in my cabinets.  Jas, will you watch the cat for me?  Make sure he doesn’t get into any trouble.”

The girl nodded happily and chased after the black animal, while he waited until she was near before darting off to a nearby tree.  It was Maxwell’s favorite game next to hide and seek.

She walked into the house and over to the cabinets.  The only full part was the spice cabinet.  She had brought all of those with her when she moved.  The rest of the cabinets were rather… empty.  Depressingly so.  There were some items that she had foraged and dried in containers, but she kept the majority of things she was going to eat in the fridge, and the rest in the freezer for “harder times.”  She wasn’t really sure what that meant anymore; lately, she just hadn’t felt like eating, so she didn’t.  It probably explained why she kept on getting busy in the middle of the day.

“Been a while since you last went shopping?”  The voice behind her made her jump as she slammed the fridge door closed.

“Something like that.”  She looked away from him, as she spoke.  “We’ll have to get stuff from Pierre’s before we bake.”  She walked past the man, grabbing her purse automatically as well as some reusable grocery bags.  A hand touched her shoulder, and she reflexibility stiffened.

“Are you alright?”  His voice was soft as he stepped in front of her, forcing her to look at him with his other hand.  Lizzy sighed and closed her eyes rather than meet his gaze.

“I don’t know.”

************

She seemed to have enough gold to buy the groceries, so why didn’t she have enough food?  Shane contemplated as they walked back from Pierre’s.  Maybe she was saving for the next season; wasn’t that something farmers had to do?  As they walked through the door, he set the things on the counter, noting that there was a table and a few chairs, but no couch.  She had a tv at least, but the place was pretty bare.  Why hadn’t he noticed before?

“Let’s make sugar cookies,” Lizzy told Jas.  “That way you can ice them if you want.  Then, we’ll have some dinner.”

The girl nodded excitedly, hanging on to her every word.  Time for him to leave, then.  He wasn’t really into the whole cooking thing.  He grabbed a chair and was about to drag it into the living room when the purple-haired girl skipped up to him.  “You’re going to help us too, right Uncle Shane?”

Yoba he couldn’t say no to those puppy eyes.  Not when he’d been acting like a shit guardian lately.  When he went out and drank, it was Jas that he disappointed the most.  He wasn’t sure if he even deserved the kid anymore.  “I guess.”  Lizzy raised thin brows before hiding a smile behind her hand.

“Okay, then Jas we need to pull up your hair, and both of you need to go wash your hands.  Then we’ll get started.”  The brunette expertly used a hair tie on Jas’s locks before giving her a slight push.  “Bathroom’s through the bedroom.”  Lizzy rolled up her own sleeves and washed her own hands in the sink as Shane followed closely behind, using it after she was done.  She looked at him for a moment before putting away the things they bought; the eggs and butter in the fridge next to the milk, leaving out only what they would need.  The flour and sugar she simply put on the table after wiping it off.  Jas was back before he could manage to say anything, and the group began to bake.

Cookies were much more complicated compared to what he was used to; the hardest thing he cooked were the pepper poppers he had to put in the oven for a few minutes.  The so called “art” of baking was completely lost on him.  But, Jas absolutely loved it.  She loved learning to mix the dry things and then add the wet, how much of what to add when.  Her favorite part, and his, if he was honest, was rolling the dough and cutting out the shapes.  Lizzy apparently made cookies a lot if the amount of shapes she had said anything.  His goddaughter chose ones at random, even ones that didn’t make sense.  He didn’t care, though, she was having fun.  He picked up one in the shape of a dog and set to work, carefully cutting out three pieces of dough before placing them on the cookie sheet.  Lizzy was there to watch the ones already baking in the oven as well as reroll the dough once they ran out of room to cut.  She didn’t say much.  As a matter of a fact, Jas did most of the chattering, talking about school with Vincent and about how she was going to marry him someday.  That comment made him gaze over at her in shock while Liz let out a chuckle.

“You’re a little too young to decide that,” the brunette told her.  “Maybe wait until you’re older to decide that.”  Though she wasn’t happy, the topic of icing the cookies was enough to distract the little girl, for now.

Making the icing was a messy process; all three of them were covered in powdered sugar by the end of it since Jas decided to turn the beater on high too soon.  Lizzy was actually pretty chill about it, though; the dogs would help clean it up, she said.  Food coloring came next which always a pain with Jas; he experienced it every year during the egg festival.  He gently helped her mix the icings, trying his best to clean up after her mess as they worked.  While they applied the coating to the cookies, Shane watched Lizzy as she did as well.  It was a type of icing he’d never used before; one that you had to use a baking brush to put on.  At least the purple haired girl thought it was fun; she did like to paint during her lessons with Penny.

He had requested black icing and was staring at his cookie intently.  The first one had been easy: all black.  This one had black and white on it, though, which was a little more complicated.  Most of Jas’s cookies were pink and purple.  By the time they finished decorating, it was seven, and Jas was starting get sleepy.

“Why don’t you two watch something while I make dinner?”  The brunette said, the mess from the baking having been cleaned up already; the only thing left to do was clear off the table.  Jas didn’t complain; she simply nodded tiredly, and Lizzy shot Shane a concerned look.  “Unless you two should be heading off?”

He took a look at Jas before nodding.  “We probably should.”  His niece grumbled as he picked her up and settled her against his side.  Her head rested against his shoulder as she shut her eyes.  “Maybe we can do dinner some other time.”  It was more of a question, than a statement; he didn’t want to overstay his welcome; Jas was included in his package, after all.  To his surprise, Liz smiled and nodded.

“Let me walk you back.  You can’t carry the cookies all by yourself.”  She quickly packed them up in a container, placing wax paper in between layers of the cookies before opening the door for him.

She walked next to him as they headed south, taking care not to step on any of her saplings.  “Shane?”

“Yeah?”  Brown eyes met hers before she blushed slightly and looked away.

“Do you want to play Zario Party sometime?  I have an old Cube we could play on.  If you want to, that is.”

“Yeah, sure.”  He continued to study her face for a moment.  “I’ll pick us up some pizza from the saloon on the way.  Tomorrow okay?”

His reply surprised her; that much was painfully obvious.  But, instead of amazed, she just seemed… excited.  They neared the entrance to the ranch, and she stood awkwardly by the door as he fumbled to open the door before her warm hand softly closed over his and helped him open it.  She set the container on the counter before she replied in a soft whisper.  “Seven.  I’ll see you then.”

She was gone before he had time to turn around, so he gently tucked Jas into bed and headed back out.

“Is she asleep already?  It’s so early,” Marnie commented, apparently having just come into the house if the keys in her hand and purse on her shoulder meant anything.

“Yeah.  We made cookies at Lizzy’s, and I guess it tired her out,” he commented.  At his aunt’s large grin, he rolled his eyes.  “I’m going out.  I’ll be back later.”

************

Their visit had lifted her spirits for sure.  The next morning, she found herself humming while taking care of her crops before hurrying inside to clean.  Not that it wasn’t clean already or that there was much to clean; just that things needed to be… nice for when Shane came over.  She even went as far as to drag her mattress into the living room so they could sit on it while playing games.  She had even showered, done her hair and makeup all by 2pm.  There was one other place she probably needed to go, though.

Before she could change her mind, she kenneled the dogs and set out towards town.  As she approached the white building, she took a deep breath and walked in.

“Hi, how can we help you?”  She recognized the voice from the occasional conversation.  Maru.

“Hi, Maru,” she began politely before hesitating.  “Is Dr. Harvey in?  I was wondering if he could do a… check up for me today.  If he’s not busy, that is.”

“We actually have an open slot right now,” the woman replied professionally before handing her a clip board.  “Fill out this information, and he’ll be right with you.”

“Of course.”  It was the usual stuff; insurance, family history, past medications…  She hesitated on the last part, not really wanting Maru to see any of that.  It wasn’t that she didn’t trust the girl, but… well, it was a small town.  She filled it out anyway, just in time for Harvey to call her name, leading her back to an examination room.

“Are you here for a checkup?”  He asked conversationally as she sat on the examination table.

“Sort of,” she began cautiously, handing him the papers.  He looked through them for a moment before nodding.

“Any past surgeries?”

“No.”  
“Any other physical ailments?”

“No.”

“Alright then,” he said, starting the exam by taking her temperature.  He worked quickly, sliding his stethoscope into his ears and sliding his hand along her back and then under her shirt, where he listened for any sort of abnormalities.  Blood pressure and weight were last, and he was done.  “You’re underweight,” he said simply.  “You need to put on around 20 pounds or so; I remember you looking much different when you moved here.  Are you doing alright?”

“I’m fine,” she reassured him quickly, though she didn’t look into his eyes.  “Dr. Harvey, I was wondering how you’d feel about prescribing me antidepressants,” she spat out suddenly, not wanting to lose her nerve.

“I’d be alright with that.  Though, may I ask why you need them?  You say you’ve not taken any in years.”

“I was weaned off once things became… more manageable.”

He nodded in understanding.  “We’ll try the last mixture of medications you took, then, but we’ll start at the lowest dose and work our way up.”

She breathed a sigh of relief.  Since the doctor was the only one for hours, he also had his own supply of medications, though limited.  He had what she needed, and that was all she cared about.  He also didn’t ask for too many details; hopefully that meant he’d keep doctor-patient confidentiality.  Within reason, of course.  She paid her bill on the way out and thanked him.

"Feel free to stop by my office if you're ever feeling ill. You're young though, you'll probably stay healthy without trying."

She shot him a smile of thanks and ran out.

She didn’t have any other reason to be in town, so she headed home, pill bottle stashed in her purse.  She had had enough problems when she lived in the city for taken the pills, so she prayed that no one here would find out.  She wasn’t ready to have the talk about why she needed them.

Once she was back, she released the dogs and took a pill.  She was supposed to take them with dinner, but it was close enough to that time; the half an hour walk to town, the appointment, and the walk back had burned quite a few hours.  It was half past five.  She fed the dogs and got out her computer, looking at the spreadsheet for her finances.  Getting a chicken coup would be a nice addition to the farm.

************

She didn’t deserve him coming like this.  Not with a fucking awful hangover, and not with a cold-by-the-time-he-walked-there pizza.  He had even downed a beer before he came, to settle his nerves.  It didn’t ease the pounding of his head, though.  Nothing had all day.  Why she even bothered with him he didn’t know.  Still, here he was, outside of her door, half an hour early.  That wasn’t too bad, right?  The pizza didn’t take nearly as long as he had thought it would to make.  Gus and Emily were surprised when he didn’t order his usual amount of beers, and he cringed at the memory of the wide smile the blue-haired woman gave him.  Whatever.  He’d be back tomorrow anyway.  His knuckles rapped against the wooden door quickly, and it opened a moment later, the brunette beaming at him as he walked in, pizza in hand.  She looked… great.  Her hair was straighter than usual, and she had make up on.  But it was more of what she was wearing that made him say that.  To other people, it probably wouldn’t be much, but the short shorts and tight tank top outlined her body nicely.  It made his body ache in memory of being inside those wide hips.

“Thanks for the pizza,” she said as she led him inside, settling on the mattress and patting it in clear invitation for him to do the same.  He sat next to her, noting that she was super prepared.  Plates and napkins were laid out as well as glasses of water.  “Sorry, I don’t have anything else to drink,” she said sheepishly.  “I thought we could eat while we play, if that’s okay.”

“What about the dogs?”  He asked as the animals in question sniffed the box he had sat on the bed.  Lizzy simply cleared her throat and the dogs walked away, settling on the floor in the kitchen.

“They’ll be fine.”

He opened the box and served them each a slice.  Yeah, this was awkward, he decided as she took a small bite of the pizza and chewed.  They both seemed too tense to make any sort of… _normal_ conversation.

“I’ve got Zario Party, Super Zario Sunshine, and Honic.  I don’t really care what we play, but I thought I’d let you pick.”  Her voice interrupted his thoughts and he glanced over.

“Zario Party’s fine,” he answered.  “It’s the one that’s the most entertaining anyway.”

Liz nodded and plugged in the game, turning the source of the TV to the Cube and loading up the game.  They each picked a character and started the game.

“You fucking cheater!”  The brunette gaped one minigame round later.  “That’s not how you’re supposed to do rainbow jump!”

“I’m not cheating,” he retorted.  “That’s how I’ve always played.”  She groaned and pushed him slightly, making him lean over as he hit the button to roll the dice, obviously trying to get him to mess up.  He simply grinned and pushed back, easily rolling a ten on the dice.

“Why did I think this was a good idea again?”  She mock groaned as he bought the star.

“That’s what you get for challenging the Zario Party master.”

The rest of the game went easily enough after that; she made him comfortable in the same way Jas’s parents had; like they’d known each other forever.  While his attraction to her didn’t help his ease, she seemed to not notice any of the overly awkward things he did or said, which was good.

By the time they finished the game and eating, it was 9 o’clock.  Those 50 turn games really made the time fly by, even if they seemed to take forever.  He flopped down on the mattress a few seconds before Liz did the same.  “My fingers hurt,” she complained as she placed the controller on the floor, turning on her side to look at him.  Heat flooded her face for a moment, causing him to wonder what exactly she was thinking about when she turned that shade of red.  “So, wanna watch a movie or something?”

The question caught him off guard, just like almost everything she did.  Honestly, the fact that Liz seemed to want him around was the most astounding thing.  He was certain that it would end eventually, but as of right now, he figured he’d enjoy himself.  “Yeah, sure.”

After picking a movie from her large collection, she popped it in and laid on her stomach, head pointing towards the television, propped up on her arms.  He hesitated, and she gestured.  “It’s more comfortable this way.”  She handed him a pillow, which he placed underneath his chin and tried to turn his attention towards the movie; the bed was a queen, so not small.  But, their arms were touching ever so slightly, and Liz shifted every once in a while, her tank top stuck beneath her arms revealing a little more of her bra with every movement.  He tried to force his gaze back to the screen, though the movie seemed much less interesting.

He cursed his libido as his stomach began to grow warm, and his hips began to ache.  He shifted for a moment, causing for Lizzy to glance his way.  “Shane?”  She questioned worriedly.  “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he half groaned, eyes regluing themselves to the screen.  He just needed to get through this movie, and he could head home.  Surely the walk would help clear his head.  She obviously didn’t believe him, but she went back to watching the movie, glancing at him every once in a while.

“What’s your favorite color?”  She asked suddenly, eyes still on the screen.

“What?”

“What’s your favorite color?  I like blue, especially the color the sky gets right after it’s rained.”

“Uh, green,” he replied lamely, eyes leaving her for a moment.

“What about video game?”

“I like Vicher 3 on the Mega Station.”

“Alan used to play that a lot.  I’m too jumpy for that; the closet thing I’ve played is Legend of Link.”

He shrugged.  Games didn’t really scare him all that much; they were just games.  Things in real life were often much scarier.

At his lack of response, she fell silent, scrutinizing the screen for a moment before reaching to the right, grabbing a blanket from the floor and throwing it over both of them.  “It can get pretty cold at night,” she explained when he looked over at her.  She didn’t move closer to him, though.  Was she just trying to be friendly or did she want him to touch her?  He wasn’t sure, so he settled with moving close enough that their arms were touching.  She responded by letting her leg touch his, and he internally groaned.  This girl had a way of testing his limits, which was ridiculous considering they had sex already.  Sex that _she_ had wanted.  If she wanted to again, why the hell didn’t she just say so?  Was she getting shy all of a sudden?  Did she think it was a mistake?  The way she was acting was too damn confusing for him to tell.  All that he knew was that he was too much of a coward to make the first move.

When the movie did finish, it was close to 12.  He stood slowly and stretched, back audibly popping as the kinks worked themselves out.  “I’d better go.  Morris will have my ass if I show up late tomorrow.”

“Okay.  Be safe getting home, okay?”  She stood and walked towards the door, dogs immediately running outside to pee when she opened it.  “Thanks for coming over.  I had a good time.”  She smiled at him; it was a real smile too, not one of those fake ones you give people when you don’t really mean it.  How could he have made her so happy?  Who knew.  She stared at him for a moment, as if expecting something, and he ran a hand through too long brown hair.

“Yeah, see you later,” he finally replied, gaze moving from hers to the pathway leading back towards the ranch.  He missed her slightly disappointed look, which she straightened back into a smile.

“Maybe we can do it again sometime?”

“Sure.  Sounds… fun.”  It really did.  He headed out the door as the brunette whistled at the dogs, them trotting back inside, though Lucas waited until he scratched his head to go inside.  When she closed her door, he was suddenly shrouded in darkness.  Pulling up his hood, he made his way down the path.  Once he reached his room, he pulled a six pack from under his bed and cracked one open, downing it before falling face first into the bed, a long “fuuuuck” escaping him as he closed his eyes, hand reaching over into the bed to grab another.  The anxiety flowing through his veins began to slow as the effects of the alcohol hit him; the walk to the farmer’s house had been enough to sober him up a little before, but downing Joja’s cheap beers so quickly was always a good way to get himself hammered.  He figured a few more and he’d be able to stop hating himself every few seconds for making such a fool out of himself in front of Liz.  Then maybe he’d finally be able to get to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lower quality; this chapter just wasn't coming out well. I think it's because they're both just so awkward about it. Also, Abstract Algebra sucks.


	10. Chapter 10: End of Summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is NSFW! Thanks!

Summer was going by quickly; the annual Luau had come and gone with fuss.  The governor had liked the soup this year, which of course made Lewis ecstatic, even if no one else cared.  He was spending more and more of his free time with Liz, which caused relentless teasing from Marnie, not that he minded.  It was nice having someone who talked to him and invited him to things, though he didn’t know why.  It still confused him.  He walked up the pathway to the farm, noting the curious noise and walking up to find Lizzy, making some sort of fence?  The posts at least, he noted.  She was pounding them into the ground in a large square south of the mini pond on her property.

“Shane!”  She greeted him with a smile, dusting her hands off on her jean shorts before walking towards him.  She was covered with a fine sheen of sweat, but that wasn’t the only thing that looked different.  She positively glowed; her skin was tanned from her work in the sun, and her muscles were taught.  In addition, she had put on some weight, which she had badly needed.  The last time he had gone over, she had some actual food in the pantry, even if it was the cheap reduced stuff Pierre sold.  It was a start.

“What’s the fence for?”  He asked, noting that the posts were pretty high; around four feet.  The square spanned a pretty big area too, probably 30 foot by 30 foot.  What on earth was she planning on putting in here?

“Chickens,” she replied happily.  “Robin’s going to come and build me a coop starting tomorrow, so I thought I should have an enclosure for them too.  I picked the grassiest area so they could have some things to peck at.  She watched him nervously as he looked, walking the area.

“How many chickens are you planning to have?”

“Just six to start off.”

“You know they really only need ten square feet of space, right?”

“Yeah, but I feel bad.  I’d hate staying in such a small space.  Besides, I can close half of it at a time to let the grass grow back.”

He nodded in understanding.  “Fair enough.”  He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket; it was something he never left home without, even if it was sweltering.  He stood there for a moment.  “Do you need help?”

The brunette looked up at him in surprise.  “I mean, yeah.  If you want.  You could help me beat down the posts that’d be great.  I was planning on using a wire mesh fence so they can’t escape.”

“You could do that,” he said with a nod.  “Or you could use wood and just place the boards close together.  That way the chicks won’t get out.”

She nodded.  “I’d have to waterproof the wood though… but it’d probably look better too.”  She glanced over at him and smiled.  “Yeah, let’s do that!  Grandpa had some extra waterproofing paint we could use.  I used it on the posts already, but we can use it on some boards too.”

She stood and stretched, tank top lifting just enough to give him a view of the skin, smooth skin below her navel.  He forced his eyes back to her face and nodded.  “Alright.  Do you have another mallet I can use?”

After she handed him one, he got to work.  A thirty by thirty fence required posts every 5 feet, or so she said.  He’d never built one before, so he just trusted her judgement and placed the poles in the pre-dug holes and started hammering.

After about ten minutes, he began to sweat so much he took off his jacket, slamming his sledge hammer enough to set one post, and moving on to the next.  He slammed the next one into the hole as Lizzy came behind, filling the hole with dirt and pounding it down before putting in a six inch wide board as a “key” to secure it.  God his arms were aching.  How did she manage to do this every day?

A half an hour later, and his shirt came off.  It was soaked in sweat anyway, and he was too hot to care if she didn’t like how he looked.  His own insecurities kicked in for a moment as he stared at his too flabby belly and chest before he started pounding into the dirt again, turning when Liz uttered a curse.  She was shaking her hand while blatantly staring at him, face turning more red than the sun could make it look naturally.

A few hours later and all the boards were set, and he was exhausted.  He flopped onto the ground on his back, staring up at the sky.  Her shadow fell over him and a hand appeared in his vision.  “Wanna go cool off?”  She asked as he grasped it, standing.  He nodded, still huffing for breath, as she handed him a water bottle and walked over to the small pond on her property.  Guzzling down the water, he followed, standing next to her as she grinned, waited until he put the cap back on, and pushed him into the water.

“Yoba fucking damn!”  He managed as he fell face first into the cold water.  As he surfaced, her laughter hit his ears before she jumped in next to him, splashing him.  He grinned and grabbed her wrists, picking her up easily and chucking her farther into the water; causing her to scream.  When she surfaced, she began to laugh as she swam back towards him.

“Feeling cooler?”  She asked, raising her brows as she stood, tank top soaked.  He could fully see the outline of her bra through it as it clung to her.  Droplets rained from her hair down her neck in rivulets, trailing between her breasts, and he stared openly.  It turned slightly pink again, causing him to look up into her eyes, the grin still on his face.

“You know we’ve had sex, right?”  He teased quietly, moving towards her as she looked to the side, face ablaze.

“Y-Yeah,” the brunette stuttered in response.  “S-So?”

“So you don’t have to be so… embarrassed every time I check you out,” he replied smoothly.  “Unless you don’t want me to?”

“N-No!  I mean—I want you to—I mean!”  Her hands covered her face not noticing how closely he stood next to her, and a surprised noise escaped her lips as he grasped her wrists, pulling them down to her sides.  She was cute like this.  Even as her eyes refused to meet his, he studied her face.  Why was she so embarrassed?  Was sex with him something to be that ashamed of?  If it was, she wouldn’t have said she wanted him to look at her, would she?

“So you want me to?”  He asked, his voice gruff with his own embarrassment, afraid of being wrong as he gently released her hands and brought one of his own up to her face for a moment.

“Y-Yeah.  I do.”  Her golden brown eyes finally met his own dull ones, and his heart rate increased rapidly.  Her face was so close to his own; how did it get so close?  Her eyes fluttered closed for a moment, and his brought his own face closer.  Right before the dogs began to howl.  _Yoba damn it…_ The effect was immediate, Lizzy stumbled back and tripped, falling into the lake as Toby and Lucy neared, followed by a orange haired woman he recognized all too well.  Robin.

As he held a hand out to help Lizzy up, the woman trotted towards them, apparently not seeing, or not caring about the interesting state of dress they were in.  “Hey, Lizzy, Shane!  I thought I’d check out where you’re planning on having the coup, if that’s okay!”

“Of course!”  It was like a switch flipped; she was all business.  “Let me show you where I have things planned out.  Shane, if you want, you can use the shower.  I should be done before you’re out.  I should have some old clothes you can wear.”  She shot him an apologetic look before heading out with the older female, chatting animatedly about the coop, even as her shoes squelched against the ground.

He decided to take up her offer of a shower, mostly because he wanted to disappear at the moment, and the house was the closest place to do so.  He took off his shoes and entered, placing them on the porch and heading into Liz’s room.  It was clean except for the pile of laundry in the corner.  Apparently, she didn’t have a basket to put it in, not that he could judge; his room was loads worse.  As he turned on the water he stripped, stepping out of his pants and plaid boxers before stepping into the warm spray.  While the cold water had been refreshing, it also left him feeling pretty gross; the bottom of the lake had definitely been covered in algae. 

Lizzy definitely wasn’t like most girls he had known; there were only four things in the shower; one was shampoo, one was body wash, and two were conditioners, though he didn’t understand why she needed two of those.  Either way, they smelled nice and he was able to quickly figure out what to use.

“Shane?”  A voice inside the bathroom startled him.  “I’m going to wash your clothes, okay?  I’m leaving you some to change into on the toilet.”  With that, the door clicked shut again.  He finished up quickly and changed, heading out with the towel around his shoulders to find her in the kitchen.

“Oh good.  I’m going to shower.  Then I’ll make us dinner.  I figure I owe you a meal after all the manual labor,” she joked before heading to the bathroom.  He took the time to look around her place more thoroughly.  It had only been a few weeks since he had last come over with Jas, but it looked different in a better sort of way.  She had bought a couch to put in front of the tv, the curtains had been washed in front of the windows.  She also had indoor plants lining shelves that stood in front of those windows.  The place had a very homey feel compared to when she first moved in.

After a few more moments, she was out, her brown hair looking more black now hanging loosely down her shoulders.  “It should be an hour until your clothes are dry,” she said nonchalantly, “though your shoes will take longer.  I should have thought about that before I pushed you in; I’m sorry.”  She grimaced and stole a glance at him, a worried expression on her face escaping despite her best attempts to keep it neutral.

“It’s fine,” he reassured her as he followed her into the kitchen.  “Do you have a pizza or something you could heat up?  I’m pretty hungry after all that work,” he joked.  She brightened almost immediately and nodded, placing the pizza in the oven shortly after.

“So…”  she hesitated.  “Do you want to watch a movie or something?”  He simply grabbed the case full of movies in response, grabbing one and popping it in before joining her on the couch.

Well, now that he got a better look at it, it was more a loveseat than a couch.  Definitely.  They were sitting so close their legs touched.  He would have found the blush that came over her face _again_ funny if he wasn’t so damned nervous himself.  Neither of them were really paying attention to the movie, a fact that was made blatantly obvious when she caught him staring after fifteen minutes into it.

“I-Is something wrong?”  She asked, squirming uncomfortably in her seat.

“No,” he managed, standing up suddenly and heading into the kitchen.  To check on the pizza, he told himself as he watched the timer on the microwave count down.  He heard her get up and follow him, socked feet padding softly on the tile flooring.

“Shane, are you okay?”  The question was asked softly but full of feeling.  He turned to see concerned eyes looking up at him.  He grasped her waist and pulled her closer, close enough that their noses almost touched.  And then she closed her eyes as his lips neared hers.

This kiss was much different than the last one; it was still rushed but much less desperate.  He took the time to explore her, relish the way her skin felt against his hands, her soft lips felt against his own.  Yoba she was so… responsive.  She was opening up to him immediately, hips pressing against his own and hands running themselves through his hair.  One of his own tangled themselves in her wet locks, not minding as he pulled on it, forcing her chin to tilt up as his lips explored her chin, then her neck, nibbling his way down to the juncture by her shoulder.

The timer went off, and she groaned, leaning away from him to turn it and the oven off before looking back at him.  He felt her eyes dart towards the basketball shorts he was wearing; hers of course.  They were much tighter than what he was used to, which meant his hardening length stood out against it.  She swallowed before looking back up at him.  “Shane…”  His name on her lips was enough.  It sent him back into motion, and he crushed her form against his, grinding his hips against her own as one hand went back to her hair, pulling gently so he could continue his exploration of her neck.  The other went under her shirt and bra, squeezing a full breast before teasing the nipple that poked against his hand.  Loud moans escaped her over and over as she pulled him closer than he thought possible.  Suddenly, though, she broke from his grip and took his hand, leading him to the bed where she pushed him down upon it and crawled on top of him, her hands pressing into his erection while her lips took their turn exploring his neck.  He forced her to retreat by pulling her shirt over her head and unfastening her bra quickly after.  She shed it at his request before continuing her assault on her neck, her breasts brushing against his chest.  He grabbed them both, massaging them gently.  Her nipples pressed against his palms, so he focused his attention on them, pinching and flicking them hard enough to cause her to gasp.  One hand continued the movement; he enjoyed the sounds escaping her mouth as it did, while the other made its way down her stomach and towards the hem of her pants.  Her hands were on his shoulders, forcing him to lay down, and he let out a frustrated noise at being unable to explore the one part of her he badly wanted to.

Liz tugged at his shirt, and he obeyed, sitting up enough for her to pull it over his head.  Her mouth eagerly began to explore his chest, hands tracing his figure while lips followed their movements.  He closed his eyes and groaned as her tongue danced around his nipple, the tingling sensation causing his erection to twitch once her tongue made it down past his navel.  She fingered the him of the pants, looking up at him as if in permission.  He nodded and she tugged them down, lips attaching themselves to the head of his member as soon as it was revealed.

“Oh Yoba!”  His hands grasped her hair and forced her mouth all the way down, his length going into her throat before they allowed her to surface.  She sucked and licked as much as she could before taking him all in again, prompting another load groan from his lips.  Over and over she worshiped his cock.  Until the point he began to feel the finish line coming too close and he tugged her off, and she released him, though unwillingly.

It was his turn, he decided as he rolled her over, placing her on her back and him on top of her.  His hands removed her shorts quickly and he settled his head between her legs.  Judging by how wide her eyes were and how she tried to clench her legs together, she hadn’t had a guy give her oral before.  Well, she would enjoy it, he decided as he spread her lower lips.  His tongue darted out and flicked her sensitive nub once, twice, thrice… until her head fell back against the pillows and she moaned loudly.  Encouraged by her noises, he suckled on it, bringing a hand up to tease her entrance before delving inside her warmth.  “Sh-Shane… Oh Yoba, Shane…”  Her hips bucked as he slid his finger in and out, her fluids covering him much more quickly than he expected.  His own member ached at the sight of how turned on she was because of _him_.  He used his tongue to run lazy circles around her clitoris, resulting in his hair being grasped and his head being pushed into her hips, causing him to grin.

“Patience,” he said simply as he added another finger to the one pumping inside of her.  He couldn’t help it; her reactions made him feel confident.  There was no fucking way she was making up these noises.  He did relent, however and start licking and suckling on her sensitive spot again, fingers pumping in and out at the same pace until he felt her insides shutter, followed by a gush of liquid in release.  He gave her a final lick before settling back on his knees, looking at his handiwork.  Her eyes were closed, and her face was turned to the side.  Her chest was heaving, her breasts jiggling in the motion, and her legs were spread wide, center perfectly visible to him, sending a wave of arousal down his spine.  Yoba he wanted her so badly.

As if on cue, she opened her eyes and looked into his.  She rolled over before getting onto her hands and knees in front of him, looking back at him.  “Fuck me.  Please, Shane.  Please,” she begged softly.  He swept her hair over one shoulder and took a hold of his cock, teasing it along her entrance before sliding in.

She felt just as wonderful as he remembered.  She was so hot and wet for him.  Those thoughts circled around his brain as he pushed himself fully into her before backing out, driving himself back into her harder this time.  She let out a shout before wiggling her ass higher, encouraging him to pick up the pace.  And he did.  Faster and faster until he was sweating up a storm, he pumped in and out of her, hands digging into her ass and leaving marks as he tilted his hips, hoping to find the same sweet spot as last time.  When she screamed, he knew he had.  He focused all his energy into that spot, going as fast as he could, even as she begged him for more.  His arousal was building up like a tidal wave, about to crash when he felt her clench around him for the second time.  He cursed loudly as he lost control, coming earlier than expected and before he was able to pull out, white seed shooting deeply into her womb.  Once he finished he pulled out and collapsed on the bed.  She laid next to him and snuggled into his chest.  He hesitated before putting his arms around her, basking in her warmth.

“I have an IUD,” she said suddenly, causing his eyes to pop open.  He made a questioning noise rather than speak, feeling quite drowsy.  “Birth control, Shane.  I won’t get pregnant.”  He simply nodded in response and pulled a blanket up around them, his other hand resting in her hair.  She kissed his neck softly as he began to drift off.  “Thank you, Shane.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a tumblr thingy in case you guys wanted to chat/ask questions/??? It's sadsloth96.tumblr.com! Feel free to chat with me!


	11. Chapter 11: The Beginning of the Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one has very small(?) sexual references, but it mostly has a lot of anxiety/depression/suicidal thoughts it it! Please be safe while reading this!

_Who the hell even talked like that?_ The brunette sighed as she continued to pull the roots of weeds, wiping her brow with her hand as she moved the torch on the ground next to her a little to the right so that she could see a bit better.  It wasn’t quite sunrise yet; she had woken much earlier than normal, probably due to her… romp with Shane the afternoon before.  They had fallen asleep much earlier than she planned, probably around 6 o’clock.  Not that she regretted it.  Shane’s help the day before had actually put her ahead of schedule in terms of building her fence; she just needed to waterproof the wood, nail the pieces together, and nail those onto her posts.  Still, she had replayed the conversation in her head over and over once she had woken up, lying next to the still naked and snoring man which resulted in her getting up and beginning the day’s work; anxiety and embarrassment were bitches sometimes.  Lizzy could hardly ever sleep after a good round with the two.  Robin would arrive soon anyway, though, and that woman’s hammering could wake the dead.  Or at least, it could wake the cat from a nap which was rare in itself.  Part of her did wonder what the redhead would think once she saw Shane leaving her place; there was no way she _wouldn’t_ notice.  But, Robin didn’t seem like a town gossip.  Liz just hoped she wasn’t wrong.  If she was, well, the rest of the town would probably assume that they were dating.  She didn’t mind that, but Shane probably would.  Not that it was any of their business, but it may be worth clearing it up with them later rather than have a pissed off brunet.

What would Shane think when he woke up alone?  She dusted her dirty hands off on her jeans and sighed.  She had already acted like an unwilling idiot with her stammering; she was lucky he could read between the lines, or in her case, the stammers.  Part of his conversation was just as awkward as hers, though.   “You know we’ve had sex, right?”  Of course she did; there was no way she’d forget her first orgasm from a man _during_ sex.  Alan had been a nice guy, but the age difference had made things… difficult.  Their sex lives hadn’t been nearly as active as Lizzy wanted, though the older man tried his best.  He always felt guilty about not being able to… _pleasure_ her enough.  If Shane woke up alone, he’d probably think he’d upset her or that she hated him.  At least, that was what she’d think.  Maybe he was different, but his depression seemed just as self-centered as her own; she was her own worst enemy for certain.  She checked her watch as the first rays from the sun rose over the treetops.  Four thirty.  Robin would be here at six, so it’d probably be best to wait for her to get here and then go back inside.  Shane wouldn’t have to be up early on a Saturday, would he?  She was pretty sure that Joja Mart was closed that day given that he had taken to coming over on those days.

She quickly attempted to finish up her chores; it was easier now that she had a half decent watering system set up; the weeding was the hardest part of her day now.  Besides the fence of course.  Painting was a bitch, not because it was hard but because of the fumes.  Yoba, she hated the smell of wet paint.  Once the redhead showed up, Liz gave her a brief wave and made her way towards her, making sure the woman didn’t need anything from her before heading inside.  Maybe she wouldn’t even notice Shane was there when he left.  It probably would be best to not bring it up before hand, just in case.  Bringing it up now would just make it seem like she thought it was something she had to cover up.  Which, she didn’t.  Normal people had sex with random strangers, so what was so bad with her having sex with a friend?  Well, he was a friend to her, maybe not the other way around.

She crept into her bedroom, relieved to find Shane still in bed, snoring.  Fucking Yoba this was awkward.  Did she shower and go back in bed?  Did she make breakfast or was that being too clingy?  It was easier last time since she had to go to work the next morning; they hadn’t had any opportunity for awkwardness.  Or to talk about it, really.  She stepped into the warm water of the shower and let out a soft groan in frustration.  Why did things have to be so complicated?  With Alan, it had been easy; she’d asked him out, they had gone on a date, they slept together, and they moved in together a few years later.  Looking back, she had been really lucky that he hadn’t just been wanting a one-night stand; they had slept together on the second date, after all.  But Liz had been younger then, more innocent.  She had been nineteen while Alan had been twenty-nine.  He definitely already knew what he wanted, so maybe she had just been a victim to inexperience.  She wasn’t nearly as much now; Shane had never even expressed slight interest in a lasting relationship with her.  He had hung out with her at times, but mostly he brought Jas with him if he came over.  He also didn’t try to ask her on another date after the movie marathon disaster.  She had obviously been moving too fast; she should have stuck to her side of the loveseat.  It was obvious he wanted to be friendly, but was that because he liked her or because Jas did?  His friendliness was probably nothing more than him feeling guilty for acting like such a dick when they’d first met.  And every time she slept with him, she started to like him a little bit more.  She should probably start putting some sort of distance between them, even if she didn’t want to.  It would save her feelings later, right?  There was no way he wanted anything even close to what she did.  He just wasn’t interested enough.

The brunette finished up and walked out of the bathroom in a towel, water from her hair dripping and running in small rivulets down her collarbone as she hesitated while staring at the man.  He was so… peaceful when he slept.  He didn’t seem happy; she had rarely seen him with a smile on his face after all.  When he did smile, it was when he was with Jas, showing just how much he adored the young girl.  But, when he slept, he at least seemed to be relieved from whatever made him so guilty feeling all the time.  While awake, the brunet practically had it written in his eyes.  She pushed a stray brown lock from his forehead.  How did she get so close?  She slowly placed her arm back at her side; this was too much.  It was too much like what she had used to do with Alan.  She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment, breathing through her nose as she backed away.

She really wanted to get back into bed; the dogs were curled up at the foot of the bed, and the cat lounged lazily in a sunbeam that was shining onto the floor.  She dried her body quickly, towel drying her hair soon after.  She stood there, hands on her hips as she gazed thoughtfully at the bed.  It probably wasn’t a good idea for her to go back into bed; when he woke up, they would most definitely have sex.  She’d just end up liking the man more and more after that, and maybe she’d even fall for him.

Though, at this point, she wasn’t sure why she liked him.  Was it just for the sex?  It was mind blowing; having a guy give her an orgasm was definitely a plus.  Also, he wasn’t afraid of going down on her, which could be a change she’d love to get used to.  What about him as a person, though?  Did she really know enough to like him?  Lizzy knew he liked pizza, beer, and spicy peppers.  She knew he loved Jas to death and tried his best for her, even though it was hard at times.  Hell, she even knew he hated Joja Mart from the conversations that they had had while doing work on her farm.  He didn’t talk much, but he seemed to make an effort for her, which was a nice, though deceiving, thought.  He had a nice body; she preferred her men with some meat on their bones and didn’t really care for men who were too fit; they were usually obsessed with their looks and spent more time on them than important things like family.  Also, men like Shane would appreciate her baking every once in a while and not lecture her about being healthy.  But was that enough?  She didn’t know where he went to high school or if he went to college; she didn’t know what vegetables he hated or how he liked his tea.  Hell, she didn’t even know what he wanted to do in the future; everyone had plans for that, even if they didn’t admit to it.  Did she really know him well enough to like him enough to… date?

She ran a hand through damp hair and sighed as her fingers got caught in some tangles.  Hadn’t she decided after Alan died that dating wasn’t worth it?  Losing someone you loved was too much to go through once, let alone twice.  Shane would die someday, and she wouldn’t know when, where, or how.  Would it really be worth going through again for a few years of comfort?  Alan would tell her to date again.  He wouldn’t want her to die alone or unhappy, and he also would tell her that it wasn’t her fault.  It would be so much easier, though, to die alone.  To wait until the animals were gone and isolate herself just enough that no one would notice when she went missing.  Dating was the opposite of what she really should do.  Who would want to be with her anyway?  She was a loser; she had a useless degree she wasn’t even using.  She hadn’t even managed to stick it out with Joja Mart, though they had offered her a good salary.  How would she be able to make it through a relationship when she had nothing to give?

Her eyes finally made their way back to the person in the bed, and her face flamed at the sight of his eyes open and staring back at her.  “Morning,” she managed quietly, her arms crossing self consciously over her breasts before she forced them back down to her sides; there was no point in hiding what he’d already seen, right?  He grunted in reply, and she watched as his eyes traced her body line, sending shivers down her spine as arousal filled the pit of her stomach.  Fuck.

She had never experienced anyone being so… tempting before.  She was usually attracted to people because of _who_ they were, not their bodies.  Maybe Liz did like Shane as a person, but she had never experienced something so intense before.  It was like just looking at him set her insides on fire.  “You’re up early,” she managed as her eyes slid to the covers which were unable to hide his growing… _attraction_ towards her.  Seeing him turned on by _her_ of all people turned that blaze into a full out forest fire that seemed to spread with no abandon.  She could barely control herself enough to keep the liquid building between her thighs from running down them.  Would having sex one more time hurt?  It would most definitely be worth it; any orgasm that didn’t involve her fingers or vibrator was, but his made those seem like simple pleasures in comparison to what he could offer.  He gestured for her to return to the bed and she obeyed, but she hesitated next to it before sitting down.  “Shane…”  She tried her best to think carefully, even as rough hands reached out to grab at her torso, gently encouraging her to lay down despite their tough exterior.  She thought back to the episode in his room and shuddered as a thumb made its way across her nipple; she really didn’t want to set him off or add to his own anxieties.  Liz needed to be careful.  She cursed softly under her breath as another wave of pleasure rolled through her and grabbed his hands by the wrists, holding them gently away from her, even as her body screamed in protest and liquid visibly dampened the skin between her legs which were slightly open as his knee was pressed against her core.  “Shane… I-I’ve never… I’m not usually a one-night stand type of girl.”  That much was probably obvious to him; she had acted like a complete idiot after the first time they had slept together, after all.  “But…”  She swallowed as his gaze darkened, and she glanced downwards, her voice barely more than a whisper.  “I like having sex with you, Shane.  I like it a lot, but if we’re going to keep doing this… I’m going to get too… attached.”  Yoba that was fucking awful.  Did she even get the point across?  Did it make it sound like she didn’t want a relationship which… well, she didn’t, did she?  “I-I mean if you wanted to I’d…”  She trailed off and looked back up at him briefly.  His eyes were shut, and he was laying on his back.  His problem was still, well, a problem, so that was a good sign, right?  Or did emotions not matter for morning wood?  She had no idea.  She sat back up, leaning against the headboard, unsure of what exactly to do.  He needed his space; that much was obvious.  But was she supposed to leave?  Wait until he responded?  Honestly, the fact that Lizzy didn’t know what she wanted herself made things even worse.  She rested her head in her hands, anxiety overtaking her as she began to panic.  There was no way that he didn’t hate her now; she had ruined a good relationship for what?  Her own inability to keep herself from spreading her legs.  Yoba she was such a whore.  He probably didn’t even like her; he probably just thought that she was easy, which she really had been.  It was no use trying to salvage anything now; there was no possible way he’d ever want to talk to her again.  Her heart ached as she left the bed, making her way to the dresser where she methodically began to dress.  She had to do this.  She had to be strong; she didn’t want him doing anything just because he felt guilty.  Besides, he obviously wasn’t interested in anything more and neither was she, right?  It was a good decision to break off this… _arrangement_ before things got too far.  Out of habit, she closed her eyes and imagined shoving her feelings into a cardboard box then duct taping it closed.  At once she felt a cold, stoniness settle on her.  Her heart felt heavy, like her emotions had turned to stone, but at least she couldn’t feel them anymore.  She could forget that they were there and harden her heart; when she did that, nothing could hurt her.  She managed to walk to the door, turning to find him getting dressed himself, dogs awake and whining at him whilst he did.  “I’m sorry,” she managed before she fled, making sure the doggy door was open for the dogs as she grabbed her pickaxe and headed up north.  She hadn’t explored the mines yet, and some mind-numbing activity was exactly what she needed to get her emotions in check.

************

The mines turned out to be a far from mind numbing task, but the adrenaline rush did her good, she supposed as she wearily climbed down the ladder.  She was grateful to find the elevator on the fifteenth floor after stupidly continuing after the tenth.  The strange man she had met before entering the mines had given her two things: a rusty, piece of shit sword and instructions on how to fix the elevators.  There didn’t seem to be any giant bugs around, so she figured she could fix the damn thing and go home.  Her bag was full of ore that she had managed to mine up.  Her tools really needed to be either replaced or repaired, and she figured the stuff she found would be enough, after she smelted it into bars anyway using the old thing Clint had given her.  Hopefully the animals would be smart enough to stay away from it while it was lit.

An hour later, she was covered with even more bug juice than before, but the elevator was fixed, and she was headed home.  Her steps slowed as she thought about the possibility that Shane had stayed, waited for her even.  It would be nice, but she doubted the possibility so much that she wasn’t even disappointed when she walked in to find that he, in fact, wasn’t there and had gone home.  It was to be expected, right?  Didn’t most guys get pissed once they found out their favorite ride didn’t want to be the main attraction anymore?  Maybe that was the only reason he had been friendly with her in the first place; either that or she had annoyed him with all of her attempted of half assed presents and meaningless conversations enough to get him to start responding.  All in hopes of her going away, of course.

She jumped into the small pond by her house, rinsing off the bug juice before stripping down, leaving them to hand over the rail on the porch, and heading inside.  She just wanted to shower and go to bed.  Tomorrow, she’d repeat the process, and maybe, eventually, she’d remember why she moved to Pelican Town in the first place; to get away from the people who remembered Nick and took pity on her.  She had had enough surprise blind dates and “casual” introduction of friends to last her a lifetime.  Out here, there wasn’t supposed to be anyone around for miles.  Out here, there wasn’t supposed to be anyone who could make her forget Alan.

The thought crossed her mind as she showered fed the dogs.  It would be easy for her to die in the minds, wouldn’t it?  Shane probably wouldn’t talk to her again after this morning, and she never went into town.  No one would notice if her bin was empty for a few weeks since she really only put stuff in during harvest time anyway.  Honestly, no one would notice if she was gone for a few weeks and even then she doubted they’d check the mines.  She would just disappear.  Making sure her pets were taken care of would be a different story, however.  Maybe she could convince her sister to take them?  She sighed softly as she fell into bed.  She hated herself oh so much, but she wasn’t sure if she could ever convince herself to leave the dogs behind to starve.  Not after what they’d been through.  Not after what they’d done for her.  She picked up their bowls and headed to bed.  She loved them more than life itself, but they really were holding her back.  Though it depended on who you asked whether or not that was a good thing.

************

Couldn’t she have at least let him fuck her before she had to go on and…  He sighed and placed his head in his hands, holding up a finger to signal Emily to bring him another beer.  The blue haired female had tried her best to engage him in conversation, to get him to tell her what was wrong, but he had simply ignored her and chugged every beer she brought to him.  Sure, it had to look bad.  He had been drinking lightly the last few weeks, only a beer or two, a reasonable amount compared to his usual.  And now he was downing them like there was no tomorrow.  Which, for him at least, he hoped there wouldn’t be.

Yoba, he liked her.  He really, truly did.  Her smile was bright and contagious; her eyes were warm like honey when the sun shone on them.  And now that she had gained some weight, Yoba just a glance of those curves could get him hard as a rock.  But, this morning, she had seemed… scared.  She shut down and shut him out before he could even have a chance to respond to anything that she said.  And then she apologized and walked out?  What the fuck did that mean?  Did she regret sleeping with him?  Had he done something wrong?  All of the confidence he had felt the night before was replaced with a sense of self-loathing instead.  Of course he had; she wouldn’t have acted like that if he hadn’t.  Sure, he could tell that she wasn’t the “sex only” type, but he figured that she would just say she wanted something more, and maybe, just maybe, he’d gather up the courage to say that he wanted something too.  Fucking coward.  The worst part of it all was that his body had still wanted her, even after she’d left.  He’d been unable to tamper his arousal, either, and ended up jerking off into a pair of her panties in her dirty laundry before shoving it into the washer and starting it.  The action made the man feel like a filthy pervert, but that was just who he was, wasn’t it?  Who else would want to have sex before finding out someone didn’t like you.

By the time he left the bar for the night, he had managed to down ten beers and was ready for some more.  Because he drank so much so frequently, a few beers here and there didn’t even make him feel tipsy.  But ten was quite a few, even for him.  He stumbled his way back to the ranch, falling flat on his face a few times along the way.  Once he made it to his room, he collapsed into bed, trying not to imagine what Marnie would think when she woke the next morning.  She had seemed so much happier lately, talking to him more about the ranch than usual and even about Lewis.  It was probably because he was around more for dinners.  Hell, even Jas had seemed happier.  Well, he was about to ruin their fucking day because he was still the same piece of shit as always.  He didn’t deserve any happiness.  Hell, he should just go jump off a cliff.  It would make life better for everyone else anyway.  He reached under the bed and grabbed a six pack, settling against the wall as he cracked one open and took a deep drink.  Hopefully he’d blackout.  Or maybe he’d get so drunk he really would go jump off that cliff.  Yoba, he hoped so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you guys think! Sorry about the late update; I had a few midterms to take care of.


	12. Chapter 12: Shane

They always say that those who jump off a bridge regret doing so halfway down.  Even so, as she stared down at the ocean idly from the cliffs by the sewers, she couldn’t help but disagree.  When she had tried, all those years ago, she hadn’t regretted it, but then Alan had come along and rekindled her desire to live, something her therapist said was a very good thing.  The problem was, though, that she wasn’t so sure it was anymore.

Little things tended to set her off.  They reminder her how stupid and useless she really was; no matter how hard she tired, whenever she took one step forward, she always took two back.  She didn’t want to throw herself off of a cliff because of Shane.  That was petty and shallow, even by her standards.  The… _experience_ with him simply reminded her of her faults.  Who was she kidding?  She was ugly, stupid, fat, and worthless.  Her sisters didn’t even bother to call.  Her mom would think she was fatter now than ever, and hell, she was probably right.  She hadn’t even been able to finish her graduate degree, letting one hard class scare her off for good from even attempting it.  What good was she?  She had barely gotten her job at Joja, and she had quit it too quickly; there was no way she could go back, even if she wanted to.  Years of self-doubt and hatred flooded into her very being as she crumpled unseeingly onto the grass, feed now hanging off the cliff.  Tears flooding from her eyes as she leaned back and stared up at the sky.  It would be so easy, so simple.  She wanted to just end it so badly, but she couldn’t.  She was such a coward.  She always told herself that it was because she didn’t want to leave the dogs alone, but if that was true, then she would have found a place for them already.  Or she would have asked her sister to take them or… something.

The sky darkened above her, rain slowly beginning to drip onto her tan skin.  She welcomed the cold as she sat, unmoving and unblinking.  Soon, she was soaked to the bone as the rain fell more and more quickly.  She just watched the now grey, choppy waves crash into the small beach before the cliffs.  It was what, a hundred-foot drop?  From that distance, she’d certainly die.  Falling onto water was like falling onto concrete at that distance.  Even if the fall itself didn’t kill her, the water would.  She’d be knocked unconscious and drown, at the least.

She wasn’t sure how long she sat there, next to the entrance of the sewer.  After a while, she stopped feeling the cold, and her body went numb.  Maybe she’d end up dying of hypothermia, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.  It wasn’t until she heard a muffled sob that she was jolted from her own self-pity.  She stood weakly, her legs shaking from being still for so long.  Another one came, and she climbed up the ladder, and made her way past several trees.  She searched until she saw him; Shane.

“Oh Yoba,” she breathed before running over to him and shaking his shoulders desperately.  “Shane!  Shane!  Wake up!  Are you alright?  Shane!”

“…Liz.”  Her groaned.  “I… I’m sorry…”  He hiccoughed and she gently stroked his hair, on her knees next to him.

“It’s okay,” she reassured him softly though she was still worried.  There were several dozen cans of beer around him; she didn’t know which were empty and which were full, but she knew he had been drinking entirely too much.  Enough to have alcohol poisoning.  She needed to get him to Harvey’s.

“M… My life…” his words brought her attention back to him.  “It’s a pathetic joke… Look at me…  Why do I even try?  I’m too small and stupid to… to take control of my life… I’m just a p… piece of soiled garbage flittering in the wind…”  he burped loudly as tears ran down his face, mixing with the rain.  Liz let out a soft sob of her own and her hands fisted themselves in his hair.  “I’ve been coming here often lately… looking down… Here’s a chance to finally take control of my life… These cliffs…”

Her heart raced as she immediately went to grab at him, at his shoulders, forcing him into a sitting position and wrapping her arms tightly around his waste, her head buried in his shoulder as her body was wracked with sobs, much more noticeable now.  This was about him, she knew, but she couldn’t help but feel scared.  She didn’t want him to die; she wasn’t prepared for that.  She didn’t think she’d ever be.

“B… bu…” he hiccoughed again.  “…but I’m too scared, too anxious.  Just like always…”

“That’s a good thing, Shane.  Even if it doesn’t feel like it sometimes,” she reassured him softly, still holding onto him tightly.

“Lizzy… All I do is work, sleep, and drink… t… to dull the feelings of self-hatred.  Why should I even go on?  Tell me… T… Tell me why I shouldn’t roll off this cliff right now…”

She began to stroke his hair again and rub his back soothingly; he was like a limp doll in her arms, and that concerned her more than anything else.  She had gotten stronger from working on the farm, but there was still no way she’d be able to carry him to Harvey’s all by herself; she needed him to help her, to want to come with her because there was no way in _hell_ she was going to leave him alone.

“J-Jas needs you,” she managed, stifling her own cries.  “You’re like a father to her.  You’re all she has, Shane,” she continued gently.  “A-And I need you too.  Please.  Please don’t leave us all alone.”

“…You’re right.  Jas… Ugh, God… I’m a horrible,” he hiccoughed yet again, “selfish person.  Now I feel even worse…”

Frustrated tears ran down her face, and she shook her head.  “No.  It should make you feel loved, Shane.  Jas loves you, Marnie loves you… I love you.  Please, come home.”

“Lizzy… I think you should take me to the hospital now.”

She nodded and positioned herself on her knees.  She managed to haul him upwards and placed one of his arms around her shoulders while her own was around her waist.  “I’m going to need you to walk with me then,” she managed, trying to put on a calm face.  This was important; she needed to get him to Harvey’s and get him there _now_.  She could already feel the violent tremors going through his body.  She didn’t want to think about what those meant, she simply half dragged him through the forest and into town.  She managed to make it to the doctor’s before gently setting him on the step and pounding on the door.

“Harvey!  Please!  I need your help!  It’s Shane!  Please Harvey!  Please!”

The doctor came done quickly, in his aero plane pajamas nonetheless and ushered the pair in, helping her place him onto a bed.

“What happened?”

She filled him in on the details, and he did an examination effectively.  Shane needed a stomach pump and some IV fluids.  He whipped the man’s wrist down and started the IV, and Liz ran as if her life depended on it, making her way to Robin’s where she unceremoniously banged on the door until a disgruntled Demetrius answered.  His tone changed quickly, though, at her explanation, and soon she and Maru were sprinting to town.

She paced in the waiting room, her clothing making a puddle on the floor as she did so, but she didn’t care.  It felt like days until Maru came out, looking exhausted but smiling.  “He’ll be alright.”

She collapsed into a heap of tears, and the brown-haired woman fetched a towel, drying her hair as she spoke in gentle, soothing tones.  Lizzy managed to calm herself down, reminding herself that this was about Shane, not herself as she took calming breaths and thanked Maru, the girl leaving to go back to bed.

Harvey beckoned her in a few moments later.  “I’ve pumped his stomach and rehydrated him.  He’ll be fine.  He won’t wake for a few more hours, so why don’t you go home and get some rest.  Come back in the morning to visit, alright?”

She nodded, whispering a soft “thank you,” before making her way home.  The dogs yipped excitedly when the saw her before running outside to pee; she had left soon after dinner to go think.  She wiped their paws and showered, changing into a tank top and underwear before settling into bed.  “Thank Yoba he’s alright,” she whispered before the sobs began again.

When she visited in the morning, he was awake and Marnie was there with Jas.  They were talking animatedly, so she left, not wanting to disturb them.  He seemed… happy, if not a bit sheepish.  But, he was smiling.  That was all that mattered.

When she returned later that evening, she learned that he had been discharged already.  While she was happy that he had, she was also slightly disappointed; she had wanted to see him, after all, to make sure that he was okay.  That he was _really_ okay.  He must have been, though, for Harvey to release him, she reminded herself as she walked back towards the farm.  She couldn’t help but worry, useless as it was, so she distracted herself with farm work for the rest of the evening, managing to finish the fence for the chickens and all of the weeding and watering for the next day, even.  By the time she flopped into bed, she was too exhausted to think, let alone worry.

************

As he trudged up the path the next morning, he was struck by how long it had been since he had visited her.  A few weeks wasn’t long, per say, but after seeing her on a daily basis, it felt like it.  He had been a total ass; Jas had been begging to go and see Lizzy for weeks, but he had refused and for what?  His own damned pride.  He ran a hand through his dark brown locks as he made his way up the creaking steps of the porch.  Would she even forgive him?  He couldn’t remember much, but from what Harvey had told him once he had woken up, the whole situation hadn’t been pretty.  He was lucky that she had stumbled upon him; if she hadn’t, he probably would have rolled off of the cliff like he had apparently threatened to do.  Why she had been out that late, he wasn’t sure.  From what he _did_ remember, though, was that she hadn’t looked… well.  She had been pale, and her lips were blue.  And she had been crying because of him; that much was obvious.

He checked he watch and sighed.  It was early; five thirty to be exact.  But, he woke up early after sleeping so much; Harvey had suggested that he keep the exercise light, but as long as he was feeling alright, he could get up and move around.  Since he had woken up with the unmistakable feeling that he needed to apologize, he figured it wouldn’t hurt to go do that.  Before leaving, he left a note for Marnie on the kitchen table, where he was sure she’d find it.  She’d understand; she knew who dragged him in, after all.

When he raised his fist to knock, he hesitated.  What if she didn’t want to see him?  What if she was so angry at him that she never wanted to see him again?  He’d have to talk to her eventually.  His hand still shook, however, as he raised it to the door and knocked once, twice, thrice.  The dogs barked loudly from inside, scratching on the door, and a tired voice tried to calm them from within before the door opened.

God, she was beautiful.  Her brown hair was sticking up, rather like an afro, and her skin had red marks on it from where she had laid on the sheets for too long.  There was obvious grey bags under her eyes, but her lips were pink and looked absolutely soft.  He glanced down along her body, and a light blush covered his cheeks.  She was wearing a dark blue tank top and her panties; nothing else.  Despite having slept with the woman several times, he couldn’t help but stare for a moment before his gaze shot back up to those chocolate brown eyes.  She looked exhausted, and he felt bad for waking her.

“I thought you’d be up already,” he said slowly.  She just stared at him in response, wobbling slightly on her legs as the dogs darted from behind her, giving him a greeting before running into the yard to sniff and pee.  “Hey…” he began, his gaze leaving her eyes and moving to her bare feet as he shoved his hands into its pockets.  “Oh man… Uh… How do I say this?  I’m really sorry about what happened at the cliffs.  That was… embarrassing…”  He paused for a second, gaze flitting up to her own, which was unreadable, before going back to her feet.

“I… I’m just happy you’re still here,” she said softly, her voice almost a whisper.  He glanced back up in time to see her close her eyes tightly, wiping a tear that was making its way down her pink cheek.

“Wow, it was that serious, huh?  I can hardly remember…”  His hand combed through his dark hair for a moment before he continued.  “I’ve decided I want to see a therapist.  Harvey got me in touch with a colleague of his…  Anyway… I just wanted to thank you for taking care of me.  And I wanted you to know that I’m going to be taking things a little more seriously from now on.  I don’t want to be a burden on anyone…”

“You are never a burden, Shane,” she interrupted softly, causing for his gaze to move back up to her.  “I… I’m just glad you’re okay.  I’m so, so glad…” Tears began to roll down her cheeks again, and a sob wracked her body.  She hid her face with her hands, and he stood, a bit awkwardly, unsure of what to do.  He felt a cool nose nudge him, and he looked back to see Toby staring anxiously at him, and then Liz.  He nudged him again, and Shane got the point, stepping hesitantly to her and wrapping his arms around her, resting his chin on her head as she cried.

Suddenly, her hands gripped onto the front of his jacket, and she buried her head in his shoulder, incomprehensible words falling from her lips into his jacket as he hushed her.  She was shaking like a leaf, and he soon realized that she wasn’t… well.  Her breath was coming in and out of her body quickly, and she was mumbling as the tears ran down her cheeks into her jacket.  He gently let go of her, and she almost toppled over.  He picked her up and carried her inside, thanking Yoba that carrying those feed bags made him strong enough to do so, and placed her on the bed.  She wouldn’t let _go_ of him, so he settled in next to her, holding her as her body shook, hands smoothing her unruly hair as he whispered in her ear.

“It’s okay, Liz.  It’s alright,” he mumbled.  Should he go get Harvey?  Her hands were cold, and he forced one off of his jacket, warming it in one of his own as he continued to whisper.  “I’m right here, I promise.”

It took some time, but she eventually calmed down enough that she was just sniffling instead of bawling.  The dogs had followed them inside, and though they were worried, they left the couple to themselves, settling for laying along their owner’s back to offer whatever comfort they could.

“You’re an idiot,” she managed after several moments.  She didn’t look at him; she mumbled that into his shoulder as her arms snaked around his back, pulling him closer to her.  “You’re an idiot, you know that?”  He didn’t respond, just letting her talk and grateful that it was over.  “I would miss you if you…” a shudder ran through her body.  “I’d miss you so much.  And so would Jas and Marnie and…”  She took a deep breath.  “We love you, Shane.”

“I know.”  He managed to force the words through his lips, though he wasn’t sure that he would be able to.  A few tears of his own slipped down his unshaven cheeks, and he hiccoughed.  She pulled back and wiped them away, unthinkingly, as if it was second nature to her, and he couldn’t help but lean into her touch.  “I’m getting help, I promise,” he whispered softly, the guilt of what he had put this poor woman through hitting him like a sledge hammer.  “You won’t have to deal with that again; I promise.”

“I’d deal with it a hundred times,” she answered immediately.  “You’re worth it.  I mean it.”

The words broke his heart, shattering it into a million pieces.  He couldn’t explain why, but the thought o someone loving him seemed impossible; why would they?  He was useless as far as, well, anything was concerned.  Why would anyone love him?  It conflicted with everything he had been thought through the years; hell, even his parents hadn’t loved him.  They’d told him so on numerous occasions.  It went against everything he knew; against how his brain even worked.  And it was terrifying to even think about going against that; what would like be like?  How would he survive like that?  Was it even possible?  He closed his eyes and just breathed, trying his best to shut out those thoughts, the fruity scent of her shampoo filling his mind.  All of a sudden, he was exhausted.  He shifted a bit so that he was more firmly on the bed and pressed up against her, and he closed his eyes, arms still wrapped around her.  She seemed to understand what he needed and just rubbed up and down his back before the movements slowed.  Soon enough, her soft snoring filled the room and he was finally able to drift off himself.

*************

When she woke up for the second time, she felt much better than she had the night prior.  Granted, being out in the cold the night before had taken its toll; her body felt weak, and she was sure she was coming down with a cold.  But, mentally at least, she felt much, much better.  She opened her eyes blearily, allowing them to focus on the man that was holding her.  This wasn’t so bad; he was certainly a good man, despite what he thought himself.  He had his similarities to Alan, but he was also much, much different.  And she was grateful.  When Alan was alive, she wouldn’t have given him up for anything, but he was still… exhausting.  They had started dating when she was so young, before she had been able to fully explore the world and figure out who she was.  As time went on, her love for him grew, but she couldn’t help but feel weighed down by their relationship, like he was keeping her from doing what she wanted and needed to do.  For herself.  When he had died, she had tormented herself because of those thoughts.  Her family had been too smart to leave her alone, so she hadn’t been able to do anything, but she wanted more than anything to join him or at least end her own existence.  Life hadn’t been worth living without him.

And, she wasn’t sure if it was.  She was a hypocrite to say the least; she told Shane one thing but practiced another herself.  She was convinced that her life wasn’t worth it.  No one besides her dogs would miss her.  Years of therapy and attempted meds hadn’t been able to change her mind either, only help her ignore them.  Was it even worth trying to think otherwise?  She didn’t think so.  Maybe, it would be best for Shane if she distanced herself.  Left before he knew to miss her.  At least when she did die, he wouldn’t care.

His eyes opened and met hers, a rare smile crossing his face as they did.  Sleepily, his hand brushed through her hair, then across her cheek, then down her neck.  It continued down her body until it settled on her hip.  She couldn’t help the stab of pain that pierced her heart when he nuzzled his face into her neck and kissed her softly there.  “Beautiful.”  Her mind stopped, and a look of shock was frozen on her face as he moved his head upwards, kissing her cheek softly.

She sat up and scooted her body away from him quickly, blood rushing to her face as she blushed.  “I… I…” She stammered.  “…I’m not.  But thank you.”  She looked away from him, not wanting to see the look on his face as she climbed out of the bed, mentally cursing herself when she realized what exactly she was wearing.  He noticed, she decided as she glanced over at him seconds later.  The way he was looking her up and down told her so.  Christ.  She thought she’d learn after the first time, but apparently not.  A sigh left her, and she buried her face into her hands, leaning against the bedframe.  The bed creaked, and a warm hand tentatively clasped her shoulder.

“You are,” he said simply, other hand moving to force her own down, eyes opening to look into serious brown eyes.  Her breath caught in her lungs as she stared openly at him.  His gaze kept on flickering to her lips and back up to her eyes, making her swallow.  He leaned in, and her mind went blank as her eyes fluttered closed.  And he kissed her.  It was gentle.  Soft and sweet.  He was hesitant, unsure as he kissed her.  He didn’t want to push her; that much was obvious.  She couldn’t help but respond, turning her body fully towards him and wrapping her arms around his neck.  She kissed him back, just as sweetly, just as unsurely, just as gently.  He seemed to take it as encouragement and relaxed, allowing her to deepen the kiss, tilting her head to the side and gently swiping her tongue across his lips, begging for entrance.  His mouth opened, and she explored it, running her tongue across his teeth and rubbing it against his own as he did his own exploration on her.  His hand reached up to cup her breast, and she shivered.  He sucked on her bottom lip, allowing his teeth to rake across it gently, enough to bruise but not enough to draw blood.  She let out a low noise at the feeling, encouraging him to do more.  She ground her hips against him, and he groaned himself, breaking the kiss and pulling away, panting.  He stared into her eyes, his own full of desire, of want.  She couldn’t deny that she felt the same; her body was attracted to this man like it had been to no other, not even Alan.  He tangled his fingers in her hair and kissed along her neck, biting down on a spot that made her see stars before suckling.

And then he pulled away, gasping for breath and pants tented.  He ran his fingers across her cheek bone, kissing her one, final time before stepping out of her embrace.  “You said… You said you didn’t want it like this,” he reminded, trying to be gentle.

“What if I changed my mind,” she protested before she could stop herself, before her brain could remind her that she needed to stay away, for his sake.

He looked at her seriously before shaking her head.  “I’ve got to head back to the ranch anyways.  Marnie is probably worrying about me.”  Her shoulders slumped slightly in disappointment as he pressed a chaste kiss to her forehead.  “I’ll see you later, Lizzy.”

“Yeah.  See you later, Shane.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone have suggestions on how my writing style can improve? It's been years since I last wrote something, so I would greatly appreciate any advice! Thanks!


	13. Chapter 13: Help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is pretty dark, so please be careful when reading this!

_Her hands shook and she licked her lips as she scared at the dimly lit screen of her laptop.  Before she could stop herself, she clicked the “chat” button and waited.  A message popped up on the screen._

Thank you for coming into chat; we will be with you as soon as possible. Please be patient until a counselor can join the conversation.

_She glanced nervously at Alan who was sitting next to her.  She was angled away from him; he was playing a video game and not paying her any attention, which suited her just fine.  She had tried to talk to him about it before, but he just started sobbing and left the apartment.  She hadn’t had the energy to go after him, so she just sat there until he walked back in a few moments later, apologizing and retreating to their bedroom where he stayed until she texted him to come out an hour later._

Hi, Lizzy.  _A message flashed across the screen again._ Can you tell me why you’re talking with us today?

 _She typed back a message.  It was short._ I think I need inpatient therapy, but I’m afraid that I’ll get turned away because my problems aren’t serious enough.  I’m also scared that my insurance won’t be accepted.

_She waited._

Can you tell me what’s making you think about inpatient therapy?  That is a big decision.

_The brunette sighed softly, the noise soft enough that Alan didn’t notice, thank Yoba.  She began to type back.  Was this even helpful?  She knew that there was another, real person behind the messages, but it almost seemed superficial, like a robot was talking to her instead.  She needed it, though.  Inpatient therapy was her only option right now; she wasn’t sure that she’d be able to hold back from hurting herself right now.  She had never cut before, and she usually wrote on herself with a pen.  But, lately…_

_She also had a plan.  There was this perfect spot coming home from school via the interstate.  Just an accidental drive off the cliff, and it’d all be over.  No more worrying…_

_Inpatient therapy would do the same thing.  She wouldn’t have the physical opportunity to hurt herself, to kill herself.  That sounded… nice.  No more having to hold back.  She was barely restraining herself as it was; any longer and she_ would _do something.  It was like an itch she needed to scratch.  She could only write on herself for so long.  She usually pressed down with the pen so hard that it hurt; she could only imagine what relief it would be to use a knife instead._

_She needed it, she decided moments later, glancing at Alan as he cursed softly, controller tapping against his leg.  If she was being honest, it would be a relief to be away from Alan for a while, to be able to express her emotions without wondering if it would make him explode in a fit of tears or rage.  To not have to comfort him instead of focusing on herself.  The decision itself took a big weight off of her chest.  The hardest part would be the looks on the teachers faces when she withdrew from their classes, however.  One had been so… generous with her grades.  He believed in her so much that it hurt.  He honestly thought she could do it.  But all she had been doing was using Chegg to look up answers to the homework problems because it was all way over her head.  It was hopeless.  It was causing anxiety attacks.  She couldn’t do it.  She needed out, and fast._

_************_

She stared at her computer again, years later, and sighed softly.  She was a hypocrite of the worst kind; she couldn’t do it.  The need to hurt herself was just too strong; she was too far gone.  Normally, she had a good hold on herself; she was much more a logical person than an emotional one.  She could usually force herself into talking to someone about her feelings.  Not this time, though.  There was no point; it was a cycle, go in, get out, be okay for a period of time, go in, get out…

The dogs though.  When Alan was here, at least she didn’t have to worry about that.  Now, however… she had three of them.  She couldn’t just dump them on someone, and she refused to take them to a shelter.  They’d be separated, and she never wanted to put them through that again.  Shane needed a dog, something to look after.  Maybe she’d leave this place to him with the condition that he take care of the dogs and cat.  He’d do it, she knew.  But, would he be hurt by her death?  She closed her eyes and breathed through her nose, forcing them to be steady.  Probably.  It was a surprise, but it was also a disappointment.  How do you even ask something like that, anyway?  “Hey, Shane, I know you almost killed yourself a few days ago, but would you care if I died?”  Like that wouldn’t set off some alarm bells in his brain.  Or send him into some sort of relapse.  It was just as difficult when she had debated on talking to her best friend about going into inpatient therapy.  She had eventually decided against it, not wanting to scare her friend and not wanting to disappoint her.  Not that she would have been, but that was the thing.  She felt like a disappointment.  To everyone.  All the time.  All of these people had believed in her, and for what?  For her to quit and become a farmer, cut all ties and move as soon as things got difficult.  To give up.  To quit on her hopes and dreams.  Because of a single fucking class.  Well, not just the class, but still.  She was hopeless.  Even her best had never been good enough.  No matter what she did, she was never good enough.

She opened her email and sent a quick message to her lawyer, telling him what she wanted changed in her will.  She had never gotten around to changing it since she had inherited the farm.  Adding the clause wouldn’t be too big of a deal; she’d just sign the new will electronically and be done with it.  It’d only take a few days.

Toby nudged her foot with his head before laying between her legs, head resting on her hips.  He always seemed to be able to sense when she was upset.  She smiled sadly and pet him gently.  If everything turned out all right, she’d just… go missing.  No one would ever find out that she died.

The plan was simple, if she was honest.  Chain herself to something heavy and jump off the cliff and into the ocean.  She’d make Marnie and Shane watch the animals, say she was going out of town or something.  When she doesn’t return after a few days, well…

She swallowed.  Hard.  Her eyes squeezed themselves shut.  Death was still a scary idea, unfortunately.  She honestly longed for the times when she wasn’t afraid, when she could just do it and have no regrets.  It was human, she supposed.  As long as she had enough guts to jump, no one would know any better if she regretted it halfway down.  It’d be too late; she’d tie up her hands to make sure she wouldn’t be able to get herself out of it.  Just in case.  That’d work, right?

A sick feeling knotted itself in the pit of her stomach.  She wanted to throw up, to run, to find someone, _anyone_.  But what would it matter?  She’d just get accused of overreacting.  Like all those years before.  She needed to act normal.  She needed to act like nothing was wrong; if she didn’t, people would get suspicious.  They’d throw her in the hospital.  She’d be watched for months.  She’d have to fake it to escape; people would walk on eggshells around her for the rest of her life.  They’d all know.  They’d all pity her.  They’d all think she was a baby.

She took a deep, shuddering breath and all of a sudden, a pair of arms were around her, pulling her into a warm chest, fingers wiping tears she didn’t even know had fallen.  Her eyes snapped open, and sounds flooded into her brain, almost as if a switch had been flipped turning her ears back on. Soothing, comforting noises were being made, and she couldn’t help but stiffen, couldn’t help but try to pull away.  Had she said something out loud?  How much had they heard?  Who…?

“Shane.”

Work calloused hands rubbed up and down her back.  His cheek was pressed up against her head.  Why was he comforting her?  He was the one that needed to be comforted; he was the one whose life was worth living.  He needed support to keep on going.  She should be comforting _him_ , not the other way around.  She didn’t deserve it.  The thought almost caused her to burst back into a fresh set of tears.  She held it back, imagining the emotion being shoved into a chest and buried deep, deep underground.  It helped a little.  She moved to pull away, but he ignored her, half picking her up and forcing her onto his lap, arms still around him.  His breath was coming steadily; he was much better at handling this sort of thing than Alan.  She was impressed.  It was almost enough.  Almost enough to get her to spill her guts to him, tell him all of the nasty thoughts that were running through her brain.  Almost.

“Shane,” she managed.  “I’m alright.  You can let me go now.”

He loosened his grip just enough to pull back and look at her.  She refused to meet his eyes, instead staring past him at the wall.  He let out a loud huff and ran a hand through his hair.

She wasn’t okay.  He would have to be blind and an idiot not to see that.  Who did she think she was fooling?  Even before he had… well, she hadn’t been alright.  He could see it.  She was usually like the sun, so bright it was blinding.  So bright she could make you forget about your own shadows, even if only for a moment.  But lately, her brightness was dimming.  Lately, it was pretty much not there.  He had brought it up in his first therapy meeting earlier that day.  He couldn’t help it; the therapist had asked what was bothering him right now after the normal introductory crap, so he spilled.  He was worried.

She had depression; he knew that.  He had once noticed her meds on the kitchen table, but lately, it was getting worse.  She didn’t even have the energy to fake being alright any more.  He had almost said something to Harvey today on the way back, but he hesitated.  Maybe it was his fault.  Maybe she seemed worse than usual because of the stress of, well, finding him.  It probably added to it, but he didn’t think that was all of it.  Not by a long shot.  She wasn’t looking at him.  She seemed burnt out.  The tears were still streaking down her face regardless.  He needed her to focus, to focus on him.  On the here and now.  So he did what he could.  He kissed her.

It was a nervous kiss.  He was sure she was going to push him off and call him an idiot, but hey.  That would be an improvement to what he walked in to.  She hadn’t heard him; she’d been rocking back and forth on the ground, tears streaming down her face.  A quick glance at her laptop showed a recently sent email.  He didn’t read it, but the title stood out: “My Will.”  He didn’t know how that didn’t give him a heart attack.  So he kissed her praying to a god he didn’t believe in that she’d snap out of it, that she’d come back to the present.  That that email didn’t mean what he thought it meant.

Her lips didn’t move against his, so he tried to deepen it, running his hands up and down her back, suckling on her lower lip.  He brought his hand to cup her breast, trying to get some kind, any kind, of reaction out of her.  His thumb ghosted over her nipple.  She jolted.  He did it again.  She melted into him, her lips responding in time to his own, her body leaning against his.  She pressed her breast into his hand, begging for him to continue, and he did, just relieved that she was coming back to him, that she was reacting.

She pressed against him, causing his body to teeter to the floor.  She climbed on top of him, her weight settling on his hips, eliciting a groan as she ground into them.  His continued its motions while the other slipped into her pants, feeling her surprising wetness, causing her to gasp as he reached his destination.  He reluctantly forced his eyes open and stared at her; her own were shut as she ground against his dick.  He pulled away from the kiss, dropping his hands, and she whined in protest, kissing along his neck and nipping at his pulse points.  One particularly hard nip forced his hands into her hair, pulling her back.  “Liz,” he warned, his voice scratchy and deep, lips bruised red from her kisses.  “You don’t want this.”

His words seemed to send a message because she suddenly sat up, no longer grinding against his now painfully hard member and lips leaving his neck.  “It doesn’t matter,” she finally said.  “It doesn’t matter.  I won’t be ar…”  She seemed to catch herself on something and stopped.  He took the time to examine her neck, it being surprisingly and disappointingly bare of the kiss marks he had desperately tried to leave a few days prior.  He’d have to remedy that someday, if she’d let him.  He stopped to ponder what the thoughts meant; he already had known that he liked her in the more-than-friends way, but he hadn’t thought himself worthy of her until a few days ago.  Seeing her cry over him, however, had woken up some part of him that hadn’t been awake before.  It screamed that she cared for him and thought he was worth it, so why didn’t he?  It was a pretty good question; one he didn’t have an answer for but hopefully would later.

“You’re not that kind of girl,” he reminded.  “You want something… more.”  This wasn’t like her at all.  She was usually so shy, so nervous.  It worried him even more, and he peered into her dull brown eyes as if trying to solve the mystery though them.

“Then be my something more,” she half snapped, seemingly not realizing her words until his eyes went wide.  She opened her mouth, as if to take it back, and then shut it, a blush coating her pale cheeks as she turned her head to the side, refusing to look at him.

It was a pretty good idea, he mused.  He knew he liked her, and she obviously liked him.  They both liked to fuck, which was also pretty good.  And maybe he’d have an excuse to keep an eye on her.  He didn’t want to call Harvey just yet; he wasn’t sure.  But if he was around her more, she wouldn’t be able to keep something from him for too long.  Hell, maybe he’d even move in for a few days.  Joja in its generosity, had given him two weeks off because of the “incident.”  He was pretty sure that Harvey had forced their hand, being his primary doctor and all, but he was grateful nevertheless.

“Fine,” he managed, and she was surprised.  “But, I get to stay here until I go back to work.”  To his surprise, she simply nodded in agreement.  He pressed his lips back against hers for a soft, brief moment before sitting up, moving her off of him, and standing up.  “I’d better go get my stuff, then,” was all he said before rushing out, his face a bright, cherry red.  Maybe the stay would help her; maybe she’d be able to sort out whatever was going on.  Maybe she’d trust him enough to confide in him.  Maybe he could help her the way that she always helped him.

************

When he returned, she was out in the fields weeding her plants.  She had a good enough sprinkler system that she didn’t have to water them anymore, saving her a bunch of time.  The chickens she had ordered from Marnie would be ready to leave the incubator in the next few days.  He could already tell that she was going to take excellent care of them; she was an animal lover for sure.

After depositing his suit case in the bedroom, he went outside and knelt next to her, pulling out pieces of grass that had sprouted but leaving the rest to her; he honestly couldn’t tell the difference between a pumpkin plant or a week, but he at least knew grass when he saw it.  She was laying out the larger pieces to dry to use as hay, or so she told him when he yanked out a rather large handful.  She rotated where she weeded since she planted so many crops that season; it had only been a week since she had last visited this spot, but it was pretty bad already.

Her brain seemed to be on autopilot, and he sighed.  At least she wasn’t crying anymore.  He wasn’t sure what about her made him act so… differently, but he did know that he wanted to see her smile more than anything else.  And lately, she hadn’t been smiling.  Part of it was probably his fault, but he was more than willing to try and make up for it in any way that he could.  He leaned over and pressed a chaste kiss to her cheek, causing for her face to flush as she glanced up at him and then back to the plants.  He grinned.  Maybe this week would do them both some good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this weekend, I'm probably going to be gone for a bit. I'll update as soon as I can afterwards, though! Sorry guys!


	14. Chapter 14: Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is once again depressing! Hopefully they will lighten up after this one.

This was a bad idea.  She decided this when it was way too late; he was back with a bag of his stuff, already heading into the house and putting them down.  She didn’t acknowledge him, almost hoping that he was some figment of her imagination; that he’d disappear as soon as she turned.  He didn’t, though, and even if he didn’t talk, he was being extraordinarily helpful, plucking the stray strands of grass from her crops by the roots and placing the longer pieces in the basket she had next to her.  The regular weeds went into a different one; chickens could pretty much eat anything, but she still wanted to make sure that they were okay; her parents chickens enjoyed the grass clippings they threw over after mowing, she figured hers would too.  If not, maybe she could repurpose it as a hay substitute for their bedding?  It’d take a lot, but a quick survey of her crops showed that she’d probably have no problem with that, though maybe she should ask Shane about it first.

A glance at him showed how concerned he was.  His brows were scrunched, and a frown was set on his face as he plucked at the grass.  She let out a huff before taking off her gloves and handing them to him.  He stared at her questioningly, and she turned a light shade of pink.  “You’re not used to gardening; put them on.  They’ll protect your hands.”  He nodded and did so, and she wiped her brow before a sudden wave of guilt came over her and she sighed, shoulders caving inwards and knees hunching up to her chest.  Her eyes closed, and she didn’t open him when a hand slowly rested on her shoulders.  “I’m sorry,” she said quietly, fighting to cage the feelings that were attempting to rip themselves out of her chest.  “You just got out of the hospital, Shane.  You don’t need all this.”  She gestured to herself a bit angrily before her arms flopped back down to her sides.

“It’s only fair if I return the favor,” he managed after a moment, his other hand running through his hair despite the quite literally dirty glove.

The role was not one she was used to; she had always been the one to have to suppress her feelings around Alan; Yoba forbid that she actually had any feelings other than happiness.  Anything else would shatter him; he always believed everything was his fault, and, at the time of his death, she had given him a probably unfair ultimatum: get therapy or get out.  Hindsight of course, was always perfect, and she discovered that while he made her happy, the bad times were starting to weigh more than the good; it had been frustrating to not be able to trust him with everything, to tell him her most important thoughts and fears because he would burst into tears.  In some sick and twisted way, she was glad that he had died; she hadn’t had to break up with him like she knew she would have.  He wasn’t even trying to fulfill his end of the deal, but it wasn’t fair for her to think of him that way, was it?  He had been a good man, who only wanted to make her smile.  His goal each day was to do just that; who cared if he had his ups and downs?  They could have worked things out.  They _had_ been engaged, after all.

The ring was gathering dust at the bottom of her dresser drawer.  It was a simple white gold band with an infinity sign, to show their “infinite love.”  Not that her love for Alan had ever ended; just her patience.  Even though she had been wanting to break up with him, she still loved him.  She just didn’t think that he thought she was worth it, that they were worth it.  Involving children, ones that he wanted _so_ badly wouldn’t be fair when she could barely get him to _allow_ her to have feelings.  How would their child feel when their father wouldn’t allow them to express themselves?  What if they had questions?  What if they needed to talk?  What if they felt strained?  What if they had depression and needed to talk?  For someone to notice?  Alan would have been a ticking time bomb; at any moment he’d cry.  Their child would feel guilty and…  But she loved him.  Still, even though he had so many issues.  And she missed him.  Desperately.  What she would give to have his arms around her just one more time or to hear one of his shitty puns.  What she wouldn’t do to hear his laugh.  She missed him so, so much.

She didn’t realize how long she had been sitting there, shoulders hunched and body tense.  All she knew was that he let her sit there, thinking until he decided that she had thought enough.  A strong arm pulled her back into a firm chest gently.  She sat there for a moment and then another.  She didn’t really want to think anymore, or to speak.  So, she didn’t.  She just sat there.  And he didn’t make her speak, didn’t cry out or freak out when she didn’t.  He just sat there and rubbed her shoulders, chin resting on top of her head.  When tears started to pour down her face, he wiped them away gently before picking her up and carrying her inside.  She just sat there as he busied himself inside her kitchen, heating up water in her kettle.  The next thing she knew, a cup of tea was being pressed into her hands.  She took a sip after a moment, the water scolding her tongue.  He sat next to her, looking at her nervously as she stared emptily at the tea in her hands.  A hand stroked her shoulder.  She didn’t care.  She felt empty, hollow.  Her plan was finally fully thought out.  She had plenty of chains; she could rope her own hands together easily enough.  Surely it wouldn’t be that hard.

A face on her chin reminded her of the person sitting next to her.  Why did he care?  Why was he here?  It wasn’t like she was anyone important, anyone that mattered.  He tilted her head up to look into his eyes, his normally shielded gaze full of concern.  She looked away immediately, not wanting to see it, and he let out a soft sigh.  She began to feel uncomfortable.  “Do you want to talk about it?”  His voice was hoarse.  She shook her head.  “Are you hungry?”  Another shake.  “Alright.”

He walked to the living room and turned on the television before heading back to her, holding out a hand and leading her to it.  He settled her down on the couch, tucking in blankets around her and sat next to her, turning on some movie to watch.  Neither of them were really watching it but having the space meant a lot; it gave her time to just sit, to feel.  She didn’t feel like she had to talk about it, and it was a relief.  She didn’t want to lie, didn’t want to pretend that she was alright when she wasn’t.  It would be too obvious that she wasn’t.  So, she sat there until the movie ended, her tea cooling in her hands.  And then Shane led her to the bed.  She sat there as he lifted her arms, pulling her out of her dirty shirt and unfastening her bra.  She heard him inhale sharply.  Oh right.  The marks.  Pen didn’t seem to be working lately, so she had gone for something more… effective.  They were barely noticeable, though, and healing.  Apparently not good enough to escape his gaze.  She didn’t care, though.  He’d have to leave eventually, and when he did… A clean one slid over her head a moment later, interrupting her thoughts.  He did the same to her pants and laid her down gently in the bed.  It was too early to be going to bed, but he slid the covers up just the same before settling down next to her on top of the covers.  He simply held her to his chest, one hand under her head and the other stroking her hair.  She inwardly sighed in relief, as she began to fall asleep, the world starting to go black.  Soon enough, it’d always be like this.

He relaxed as she began to snore.  Her face was finally relaxing.  Thank Yoba.  He wasn’t sure what was going on with her, but he was worried.  Hypocritical as it may seem, he wondered if he should call Harvey.  She had briefly mentioned her fear of hospitals in the past, however, so he wasn’t quite sure if that was a good idea.  He needed to talk to someone, though.

Slipping away from her sleeping form, he ventured outside.  He unlocked his phone and brought it to his ear.  “Hey, I’m at Lizzy’s.  Can you come over?”

************

He wiped his brow and groaned.  Figuring out which plants were weeds was… difficult to say the least, so he settled for pulling grass again, gloves on his hands.  The dogs were relaxing in a sunbeam by the porch, seemingly unconcerned that their owner lay inside.  They suddenly bounded south and barked, signaling the arrival of his aunt.

“Did you call me because she’s making you do yardwork?”  Marnie joked as she sat next to him.  He rolled his eyes and shook his head, face heating as he glanced at his hands.  Was this the right thing to do?  Lizzy seemed like a quiet, introverted person.  She probably didn’t want him sharing anything, but…

“No.”  His tone was serious, and as he looked up at his aunt, her smile faded.

“Shane, are you okay?”

“Not really, but that’s not why I asked you to come over.”  She waited.  “Lizzy’s been acting… well… like me.”

************

Waiting was probably the worst idea, he decided a week later as he drove home from his therapist appointment.  Marnie told him bluntly that Liz needed help.  Given her fear of hospitals, though, they had agreed that maybe it’d be best if he tried to get her to open up to him, but the woman needed help, likely more than he himself could give.  His therapist seemed to agree, but the man had pushed for Shane to talk more about his own problems this time.  He said that he needed to focus on himself as well to get better.  He needed to stop trying to save people; people only changed if they wanted to.  He needed to talk to Liz about it at the least; the brunette needed to know that someone cared.  She had been acting strange all week; avoiding him even though they slept in the same bed.  He was always with her; he had made sure of that.  Especially after that last email.  It seemed to almost annoy her, but she also couldn’t seem to bring herself to care enough to scold him.  The more time went on, the hollower she became; she was just going through the motions of life not caring if she actually managed to get things done.  It was the first time that he couldn’t make her laugh or smile, even a little.  He had tried everything he could think of, but she wouldn’t even smile at her pets.  Not even the baby chicks she had got yesterday.  He wasn’t sure if she was going to recover at this point, which left one option.

As he parked his car at the northeast corner of her property and trotted towards her farmhouse, his eyebrows raised at the soft cursing he heard.  He walked behind it and froze.  There was a large rock, and Lizzy.  And chains around the rock.  There was lots of chain leading from the rock as well.  A sickening feeling rose up in his stomach, and he thought he was going to puke.  He had to be wrong; there was no way he was right.  The brunet tried his best to calm himself, to convince himself that what he was seeing could be easily explained away.  There was a problem, though.  He wasn’t an idiot; the cliffs heading straight for the ocean had been his preferred place to kill himself.  The rock and the chains could really only mean one thing.  His thoughts were confirmed when she brought out a pair of hand cuffs, cuffing her ankles together and to several of the chains before taking them off.  There was no other way to explain that.  He rushed towards her and grabbed her hands, pinning them behind her back.  Her surprised shout fell on deaf ears as he hoisted her up, throwing her across his shoulders as he marched his was towards his car.  Was this how she had felt finding him?  So panicked?  So afraid?  If she knew then why was she doing this to him?

She started to struggle, and he put her down, capturing her wrists so that she couldn’t run.  Dull brown eyes looked into his own, panic and shock written across her features.  “Shane, what are you doing?  Let me go!”

“So you can throw yourself off the cliffs and into the ocean?”  He practically snarled back.  She stiffened, not responding.  She was beginning to shut down, her eyes losing whatever little emotion that she had left as she simply hung her head.  “What about your dogs?  What about your cat?  The chickens you just got?  What about me?”

“You’d take care of them,” was her reply, though it was soft.  “And you… you’d be better off without me.”

“You can’t mean that.”

She snapped.  “I do!  Obviously I haven’t been helping you!  Since I came here and started talking to you, you’ve wanted to _kill_ yourself, Shane!  You would be better off without me, if I wasn’t here.  I’m not good for anyone; especially not you.”  Tears streamed down her face and his eyes closed.  He breathed.  They opened.  He started to drag her by the wrists to his car, opening the back door and forcing her in before getting into the driver’s seat.  He started it and headed towards town; it’d be a lot faster than driving.

“Shane, where… where are we going?”  He didn’t reply.  “Shane, you can’t take me to the hospital.  Please.”  He stayed silent.  He looked at her via the review mirror and watched as her eyes grew wide; her body began to tremble like a leaf snatched from its tree because of the wind.  “Please, don’t take me to a hospital!”  She began to sob, her knees pressing against her chest and arms going around them.  “Please; you don’t know what they do to you there; oh Yoba Shane please.  You can’t take me there.  Please!”  His heart broke the more she begged, the more tears ran down her face.  He had to, though.  Her hating him forever would be much better than the alternative.

They pulled up to the hospital; she was still sobbing, so he carried her across his shoulder, ignoring the questioning looks from the mayor, Pierre… everyone could fuck off.  He barged in, thankful that the place was still open and surprising the brunette at the counter.  “Get Harvey, now.”

She did as she was told, and as soon as he appeared, he was all business.  He lead them back to the beds, putting her in one, though she refused to answer any questions; she just drew her knees to her chest again and shook.  Yoba she was shaking so much.  Harvey began to ask him them instead.  He did the best he could.  No, she hadn’t been taking her antidepressants.  He wasn’t sure if she had been hurting herself recently.  The marks on her stomach had been healing, but for how long?.  Yes, she had been functioning before yesterday.  Yes, he knew she had a suicide plan; she had basically admitted to one.  Harvey shooed him to the waiting room as he and Maru put a hospital gown on her.  When he was finally allowed back in the room, she was laying on the bed, blankets up to her hips, and in the fetal position now.  An IV dripped into her via the needle in her inner arm.  Harvey was asking her questions, but she refused to answer.  The frustrated doctor ran a hand through his hair.

“We may need to transfer her to a bigger hospital,” he told the brunet quietly, chewing on the end of his pen in thought.  “She isn’t responding; she’s going to need 24/7 observation, and we can’t do that here.”

“She hates hospitals,” he supplied unhelpfully.

Harvey made a noise.  “Even so… she’s going to need inpatient therapy if she doesn’t… for a lack of better terms, snap out of it.  We don’t have anything like that here.”

Shane paled, but he nodded.  “I’ll take care of things on her end until she gets better,” he offered softly.  “I can also get her things; clothes, shoes, insurance cards…” His hand ran through his hair unconsciously as he stared at her, worrying.

“You did the right thing, Shane.”  The words surprised him; it wasn’t often someone told him that, regardless of the situation.  “Any longer, and…” the doctor sighed.  “I should have known.  She hadn’t come in for a refill of her medication in a long time; I was just hoping that she didn’t need it anymore…”  He clasped the thinner male on the shoulder as the pair stared at her.  Her eyes were open, but she was unseeing.  There wasn’t anything he could do to make him feel better, just like Harvey couldn’t do the same.  There had been signs, obvious signs.

“What hospital are you going to send her to?”

************

He got there after visiting hours, but they made an exception for him.  When they had asked how they knew each other, he had said they were living together, which, while not entirely a lie, wasn’t entirely the truth either.  That made him a domestic partner, apparently, so he was allowed in to see her.  He dropped the bag of her clothing off by the door and walked towards her.  He grimaced.  She had been restrained; her hands and feet were chained to the bed, and a catheter was running from between her legs.  The IV that Harvey had put in was still dripping steadily, though it was likely that they had switched bags by now.  They had had to sedate her, or so the doctor had told him, as they were afraid that she was going to hurt herself in her panic; she had not been happy to go to a bigger hospital when he left.  He could only imagine what she had done once reaching an actual hospital; she was probably terrified.  Part of him was thankful that he didn’t have to see that while the other part cursed himself for being so selfish.  He watched her breathe for a few moments, grateful that he could at least do that, and settled down in the chair next to her.  There was a nurse sitting at the computer in the room, watching him silently as he reached out, grabbing Liz’s hand, and linking their fingers.  His vision swam with unshed tears, and he let out a shaky breath.  And another one.  And soon, tears were running down his cheeks.  He sniffled softly, jolting in surprise when the nurse offered him some tissues and a sad smile.  He took them and stood, scooting the chair as close to her bed as it could be and holding her hand.  He fell asleep that way soon after.

He woke to a horrible beeping sound.  He shot up immediately, moving out of the way as the nurse shook Liz’s shoulders, the woman coming to briefly before falling back unconscious.  A group of other nurses burst in as well as a doctor.  He stood in the corner as they talked, medical terms flying over his head.  Bradycardia was one that was used as they stood, watching as her heart rate fell back again, alerting the scanner.

“She does a lot of farm work every day,” he mentioned softly to the nearest nurse.  “Doing that much exercise slows your heart rate, right?”  He had learned that much when he played gridball in high school.  He wasn’t sure if it counted, but given the contemplative looks on the nurses faces, he guessed that it was right.

“Set the alarm to 35,” the doctor said finally.  “If it goes below that, we’ll have to start treatment.”

As the group rushed out, he settled back into the chair, staring at the brunette as she breathed again.  She tugged on the restraints before groaning in her sleep.  Shane gently pulled the covers up to her shoulders, stroking her hair and pressing a chaste kiss to her forehead before settling down on the chair and closing his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly feel like my writing for Shane was ooc, but there's not a lot of dialogue with him dealing with other people's emotions so...


	15. What Now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is sadsloth96 if ya'll wanna talk? Also, should I rewrite the first few chapters? Prooooobably ah

He felt strained; he was constantly running back and forth from the farm to the hospital.  Marnie had offered to watch the pets while he was gone and even to take care of the farm itself, but he had refused the latter.  Too many questions would be asked about her decision to change the ranch’s hours; besides, it was the busy point of the year where customers too lazy to grow their own feed bought theirs.  Selling heat lamps and heaters would also keep his aunt busy; he just felt guilty he wasn’t able to help her out this year.  No one would question her watching the animals, at least.  Everyone knew that fall was usually harvest time, so it wouldn’t be _too_ suspicious; Liz could have asked him and Marnie to watch them while she worked.  No one had to know that they were spending the night.

She’d been in the ICU for three days; they hadn’t found anything _bad_ in her blood per say, but her blood sugar was apparently acting strangely, necessitating the longer stay.  Today, there were supposed to make a decision on where to put her.  From what the doctors had told him, she’d be in whatever inpatient therapy program they found for at least a week.  Luckily, Shane had enough time left off from Joja to be able to take of her crops for the most of it and the chickens for all of it.  However, harvest time would be coming up for her first batch of pumpkins, and he knew next to _nothing_ about plants.  He could harvest the wild hay she had sprouting everywhere to go into the silo she had hidden in a corner of her farm, but anything else would be… difficult for him to say the least.

She hadn’t talked to him.  She had signed a form, allowing him to know everything that was going on medically, but she hadn’t spoken to him.  Or to anyone when he was in the room.  Not once.  She rarely moved, choosing instead to stare at a spot on the wall tiredly.  Liz slept a lot.  The nurses worried about it; a human shouldn’t be able to sleep for sixteen to twenty hours a day for three days in a row unless she hadn’t slept in a long, long time, and yet, she did.

A flash of purple caught his attention, and he straightened, smiling tiredly as his niece bounded over, the dogs trailing behind.  Surprisingly, all three of them had taking a liking to her, Toby especially.  The dog would let her put bows on his head and even dress him up as long as she pet him every once in a while.  Lucy seemed best at keeping her out of trouble; he had witnessed the dog herd her away from the pond earlier that morning, something he was grateful for.  Lucas just liked to play, chasing her when she ran around

“Uncle Shane, when will Lizzy be back?”  She asked as she knelt next to him, copying him as weeded the plants.  He had gotten better at _that_ part, at least.  Don’t touch any big plants, and you were probably doing the right thing.  He hoped.

“I don’t know, squirt,” he replied.  “Maybe in a week or so.”

She frowned but didn’t complain; she was a good kid.  She had asked a lot of questions about why Lizzy was gone and where she went, but when he hesitated in his answers, she just asked another one, overwhelming him with them all.  So, he was able to pick and choose the ones that he answered.  She talked to Vincent and Penny about everything, but he trusted Penny at least to keep her mouth shut.  Vincent, he wasn’t so sure.  He’d figure out what to say when it got to that point; when people started asking him questions.  That was the sucky part of living in a small town; everyone was up in everyone else’s business.  Gossip spread like wildfire; it was close to impossible to keep anything private.  He had learned that after Emily had approached him a few days after he had left Liz’s after the fight.  Apparently Robin had seen him leave and talked.  She kept asking what they fought about and if she could help.  He liked Emily, he really did, but he just wished she could leave things alone.  When she asked, he hadn’t wanted to talk about it, so he had just ignored her.  She seemed to be hurt but understood, at the least.

A giggle brought him back to the present, and he glanced over to see that the dogs had knocked her over, licking her mercilessly.  He simply grinned and went back to work.  He’d have to hurry if he wanted to get to the hospital in time; the doctors had decided to transfer her later that afternoon, and he was to accompany her.  Because she wanted him to.  He wasn’t sure how to feel about that, but he supposed it was better than being stuck outside, not knowing what was going on.

Once he finished, he corralled his niece into the house for breakfast, having her wash his hands as he washed his own, making them a simple breakfast of cereal.  He had already fed the chicks that morning, so he just needed to shower and head out.  He gently reminded Jas to take the dogs to his aunt before she ran out of the door, shouting something about being late to lessons with Penny, dogs sprinting behind.

He got into the shower and groaned as the hot water ran down his body, soothing his aching muscles.  Farming was hard work; he was so exhausted after it that he usually just went to bed.  It was good for him, in a way.  It helped keep his mind off of beer, something his body had been craving so badly until he decided to spend time with Lizzy.  He was slowly getting used to it, though, and he figured if he got up early enough, he’d be able to do the farming work _and_ go to work at Joja.  He’d have to go back to work in a few days; the work had probably piled up since Morris couldn’t seem to do anything without him.  The man usually just hid in his office or surveyed the floor, judging his workers instead of helping them.  It didn’t help that there were only three employees in the whole store besides the manager: Shane, Sam, and a poor girl named Laura who lived the next town over; an hour drive away.  She was only there to save up money for her college fund; the eighteen-year-old claimed that it was almost done, too.  He hoped for her sake that she could get out of that trash heap as soon as possible.

He himself had never gone to college.  He had wanted to, but he couldn’t afford it.  And then his best friend got pregnant.  After that, he pretty much spent the majority of his time working.  He had managed to get himself sober to help her out; they both usually drank every evening, but with her pregnant, they couldn’t anymore.  So they did other things instead, like picking out baby names or talking about whether or not she should tell the dad.  She did, eventually, and the two ended up getting married right before Jas was born.  And then there was the accident, just a few months later.  Jas didn’t even remember her parents.

He shook his head and dressed quickly.  He didn’t have time for self-pity right now; he needed to get to the hospital, to focus on Lizzy instead of himself.  He wasn’t going to make her his entire world, though.  Not even close; he was just a friend that cared about her.  A friend that slept with her sometimes and liked the way her skin felt against his own.  Yeah, just a friend.  Even if he _did_ feel more, it wouldn’t be fair for either of them to start anything; they needed to heal, to figure out what they wanted in life.  It definitely wouldn’t be fair for her to have to deal with his bullshit, and it wouldn’t be fair for him to have to deal with hers.  Or, that’s what he told himself, at least.  He would put up with any bull for her, but his therapist told him that he needed to start thinking of himself more; to start treating himself like he’d like to treat someone else.  So, he’d try.  He could do that _and_ still help her out, right?

He started the car and turned on the radio, zoning out as he made his nth trip to the hospital.  They were allowing him to transport her, which wasn’t usually a thing.  But, she apparently had protested an ambulance ride by mentioning her lack of funds.  The doctors were able to respect her in that regard, provided that her emergency contact drove her there.  He parked next to the door, turning on his flashers as he quickly moved towards the entrance.  The nurse who had been with them during the days wheeled her out in a wheel chair, typical hospital protocol, and helped her get into the car.  He quickly buckled her seat belt and turned on the car, thanking the nurse before leaving, starting the half an hour drive.  He glanced to the side and took her in.  She was still beautiful, even if her hair was greasy and unwashed.  She also had a large band-aid on her inner elbow from her IV, something that she kept on scratching as she gazed out the window.  He gently took her hand from her arm, causing her to flinch.  He just held it for a moment as he drove, fingers lacing through hers as she relaxed and held on, not too tightly, but enough for him to know that she wanted it.  Her hand shook lightly, and he looked over at her in concern for a brief moment.

“Shane, I’m scared.”

The sentence relieved the tension that had been pooling in his stomach since he drove her to the hospital.  It released the feelings of doubt, the surety that she hated him for what he had done eased.  “I know,” he offered after a moment.  He hesitated.  “Do you want to hear about your farm?”

She didn’t respond verbally this time; she just nodded.  So, he began to talk.  To tell her about her crops, the problems he had with the weeds.  He let her know that he had been sleeping over with the dogs and that Jas had been coming over to play with the dogs.  He babbled about the town gossip, even.  He didn’t stop until he pulled up to the building and parked; he would walk her in himself.  He turned and grabbed a bag of her clothing he had placed into the car.  It followed all of the stupid rules: no strings of any kind.  The clothes were comfortable to wear, but they weren’t too sturdy either.  They were warm too, since she wouldn’t be given any sheets or bedding; apparently there were lots of ways someone could kill themselves with them.  He shuddered slightly at the thought, climbing out of the car and opening her door.  He unbuckled her seat belt and waited.  Her head was down, eyes glued to her lap.  She took a deep breath and looked up, smiling weakly before turning her body and setting her feet down on the pavement.  She stood shakily, walking towards the door hurriedly, almost like she was afraid of changing her mind.  He shut the door, jogging to catch up with her.  He followed her into the sterile, white entrance and walked up to the desk, grabbing her hand in his own as he passed.  The brunet checked them in, keeping his grip tight but not painful while he spoke, turning to glance at her and giving her a reassuring smile when she looked over herself.  The nurse immediately smiled.

“We’ve been expecting you, Lizzy.  You’re paperwork’s already been completed, so just follow me right this way.”  She took the bag from Shane, giving him a sympathetic glance.  “You can visit her on Thursdays; those are visiting days.”  Just a few days.  Right.

Kissing her on the forehead, he whispered, “I’ll see you soon,” and watched as she disappeared down the hall.  A loud sigh left his lips as he turned and walked out the door.  It was time to get back to work.

A few days later, and Lizzy was actually laughing at a story of him and Jas harvesting her pumpkins, a snort escaping her mouth when he described falling on his ass due to one, extremely large pumpkin refusing to be lifted into the wheel barrow.  He grinned as she covered her face, tears escaping as she doubled over.  The nurse supervising the visit had to stifle a giggle of her own as she continued doing paperwork in the back of the room.  She was obviously feeling much, much better.  Her cheeks weren’t nearly as pale, and she had gained a little of the weight she had lost during her hospital stay back.  But, the important part was that she was _talking_.  She apparently hadn’t talked the first day, but after some coaxing, she had started talking more and more.  She had problems from her past; a lot of them, and they still affected her.  She didn’t really seem to want to talk about those with him, though.  She’d much rather listen to him talk about the farm, her dogs, and his adventures with Jas.  He was adjusting to the farm life rather wall; caring for the chickens was easy since he already knew how, and harvesting pumpkins was a lot of fun.  When she asked him to keep a few of the best ones around, he didn’t question it and simply nodded.  Maybe she wanted to make pie?

When he left, he honestly felt much better, better than he had in a week.  The nurses told him that if she kept up the good work that she’d be able to come home sometime the next week.  He couldn’t help but get excited at the idea; they would be sure to call him to let him know on Monday, but he couldn’t wait.  He whistled on his way back home, walking into the house and looking around.  What would be better for her than a clean house?  If he cleaned some today, he’d have plenty of time over the weekend to finish up, even if he did work tomorrow.  He wasn’t looking forward to it, but he had finished the farm work in record time this morning; harvesting crops made watering much faster, even if harvesting _did_ take forever.  But, the crops wouldn’t die if he didn’t harvest them until the end of the day tomorrow.  So, he took off his jacket and got to work.

************

She sat in the circle and mentally sighed as her pencil traced out random drawings on the piece of paper in front of her.  This was a bit… boring.  Most of the people in her group were in there for drug abuse; they were twitchy and irritable while waiting for the drugs to clear out of their systems.  She had a completely different problem, in her opinion.  While addiction could be caused by depression, the people in her group didn’t seem to want to talk about that.  She offered advice when she could, but often, she didn’t have any to give.  It made her feel a little… useless.  She ran a hand through her greasy hair and grimaced; the shampoo and conditioner in this place sucked.  It didn’t make her hair feel clean at all, and it showed on the other patients too.  But, at least today would be her last one in this place.  It had been helpful since they had put her back on meds, but… well, it wasn’t exactly great.  She had to be extremely careful what she said in any therapy session, group or otherwise.  If she said something that didn’t end on a positive note, it was likely that they’d keep her longer; she wanted to go home.  She’d need to get a therapist of her own later where she could actually talk about what was bothering her instead of all this pretend bullshit she had been dealing with the past few days, that much was for sure.  When it became her turn to talk, she said as much, eliciting a chuckle from the therapist while the others nodded in agreement.  She answered the questions that were thrown at her lightly, making sure not to go too deeply; her bank account would already be emptied by this little visit; she didn’t need to go in debt by extending her stay.  She was lucky that she didn’t have to ask her parents for help; she was already on her own insurance, thank Yoba.  She could only imagine their reaction if they learned that she had tried to kill herself again.

After the session, a nurse came to let her know that Shane was here; she quickly completed her discharge paperwork and smiled brightly as she walked towards the man at the desk.  She had missed him; she hugged him briefly, something that he enthusiastically returned, and then they walked to the car.  She got settled in the passenger seat, buckling the seat belt.  The drive back to Pelican Town would be a long one; two hours, actually.  She was lucky that he had come to visit her and to talk to her after what had happened.

“Shane,” she managed after half an hour of driving, causing the man’s brown eyes to land on her for a moment before focusing on the road once more.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry.  About everything,” she managed, her voice growing softer.  “You were already in a bad place; you need my shit too.”

“I didn’t,” he admitted softly.  “But, it would have been better if you had told me what was going on instead of feeling like… like _that_ was your only way.”

She sighed, running a hand through her hair.  It was becoming a nervous habit lately.  “You’re right.”  Her hands twisted in her lap as she stared down at it.  “A… Are we going to be okay?”  She whispered.  “I… I hope we can still be friends.  I really, really like you, Shane.”

He sighed.  “Of course we can.  I plan on living with you for a while, if that’s okay.”  When she glanced at him in surprise, he shrugged.  “I haven’t made sure that you know how to take care of your chickens properly yet.”

She gave him a wide grin and shook her head.  “You know my parents had chickens growing up, right?”

“Your parents also ‘accidentally’ let 30 cats get eaten by coyotes,” he pointed out with a shake of his head.  “Seriously, who does that?”

She let out a laugh, shaking her head.  “You have a point.”  Yeah, they were going to be okay.  He wasn’t going to leave her; not like everyone else did.  He wanted to stay.  “Well, even when you find out I’m a great chicken owner,” she stuck her tongue out at him, “you can feel free to stay as long as you want after too.”

He looked surprised as a light blush covered his cheeks.  “Yeah.  I just might.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I had a (horrible) Thanksgiving, so I needed a bit to recover! Please keep in mind that next week is finals week for me, so I have absolutely no idea if I am going to update this weekend. Sorry guys! Also, I sorta kinda want to write a Bleach fanfic, so if anyone likes Bleach and wants to maybe help me figure out if my idea is good, hit me up!


	16. Chapter 16: Starting Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! Sorry it's been so long since my last update. I had a crazy few holidays with my family, so I needed some time to recover! Anyway, here it is!

They had never really gotten to know each other; not really.  Sure, they had talked.  She knew his favourite colour and what he liked to do in his free time; she even knew what he hoped Jas would do in the future.  But, she didn’t really _know_ him.  Sure, she knew his darkest fears, his most intimate struggles, but it was almost like they had skipped the middle ground, the ground where most people moved from acquaintance to friend.

He had decided, after a few days, that she was a good animal owner, much to her relief.  She was extremely careful with the chicks; the heat lamp was close enough to the ground, but there was nothing flammable anywhere near it, and they had two waterers which hung under the head lamp.  A second lamp was placed strategically over the food, allowing the chicks to eat and be warm.  Everywhere else, there was straw, and a section of the coop was blocked off until they were older.  She wasn’t planning on letting them outside unless she was in view of them; luckily, she had planned ahead and planted corps nearby, so she could watch them and the skies while weeding and harvesting.  Not that she would have to worry about that soon enough anyway; the season was close enough to done.  She was busy preparing for the festival; she had some canned goods that she had as well as some interesting things she found foraging; hopefully it would be enough for her display.  After all, she hadn’t really been planning on doing the fair until Shane pointed out that Mayor Lewis may be suspicious if she didn’t since she had talked about doing it before.

At the moment, she was harvesting pumpkins, making sure to save an extra one for Caroline by request.  Though Shane had tried his best, she didn’t really like the ones he had saved for Jas to carve either, so she chose to sell those instead and look for a firmer, bigger crop.  There were more things that one could do with the innards with a bigger one anyway; baked pumpkin seeds made a great snack when seasoned properly.

The corn she harvested quickly, planning to place part of it in the freezer for her own use, part to the side to grind for the chickens, and selling the rest.  She would have to buy the fish meal, nutria-balancer, kelp, and aragonite elsewhere, but she had managed to save wheat, oats, and peas from the earlier season.  It would feed them better than the premade stuff she could buy at Pierre’s; Marnie’s was too expensive to be realistic in the long run.  She looked at the baskets which littered the ground and let out a self-satisfied hum.  Corn was pretty low maintenance after you got through the initial sprout phase.  She hauled the baskets one by one up to the porch where she gently took the corn out and stacked them into piles.   She would sort through them later to see which she would sell and which to freeze and grind, but as of right now, it could wait.  The chicks were enjoying the sun too much for her to put them back inside, so she spent more time weeding then absolutely necessary, smiling as they peeped at Toby who, having dealt with more than enough chickens in his lifetime, was attempting to lick them through the fence.

Before she knew it, it was six and Shane was trudging up the makeshift path she had created through the hay.  He greeted her with a smile which she returned eagerly checking on the chicks.

“How was your day?”  She found herself asking as she dusted off her gloves on her pants for the nth time that day, leaving streaks of reddish brown across the already dirty fabric.

“Eh.  It was fine.  The usual Morris bullshit,” he replied before herding the chickens inside of the coop, making sur they had adequate light from the wired over windows before shutting the door.  He looked over at her expectantly, and she stood up, bending backwards until her back let out an audible pop before discarding her gloves.  She was pretty much done for the day besides sorting and storing her crops.

It had become a routine since she had gotten back, and he had gone back to work.  She’d start her morning after feeding the chickens with tending to the fruit trees and crops away from them, let them out sometime after lunch, and stay in the area until Shane got home.  Then, they would go inside where she’d shower, and he’d make dinner.  Sometimes, she made dinner when she didn’t feel like reheated pizza, but for the most part, she was grateful he was willing to cook at all.  After they ate, she’d usually sort her crops while they watched some show.  They didn’t talk horribly much, but the silence was a companionable one and not awkward in the least.  Today, however, as they finished up eating and he took the dishes to the sink, she invited him out to the porch with her while she sorted crops.  Only if he wanted to, of course.  Soon enough, she was settled on the boards in the middle of four giant piles of the crop while he talked a little bit more about his day.  Having worked for Joja before, she understood his feelings completely.  It sucked working for a company that didn’t appreciate the hard work you put in for them and just took it for granted.  A thought floated through her head, and she stopped to consider it for a moment.  She bit her lip as she glanced up at the man, a hundred doubts and worries flowing through her mind right after.  She knew him well, just…

“Joja’s not been doing too well lately, right?”  She asked softly, noting the circles under the older male’s eyes and deciding to iterate her thoughts anyway.  “If… If you find yourself needing a job, you could always work for me,” she offered, not quite looking at him.  “I plan on expanding the farm starting in the spring anyway, so I could use the help.  As it is, there’s almost too much for me to do on my own.”

His eyes widened in shock before he leaned back on the only chair on the porch, eyes moving upwards to the roof of the porch.  Watching his face contort in anxiety, she was quick to add “I’m not just asking because we’re…” she hesitated.  “A-Anyway, you did a good job taking care of the place while I was gone, and I know you can haul around trees and stuff.  And maybe if you get bored, you can help me work on the community center.  I’ve been thinking about fixing it up since Lewis looked so upset when he showed me it.”  She cut off her rambling before it became too much, her hands continuing to sort the corn, serving as a distraction as she looked anywhere but at him.

“I’ll think about it,” he finally replied.  “You won’t have much work on the farm during winter unless you count the chickens.”

“I’ll still have plenty of land to clear.  Winter’s the perfect time to get caught up on chopping down trees and clearing rocks, not to mention the greenhouse once I get it fixed up.  I’ll have plenty on my hands anyway; Clint told me about the old man, and I was thinking about exploring it a bit, see if I can find anything interesting.”

He shot her a look of concern at the mention of the mines but didn’t elaborate.  “I’ll think about it,” he repeated.  She mentally bristled but tried to force herself to relax, trying to let any negative thoughts about the interaction go.  If he said he was going to think about it, it didn’t necessarily mean no.  Besides, he was practically living with her these days anyway.  His shampoo wouldn’t have migrated to her shower if he didn’t enjoy her company.

Corn sorted, she hauled one pile to the sales bin and the others inside.  She’d deal with shucking, drying, and freezing the corn later, after she got a good night’s rest.  He followed her inside, hands in the pockets of his jacket.  He waited until she was finished to trail behind her into the bedroom.  His hands finally let the cloth confines as he stripped himself of it and his shirt.  He unzipped his pants and headed to the bathroom, presumably to brush his teeth and change into his pajamas, so she folded his clothing, placing it on her dresser before stripping herself.  If he came out of the bathroom, it wouldn’t be the first time he’d seen her change.  They’d already had sex anyway, so it wasn’t like it would matter anyway.  By the time he came out of the bathroom in his pajama pants, she was ready to dart in, brushing her teeth and combing her hair before making way for the bed.

Sleeping together hadn’t been as awkward as she had imagined without the sex.  Alan had rarely been able to sleep without some sort of sexual act during the first few months of them dating.  Looking back, she probably should have been harder on him about that sort of stuff; towards the end of their relationship, he didn’t seem to care if she was dry; he’d enter her anyway, often causing a stinging pain to linger for several days afterwards.  Shane, on the other hand, seemed too exhausted to even try for the most part, settling for simply snuggling against her as the dogs piled around them on all sides.  Tonight was no different, even if her irrational fear seemed content to try and convince her otherwise.  He snuggled against her backside as she curled around Toby who was insistent on being under the covers.  She let out a soft sigh of relief and closed her eyes, exhausted from another day of grueling physical activity.

************

As the woman in his arms softly snored, he shifted so that he was on his back.  His eyes traced invisible patterns on the ceiling as he thought.  Of all the possible things, he hadn’t expected her to offer him a job.  Hell, she was basically already paying for his room and board considering that he spent more time at her place than at Marnie’s, not that his aunt was displeased with that.  Working for her, though, was an entirely different story.  He understood she offered because she cared; hell, he would do he same if their roles were reversed.  But, he liked where their relationship was going as it was, without the boss-employee strain.  However, he had to admit that she would need help sooner rather than later.  Even though it was just her first year, demand for freshly grown crops was rather high; Pierre liked to pretend that he grew his own produce, but everyone knew that he bought it from someone else, just like Joja.  Now that he was selling her crops, it was a different story.  Even Jodi, who would rather half rotten fruit for a deal than pay Pierre’s ridiculous prices, was drifting away from Joja mart.  It helped that, since she grew so much, the fruits and veggies were costing much less than the shit Joja could import.  In fact, Pierre hadn’t seen that much business in what he suspected was decades.

If he refused her “offer,” what would she do?  Would she offer the job to others in town?  He bristled at the thought of a shirtless Sam or Sebastian chopping trees next to Lizzy.  Even the idea of Abigail or Leah helping her made him frown.  After all, the brunette had told him she was bisexual.  As much as he liked Leah, he couldn’t see her _not_ coming on to Lizzy if she ever learned that fact, unintentional as it probably would be.  Morris had been threatening to lay one of them off anyway.  Maybe it would be better for the other two sorry souls if he just quit anyway.  He knew Sam at the very least was worried about it.

Lucy let out a loud groan and crawled her way up his chest, huffing in his face before her spotted tongue gave his face a few licks.  She often got annoyed when either he or her owner stayed up too late; convincing them to come to bed through groans and endless whines.  He patted her head lightly before obediently closing his eyes, letting his breathing even out, hoping it would help slow his racing mind.  There was no use thinking about it now, not when he had work in the morning.  He needed to ask Marnie about it and see what she thought anyway.  She always steered him in the right direction.

As he woke and rushed to get ready for work, he noticed the few, but hopeful, glances she shot his way.  But, she left him alone, much to his relief.  It was one of the things he liked about her most; if he needed time to think, she didn’t push him as long as he let her know that was what he needed.  That was the catch, however; if he didn’t let her know, she was likely to bug him about it every hour.

Work was the same as normal; Morris bitched about the budget and threatened to fire them over any misdemeanor they might make.  As annoyed as he was with the much shorter man, he wasn’t going to quit out of spite.  _If_ he decided to work for Liz, he planned on respectfully giving a two weeks’ notice.  Morris would probably not assign him any shifts after that, out of spite, but it would be enjoyable to watch the man have to stock the shelves himself for a change instead of hiding in his office all day.

Marnie was in the barn, just like he expected her to be this time of day.  She didn’t bother looking up from the cow she was inspecting as he walked in.  Greeting him as she dug dirt from its hooves.  “Shane!  It’s been a while since you’ve been home.”  Once she finished, she dusted her hands off on her pants and stood, stretching backwards until her back popped.

“Yeah.  Sorry about that,” he apologized sheepishly, face turning pink as she simply shook her head and laughed.  “I actually came to ask you for advice.”  At the tone of his voice, his aunt sobered.  As he told his tale, she tiled her head to the side and hummed softly.

“I don’t see any reason not to,” she admitted after a moment.  “It’ll be hard work, that’s for sure, but she needs the help.  And you hate Joja so much, would you really mind a few more sore muscles in exchange?”  She hesitated.  “Or are you worried this will put a strain on… your love life?”

He sputtered at her comment, even as she raised a brow, questioning him silently.  Once he had his brain under control again, he sighed.  “Maybe,” he admitted softly.  “With everything that’s happened… I’m scared.  I’m scared she won’t be who I think she is or that she’ll be disappointed in me.”

“You’re not marrying her,” his aunt reminded him gently.  “Just working for her.  And, maybe that will be a good experience for you both.  I don’t think she quite knows what to think of you either.  She’s probably just as afraid as you are.”

She left him to his thoughts after that, and he walked away, his feet traveling for him until he found himself inside the tavern, standing up at the bar, Emily waiting for his order.  Even if the physical symptoms of with drawl weren’t as bad as he thought they would be, the mental ones were worse.  Liz did help distract him a great deal.  When the blue-haired woman gently asked for his order for the second time, he looked away and ordered a pizza, to go.  The familiar smell of booze flooded his nose at the same time as his ears conveniently decided to pick up on the sound of Pam’s drunken laughter.  He flinched as a wave of desire hit his body, and he drummed his fingers against the bar as he impatiently waited.  Luckily, Gus always pre-baked the crust, so Emily handed him the pizza box a mere fifteen minutes later, the pizza warming his hands as he all but fled from the place.

Once he got back, Liz was hard at work.  He watched her for a moment, leaning against the side of the coop as she pulled dying plants and overturned soil, making sure her fields would be ready for the spring.  She was mixing a healthy amount of some type of compost in with the dirt she overturned.  He could see plenty of peels from various fruits and vegetables going in, but he didn’t question her logic.  In terms of gardening, she knew what was best, after all.

“I was thinking about getting Robin to repair more of the house,” she called over her shoulder, obviously having known that he was there, though he wasn’t sure how long.  “Apparently, there used to be a second floor.”  Liz shyly glanced at him before continuing her work.  “There’d be another bedroom then, and Jas could stay over whenever she liked without either of us having to sleep on the couch.”

The reminder of his goddaughter caused him to wince as a torrent of guilt flooded through him.  When _was_ the last time he had spent a full day with her?  Sure, he checked up on her every day, but that couldn’t really be called quality time.  If he accepted the job, he knew that Lizzy would be alright with Jas hanging out with him while he did his work.  She’d probably encourage it, actually.

He sighed and used his free hand to run fingers through his hair.  She was always doing things like this for him with no thought to herself; if only she took care of herself as well as she tried to take care of him.  “I brought pizza,” he chose to reply instead of voicing his concerns, deciding to save that particular battle for another day.  After all, she hadn’t chosen to share with what had caused her seemingly deep bouts of depression in the first place.  He was unsure as to whether it was a lack of trust or a wish to not bring up bad memories.  For him, it was more the second than the first.

She brightened at the mention of it.  “Go ahead and feed the dogs?  I’ll be in in a second.  I just want to finish this plot.”

He nodded and obeyed, heading into the house and feeding the mutts before setting the table.  Just as he finished, she walked in and promptly washed her hands before sitting down.

“Are you alright?”

The question didn’t surprise him.  He had come from the tavern, and she had been privy to more than a few frustrated sessions when he had wanted a drink more than anything.  “I’m fine,” he reassured gently, a hand moving to cup her face out of instinct.  “I needed to think, and my stomach led me to pizza,” he joked, earning a smile from her as she dug into her first piece.  He watched her as she ate; it was obvious that she was ravenous, but she still tried to converse with him as they ate.  She was in the middle of asking about his day when he interrupted her.  “I’ll do it.”  The confused look on her face prompted him to continue.  “I’ll work for you.  Just let me put in my two weeks’ notice to Morris.”

A bright smile lit up her face, and she nodded.  “Of course.”


	17. Chapter 17: Winter Flurries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who leaves me a comment! I really appreciate those!

Predictably, Morris wasn’t too happy about him quitting.  Actually, “not happy” didn’t even begin to cover it.  The little man’s face had turned bright red, and he had begun screaming, calling Shane all sorts of names with lots of profanity once he had examined the paper that the brunet had handed him.  Apparently, Joja was watching the store to see whether or not the town’s “interest” in the store was going to continue.  By quitting, he was apparently on the side of the town that hated Joja.  He _did_ hate Joja, and he was pretty sure that Liz did too, but he left that part out, instead choosing to ask Morris whether he wanted him to continue working those last two weeks or just go because he was _not_ going to put up with two weeks of getting screamed at, thank you very much.

 

Standing up for himself was also, apparently, a surprise as it left the guy’s mouth open wide before he shook his head, clocked out, and left.  Lizzy probably wouldn’t mind if he started early, anyway.  What surprised him, though, was Morris running out and apologizing, of all things, and asking him to stay for the last two weeks.  Apparently, the stress of Joja was getting to him more than he let out, which resulting in Shane hesitantly agreeing to finish out his time with Joja, just not today.

 

He headed back towards the farm, breathing a sigh of relief as he saw brown hair pulled up into a bun sway gently in the breeze.  He made a beeline for her, kissing her cheek gently before settling next to her on his knees, weeding what she hadn’t managed to quite yet.

 

“Morris not take it well?”  It was interesting how she practically spat the man’s name in disgust.  His hatred of his job must have gotten to her to hate his boss as much he did.

 

“Not at first,” he admitted.  “He cussed me out, but after I said I’d just leave, he apologized.”  A half smirk curved his lips up as he watched a brow curved upwards in surprise.  She hummed, something that made him continue his thoughts.  “I’ll be finishing my two weeks there, then I’m all yours.  I did take the rest of today off, though.”

 

She beamed at him, “Well, maybe you could help me in the community center today,” she half asked, half suggested.  “I need a break from all this farming; I think the weeds are under control for now, and I built an overhead fence for the chicken’s yard.  They should be good while we’re gone.”  That smile had him nodding in agreement, and before he knew it, they were at the entrance of the community center, tools in hand.

 

It was nothing like he expected; Lewis had whined to Marnie plenty of times about the state of the place, so he expected for the cracks in the floor to still be there, the walls to be crumbling, and plants to have grown through the floorboards.  But, the sight that greeted him was much different.  The floorboards looked like they had never seen any damage at all; it was only after the browned-eyed female pointed out the repairs she had made, thin outlines marking where old floorboard met new.  The walls were patched up, though not painted.  White marks in the walls showed where holes used to be.  Even the furniture was in repair, polished to a shine or new wood being stained.  He looked at the woman in amazement, her face turning red.  She muttered something about “Youtube tutorials” and “learning things from Robin.”  He couldn’t help but be impressed; there was no way he would have the patience for that shit.  Judging by the multitude of projects, she probably couldn’t either.  She pulled out a few bottles of paint stain and regular paint.  “Would you stain the wood on the chairs on the tarp while I paint the walls?”  She glanced at him, and her brows furrowed.  “Or we could switch?”

 

He simply shook his head and took the paintbrush, starting on the furniture.  It was the perfect vantagepoint to watch her as she worked.  Her tank top was stretched perfectly over her body, accentuating the curve of her breasts.  Her shorts were just the right length, showing enough skin to make him want more, but not enough to be provocative.  It wasn’t anything different from what she usually wore: she alternated between tank tops and short sleeved shirts, but the view was still pretty good, in his opinion.

 

While he was making sure to paint each piece with care, making sure no drips would fall onto the fabric and that it was evenly coated.  He gently sent each piece out to air dry.  Once he was finished, he turned back to see that she had finished with her wall and was starting to trim another when he joined in.  She looked up in surprise before giving him a gentle smile.  They worked in silence, and before he knew it, she was packing up her things.  She left her supplies, saying that she was just going to use it later anyway, and they headed back home.  He watched her check on her chicks before stretching her arms above her head and giving him a bright smile.  He stuck his hands in his pockets, sauntering up to her before placing a chaste kiss on her lips.  She, though, seemed to have different plans, pulling him back down towards him.  Her lips met his gently, almost as if she thought he was going to break, before she released him, turning in his embrace to usher the chicks back inside and closing the pet door like hole behind them.

 

“Shane?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Thank you for your help today,” she spoke softly.

 

“You’re welcome,” he replied simply.

 

************

A while later, they were settled into bed, dogs surrounding them, and Lizzy snuggled into his side, almost surprised that he didn’t mind, that he didn’t try to initiate anything.  Sure, it was the norm, day after day, but it still was so strange to her.  She traced the pattern on his shirt absent mindedly.  This… was nice.  No expectations for her to spread her legs whenever he wanted and the refusal for him to do the same… it was much, much different.  “Shane?”

 

He hummed in response, a hand running through her hair, telling her that he was awake.  And listening.

 

“Can I talk to you?”  She took a deep breath.  “About Alan?”

 

He stiffened for a moment before sitting up.  “Yes,” his hands stroked reassuring her that he wasn’t upset, just that he was paying attention.

 

She took a deep breath.  “We started dating when I was nineteen.  It was a bad idea, really.  We met through calculus class.  He tried to help me with my homework but was doing it all wrong.  I played the stupid girl for too long, probably.  But I dropped the act pretty soon.  He was a bit of an idiot, actually.  He barely managed to graduate; he got Ds in a lot of classes, just because he’d play video games instead of study.  He made me pretty lazy too, honestly.”

 

“I put up with his crap for a long while.  He told me things, about his military service that I’m not sure I ever really believed.  I just didn’t want to doubt him.  I didn’t want to think that he was lying to me.  My first boyfriend did that, but I only dated him because my mom… well, that’s another story.”  She let out an angry huff of breath.  His hands stilled in her hair for a moment before they continued.  “I’m not sure if he was telling the truth.  I think he overexaggerated on a lot of it; he told me a girlfriend sold his dog while he was underway and then later told me he never said that.  But, I know he did!  My mom remembers him telling me that.”

 

“He was moody.  He couldn’t sleep.  He had really bad PTSD and would explode whenever I was anything besides happy.  I thought he just needed therapy at first.  The therapy _did_ help once I convinced him to go.  And then he graduated and stopped going.  Then things got worse.  I kept nagging him to do things over and over.  He just wouldn’t.  And I couldn’t talk to him about how frustrated with him I was or how I was disappointed because whenever I tried, he’d blow up.”

 

Her breaths were coming much faster now.  “H-He… He hurt me sometimes when he blew up.  He didn’t mean to- he’d just squeeze too hard or shake me or bang me up against the wall…  But he didn’t abuse me.  I wasn’t willing to put up with that shit.  It was more like I was walking on egg shells.”

 

“I went crazy,” she admitted softly.  “I stopped taking my medicine.  I had mood swings.  I would snap at him for no reason, but really I was just venting how angry I was at him about everything.  It wasn’t really fair for him either.  I broke down one day.  I finally started screaming and crying, telling him that I couldn’t deal with it anymore.  That how could he be a dad if he couldn’t take care of himself?  If he couldn’t take care of me?  I left.  I spent a week in Miami just to get away from him.  And he turned around pretty quickly.  He made those appointments I had been trying to get him to do for months.  I was pretty pissed, to be honest.  That he couldn’t—wouldn’t do what I asked until I threatened to leave him.”

 

“I decided to give him three months to see if he would get his shit together.  He did after I threatened to leave, but I decided that if he messed up again, I was going to leave him.  Take my dog and the cat, leave Lucy to him since he picked her out anyway.  I knew that he was going to do it again, though.  That was the part that _hurt_ so much.  I knew that he didn’t love me enough to change.  Not permanently.”  A sad sigh escaped her lips.  She had no tears to shed over the situation; she had cried herself out a long time ago, to be honest.  “And then he died.  And I felt _relieved_.  And of course that made me feel guilty.  I lost myself for months; my best friends couldn’t pull me out of it, though Yoba knows they tried.  Chris did his best, but… his girlfriend got jealous.  She said it was him or me, so I made the decision for him.  I moved far away, where I could start over.  I didn’t tell anyone where I moved except for one of my sisters.  I didn’t want to bother anyone anymore.”

 

The soft sigh escaped her lips as she sat up and leaned back, staring up at the ceiling.  “To be honest, I didn’t see much point in life,” she admitted.  “I still don’t.  I will never be important on a large scale; I will never do anything to affect the world.  I’ll get old, maybe have a kid or two, and I’ll die, and nothing happens after you die.  So, what’s the point?”

 

“What you do along the way,” he answered, his voice deeper than normal, showing just how tired he was.  “Sure, in the end, it doesn’t really matter, but it will to other people.  You may not think you do anything big, but sometimes the things you do matter to other people.  Like me.”  His voice grew softer.  “Maybe you should contact those people.  They’re probably worried about you.”

 

“I was so horrible to them by leaving.  How could they ever forgive me?”

 

“Maybe they won’t.  But you never know until you try.”

 

She leaned into his shoulder, burying her face into his chest and inhaling deeply, letting his scent flood her senses.  It was a comforting smell; it was disturbing how quickly he was starting to feel like home.  As they settled back into bed, she couldn’t help but worry about that.  They were… they weren’t anything at this point.  Sure, he practically lived here, but there wasn’t much else that happened.  They were affectionate, they shared meals, but how long would it last?  How long would his patience last?

 

************

Two weeks flew by; Morris was being rather nice to Shane the whole time probably trying to convince him to come back, but it didn’t work.  He was soon enough toiling in the fields next to her, cutting her work in half and helping her finish her work by noon most days.  She was able to focus on the community center while he cleared trees; some days, they switched, but she had more patience than he did.  It was fun for Jas to come and play in the pond to the south of the house while he chopped trees.  Sometimes, she’d “help” by gathering up twigs and putting them in a pile Lizzy had designated for kindling.  They had fun most days; he could help Jas with her homework while he did his work.  She would read aloud to him for practice, which helped pass the time.  Lizzy usually came back from her work exhausted but happy with her progress.  Too soon, they were pulling up plants and snow was falling from the skies.  He was happy, though, with the change since it meant a break from sweating.  Instead, Jas skipped rope in her winter gear while he continued to clear space.  Lizzy decided to alternate working in the mines as well as the community center.  He worried about her being down there, but they were stable, and the rocks that she brought back as a gift for Jas were beautiful.  She was also donating things she found to the museum, which meant Penny had a whole lot of lesson plans from it.  The redhead was actually more excited than Gunther was about the stuff.

 

It was nice, he decided a few weeks in, working for her.  She wasn’t a strict boss; as long as he did his work, she left him along.  If she felt like he was slacking, though, she told him immediately.  It had only happened once, when he his skin was feeling itchy due to a want for alcohol.  She had actually forced him to go outside and chop trees with her until the feeling was gone.  It was a strange but effective method.  It definitely got his mind off of things, and his therapist actually approved.

 

The weeks flew by quickly, and one day she dragged him to the community center, eyes sparkling.  When he walked in, his breath was taken away.  She had repaired everything; it looked brand new.  She even went as far as to buy rugs and appliances.  She was also fulfilling the old requests on the message board; Marnie had told him about the “mysterious gift” that had shown up on her porch last week.  It would be good for the kids to have a place, she had told him.  For them to have a place to play with the older people living here, to learn from them.  She was planning on revealing it to Lewis later on in the week, once he wasn’t so “busy.”

 

As they stepped foot on her property again, hand in hand, he noticed a strange car parked next to her house and a couple on her porch.  Lizzy paled but took a deep breath and walked up to the couple, hugging the woman just as he noticed the car seat settled next to him.

 

“Shane,” her voice shook, making him immediately on edge, and he crossed his arms until he noticed her expression; she was practically begging him to be nice.  “This is my sister, Marie, and her husband, Logan.”


End file.
